Dallas Nitpicker Central (Reborn)

Episode 282: Carousel

Bonehead Dialogue Award:

>Detective Kane: "Whoa, whoa. This is exactly what I didn't want." -Kane to JR and Swellen in an effort to halt their bickering.
Hey Detective, what did you expect? They clearly hate each other (so much so that she shot him). Did he think they would kiss and make up??

Angelica award: April's animal print jacket. Sue Ellen's wacky trips to the stylist should also be considered.

I'll leave it to the AHNs' comprehensive efforts again today, except for one thing: Cliff tells this Lemay dude that he's been searching for Pam "ever since she disappeared". Uh, no. You've been reliving your father's past, and you've been squeezed by JR in his bid to take over Weststar, and you've hung out with a few blondes, Cliff. I wouldn't exactly call you devoted to the search.

Tom Blackburn asked: Did you notice that the clinic where Pam is living is the same exterior shot as Dr. Elby's office? The only thing missing was Sue Ellen's old cream colored station wagon.

From Dave O:

- The exterior of the hotel that Cliff and April stay out looks familiar. I think it was actually the apartment building that Rebecca Wentworth lived in. Quite possibly.

- Sue Ellen seems to be in a pretty good mood during parts of this episode despite everything that has happened. It seems like she forgot about Nick in about 2 seconds. Very convenient so we can move on.

- BTW Doesn't Nick have a funeral? If there was one for him Sue Ellen sure wasn't there. There is a reason for this. Won't say what it is...yet. [No spoiler rule in effect]

- There is a quick cut during the scene at the hospital where Lucy brings John Ross to her mother. You see a red car in the fire lane moving then there is a cut and suddenly the car is parked. Good one. Didn't notice.

- BTW I don't know much about cars but that car in the fire lane looks like the same one that Cliff and April rented. I will check.

-Where exactly did Sue Ellen and John Ross stay after Lucy brought him to her. South Fork? Not a chance. Nicks apartment? Doubt it. I do know that she does buy a house pretty soon. Perhaps in a hotel for the time being. They might say in tomorrow's episode.

AHN Jason's corner:

-  Just a note... I'd like to say that usually the casting directors and writers have us really suspend our disbelief when they change actors in a role (Jenna, Digger, Ellie, Gary  etc..)  but in this case they found a very realistic looking Pam in Margaret Michaels....  Her resemblance to Victoria Principal is pretty remarkable...   I for one really wished that they brought her back as Pam....  but I guess since Dallas fans aren't too kind to actors who replace the originals..  (Donna Reed as Ms. Ellie and Steve Forrest as the possible Jock) they decided not to have Pam come back as a regular.... Too bad, I think it would have been a good choice... I have to think about this a bit...whether the memory of Vicki is more important than the impact of the Pam character. Give me some time.

- OK, let's get through with this Curse of the new season hairdos......(pretty obvious considering we have so few main line females):
- Sue Ellen's looked Ok in the first scene... maybe a bit straighter than in the last episode of the 10th season.. then it turned into some kind of poofy perm... But not for long! Then it became sort of Sabrina, the Teenage Witch.

- Bobby seems to have a new shorter do.. And less hair.

- April's looks a bit longer than "yesterday". Jackie has flattened hers out too. Lucy has some weird "pile on the top" do. She has less hair too. Seems real thin.

- Kelly's hair has grown about six inches from her last episode... so maybe a week or so Dallas time..Sly....definitely different....

- How exactly did Lucy know that Bobby refused to let JR into his business again?    It doesn't seem like something Bobby with discuss with her since he knows how little she seems to care for Uncle JR. I wondered that too...maybe Bobby talked about it.

- What would JR do at Ewing Oil if he can't work in the Oil Business?  Talk about a redundant job... I wondered about this...we'll see. I don't remember what exactly he does.

- Where is Kendall's desk at JRE located?  Sly's seems to be in the outer office... She might be around the corner...when she's there. Hard to say.

- Just a note.. Linda Gray is a beautiful woman but she was looking very old in this episode...  the skin on her face was starting to sag... Well, it's not over for her yet...I believe that she was going through some real personal problems at this time. Parents dying or something like that. By the time Models Inc. and the Dallas movies came around, she was FINE.

- JR's doctor says that he had two shots that passed through with no damage...  well what about the third? Must have totally missed. Sue Ellen sucks at shooting.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- It was strange how Sue Ellen was being interrogated today. It seemed rather informal (i.e. it was in an office, not an interrogation room, and she was standing up) and yet there was a stenographer AND a tape recorder. This doesn't seem like standard police procedure. She seems much luckier than Cliff, who doesn't have a good time with the cops. I don't get it.

- Ha! My parents were wrong. Its been a long time coming, but today we actually get to see Bobby's ears (refuting Mom and Dad's theory that he has NO ears). They couldn't find enough hair to put over it, I guess.

- We get to see a part of the Barnes Wentworth building (or to be accurate: the building in which Barnes Wentworth resides). It looks much classier than Cliff's K-Mart office. Why am I not surprised?

- Oh, boy! Its time for the monthly game of Musical Dallas Memorial Signs. The first two shots of DMH show a black sign with white printing. The third and fourth visits show a WHITE sign with BLACK printing on it. Furthermore, the entrance we see the first two times is NOT the same one as the one from the previous season (I distinctly recall Bobby running up some stairs-- seen in the 3rd and 4th visits). I really don't get it at all.

- Man, these Dallas hospitals. Ray gets stabbed in the abdomen and is discharged after a day. Now, JR gets shot (twice) and he barely even stays 48 hours.

- Shameful attempt on JR's part to get Bobby to make him a partner at Ewing Oil. Shame on JR for using Jock to exploit Bobby. He's just being good ol' JR. Jock would smack him down, though. That's true.

- If JR was serious about firing the Doctor if he was unwilling to assist him in his deception, then he damn well better fire all those nurses that revealed his cover story to Bobby. Yup. Maybe the nurses have a union.

- Why ISN'T Sue Ellen locked up?? She admitted to shooting JR (three times) and seemed visibly upset when she found out he wasn't dead. Maybe they should have held her overnight (at least). Perhaps she's out on bail....hard to say. In Texas, this seems unlikely, though.

- Why, why, why would Pam attend a party where there was even the slightest chance that an oil man would appear. It's a big country (or for that matter WORLD), honey. She'd be the worst hide and go seek player ever... Maybe it wasn't an oil man's party. Maybe it was a party for old, balding guys with funny accents.

- Today's sign that JR is rapidly sinking into fooldom: Here's a thought JR. Why not call the Wilson Institute and talk to your son. You must know that the Ewings can't escape the press, so why not try to talk to him?? Dumb. I really think I should have a response to this...but I don't. The only possibility that arises to me is that he doesn't want to take the chance that somebody might figure out where John Ross is by overhearing the conversation...but why take the chance that someone will find out some other way? Good call.

- Sue Ellen really doesn't seem that excited when she sees John Ross. Did Lucy talk to her before this? When?? Yes. I think you're right. Sue Ellen herself says that it's a 'surprise'.

- It was awfully convenient for JR to look out the window right when John Ross arrived. Must have read the script...

- Man, talk about your lousy luck, Pam. First your fiancee comes down with a terminal illness, then you get in a horrific accident, then YOU get a terminal disease. Lousy luck indeed. Runs in the family. Look at Christopher.

- What the HELL is JR going to do at Ewing Oil if it can't involve oil. Build bicycles in his office. Become a full time alcoholic? This is absurd. Summarized best by Bobby when he says: "for the time being, you stay here and do... whatever it is you're going to be doing." Clearly the writers don't know what he's going to do either. Give them a few days.

- I see that Kehly Gray has become Kehly Sloane over the off-season. Heartbreaking... I know, dude. When I think that some other guy out there is...oh, well. I better stop before I start brooding.

AHN Val's corner:

- When April's picture is shown in the opening credits, she is walking into Bobby's office. Yet the double doors that we all know as white is shown as pink. Seriously? I'll have to take a closer look.

- Why is Sue Ellen mad that JR is not dead? She should be counting her lucky stars that he's still alive. He is the only one who knows were John Ross is. I thought so too. She may have figured that John Ross's school would inform her sooner or later, but this seems like a very unreasonable chance to take.

- April introduces herself as Cliff's "associate". Associate what? Well, she got the first part right.

- Lucy sure was quick on her feet when talking to the guy from the Wilson School. She knew right away to introduce herself as a Ewing (even though she's really a Cooper). She also knew all the right things to say in getting the headmaster to spill the beans as to John Ross' whereabouts. Great time to grow a brain, Girl! Too bad she loses it in a week or so.

- At the same time, I am disturbed that the school would release John Ross to Lucy. They don't know her. If my son's preschool released him to anyone who claimed to be a Martin, there would be some hell to pay. In fact, we had one occasion where my husband had to pick our son up from school. The only reason the school released him was because my husband's name was on the admission forms as a person authorized to claim our son, AND they checked his picture ID. Plus the fact that our son kept calling him "Daddy! Daddy!" In Lucy's case, she had been gone for 3 years. I'm not certain that John Ross would remember her. Yes! Yes! I had a problem with this, but that's the final nail in the coffin. John Ross would NOT even remember Lucy. Excellent call. He doesn't even know she's in Dallas.
Jason adds:  I don't know...    He is now at least eight... so he was six when Lucy left...  I think a six year old would remember his cousin and they do have pictures around that he could see to remind him... Also Lucy still may have ID that says Lucy Ewing Cooper.... so she COULD prove that she is a Ewing... she admitted that she was his cousin so having a married name would be realistic....   also the headmaster was very concerned about obeying JR's orders and with him gone, he thought he was doing the right thing by letting a relative take John Ross to see him....seemed logical to me anyways.
Val responds: All in all, I'm still disturbed that the school would be careless enough to risk a child's safety (not to mention a lawsuit) by releasing John Ross to Lucy.  Sure, she said she was family.  And yes, maybe John Ross did recognize and remember her.  Oh yeah, and everything did turn out well--Lucy took John Ross to the hospital just like she said she would.  But it could have been entirely possible that Lucy's intentions were not as she stated.   She could have very well been a kidnapper.  I believe that's the reason JR gave for enrolling John Ross at the Ballard school secretly.  Certainly, the Wilson School administrators would have gotten wind of that vital piece of information when the papers were transferred between the schools.  In short, the school was taking a mighty big chance by taking Lucy at her word.
Jason responds: Ok, these are good points... the one comment I would like to make would be that I could see the concern about kidnappers if Lucy called the School... but they called Southfork itself and she answered...  I doubt kidnappers hang around potential kidnappees houses waiting for such info.... just my thought.. True enough...but you can't be too careful, I guess.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Sue Ellen goes on a hairstyle-changing rampage in this episode. First it's straight and flat at the police station, then its pouffy and permed at Southfork with Bobby, then back to straight and flat for her and JR at the police station. In reality, it's probably this way because they shot the post-murder scenes right after the cliffhanger and the rest of this episode after the hiatus. But it makes Sue Ellen look really shallow to have her getting a perm while JR is supposedly on death's bed and a pending murder
charge hanging over her head and at the same time her son is missing and her lover is dead. I noticed this. It's pathetic.

- Now we know why the Ewings get such good service at Dallas Memorial. It isn't a group discount for frequent patients after all, it's JR's contributions. But where was that prime reserved Ewing parking spot in front of the hospital? Some red car was already there.

- Sue Ellen would have deserved a murder charge. How dumb is it to submit to police questioning without your lawyer there and then dig a hole for yourself by wishing you had killed  him and expressing regret he's not dead? The only thing missing was a threat to go directly to the hospital room and finish the job. Excellent points.

- Did Bobby really need to bring his work gloves (tucked in his back pocket) to the hospital? Was he planning on branding JR or hog-tying him? I didn't notice. Good ones.

- Did anybody notice that five foot long flowered centerpiece at the Southfork dinner table? No, I must admit that no one else has.

- What's with this new character at the Oil Baron's Club - Mike the bartender? In one scene, he got more lines than poor Cassie got in several years. Plus he doesn't have to expose his chest to get camera time. I don't think he becomes anything close to the semi-regular that Cassie was.

AHN Jake's corner:

- J.R. says Nicholas threatened him physically and otherwise? What otherwise? Mentally?   "Oh, J.R....look at the swirling circle; I'm going to brainwash you.   You're getting sleepier and sleepier..." LOL! This is great.

- Sue Ellen says Lucy is the only Ewing she can trust?  How about John Ross or Miss Ellie?  Ellie's not technically a Ewing, but she can trust her son and Ellie more than Lucy. Neither of them is around at the time...I think this is just to illustrate the familial dichotomy.

- When Kehli comes in to Sue Ellen's office, she says, "Should I hold all your calls?"  Never asked that before, and other important people came in. Well, it's a new season...

- Why would the district attorney just drop the case?  They have to find out how Nicholas died; someone was responsible.  But obviously they can't let J.R. and Sue Ellen go to jail. Obviously not...I think it's due to lack of evidence. There were no either eye-witnesses, and certainly it would be near impossible to determine what happened for sure. Tough call. But believe it or not, this decision has ramifications...

AHN Rob's corner:

- The Latest "What the Hell Was That?!?!" Entry: The entire scene where JR tries to trick Bobby into  thinking he's dying so he'll let him back into Ewing Oil.   Is JR really this stupid in his old age or what? It was this scene that reminded me how much the later episodes of Dallas had a sit-com feel to them. The only thing missing was the laugh track... It was corny...more so because Bobby laughed it off the way he did.

- I'm having a little trouble with how long it took Bobby to throw Sue Ellen off of Southfork.  Just last week (in real time, in Dallas time it was a few months ago), Bobby told JR to "finish your drink and get the hell out of here."  Now he's trying to REASON with the same woman who ADMITTEDLY shot his brother.   Strange... Very. Of course, we're seeing footage two days later that was supposed to have been seen four months later. The writers have to come up with something new.

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Episode 283: No Greater Life

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by everybody]

> Teresa-  Mr. Mitch is here.
> Lucy-  MY Mitch?  
Insert your own joke here.

Angelica award: April's outfits and hair throughout the episode. We might have to rename this award.

- Normally, I understand Cliff. I don't usually agree with his actions or motives or ways of analyzing situations, but I don't find his doings to be egregiously unreasonable. Until today. Follow me on this. Yesterday, Cliff stormed out of that meeting with Pam without saying a word. So at that point, April didn't know what happened. But at the beginning of this episode, she does know. So wait: Cliff, you told APRIL that you really saw Pam? You told APRIL what Pam said about never coming back to Dallas? You told APRIL that she's going to marry the doctor? What the hell are you thinking, guy? You told April all this, but you couldn't bring yourself to tell Bobby? I do not understand.

- Okay, Lucy. Time to take off the blouse. It seems to be the only way you can count...how many slugs did Sue Ellen pump into JR? Two. Count 'em. One. Two. Not three. Three SHOTS, but not three slugs. Everyone in Dallas seems to know all of the gory details except you...how is that?

AHN Analise's corner:

When you see Sue Ellen speak to Miss Ellie, her eyes are bulging out like they never have done so before. Several of us have noticed little changes in Linda's personal appearance lately. If I remember correctly, Linda suffered a grave personal tragedy in the Summer of '88, in which she lost her parents. Obviously it took a toll on her, but fortunately for us her acting abilities didn't suffer.

- Also, why does John Ross have to change schools? Wouldn't the Ewings have John Ross and Christopher go to local private schools?  Are they actually going to public schools where it does matter what town the child lives in?  I found this hard to believe.   Like they can't afford private schooling?  If John Ross had been going to a local private school, he would not have had to change schools.  In addition, when Sue Ellen saw John Ross's bruised face, she lamented that "Kids can be so cruel."   Well it looks like parents can be too.  Sue Ellen did shoot JR with the intent to kill. I don't think one can get crueler than that.  Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! Excellent analysis. The only things that I can think of are that the Ewings might really support the idea of sending their kids to public school so as not to 'isolate' them from the world. In Sue Ellen's case, specifically, she probably wants John Ross close to her because of the ongoing custody battle. For instance, if JR found out he was in a private school somewhere, he could concoct some story and grab his son back. [Of course, if JR was determined,he could probably find a way to lift his son out of PUBLIC school too, but that's another matter.]

- The last involves Clayton.  Didn't Laurel convince Clayton to go back into the refinery business just recently?  Now he is leaving it?  Boy, that was quick.   How many refineries could Clayton have acquired in such a short period of time?   I'm sure Bobby could afford it.  Also why didn't Clayton work on the ranch earlier.  Does he only enjoy ranching if his name is on the deed of Southfork? I guess ranching is boring if the ranch is only owned by your wife. Also, has Ellie stopped worrying about Clayton over exerting himself?  I guess ranching is much better for him physically because he owns the ranch!
Oh, boy. Lots of questions. Let's see: Yes. Yes. Definitely yes. Not many. I agree. Yes. I suppose so. Ditto. Evidently. Yes. :) [Sorry, I definitely don't mean to be snide or anything.] These are outstanding questions. This has all been contrived so that Clayton can get himself more involved with the Carter McKay storyline. It doesn't make sense based on the occurrences of last season, that's for sure.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- When Sue Ellen says "I'm not sure about uncle Bobby, but I might be able to bring him [Christopher] here." is she implying that she'll kidnap him? If Bobby wouldn't allow it, then it must be interpreted this way. Hmm. Hadn't thought of this way...I was thinking that Bobby might not feel comfortable in bringing Christopher over himself... but what would the difference be whether Sue Ellen chauffeured him? Actually, there is one other possible interpretation: Sue Ellen might be insinuating that Bobby's [ahem!] busy workload might prevent this.

- Wow, Cliff! You're going to let Bobby buy ALL TWO ASSETS of Barnes Wentworth?? Scratch that, he has just one (Gold Canyon 340). Now I realize that it's still worth a lot, but Cliff makes it sound as if he's selling off this lucrative empire. Get real... Well, let's see...there's his card table, which doubles as a desk. Jackie's computer [unused]. Pam's old desk and chair [worth having because she sat on it]. Does that Franklin Horner-wannabe Leo Wakefield come with the package?

- Bobby says that just after Ms. Miller left (a year ago, he says) he became involved with someone-- obviously he means Kay. Something is not right here. Either that Miller lady left less than a year ago or Bobby is exaggerating. He wasn't involved with Kay for THAT long. A couple of months, tops. Again, I think the producers are trying to make the show more fan-friendly by expressing time from the viewers' perspective, as it would have been in '88. Point well taken, though.

- Ewwwwwwwwwwwww! Lucy takes a drink out of her coffee and then she gives the mug to Mitch. Gross. Now maybe Mitch didn't see her take a drink, but does that make it alright?? This will have to passed on to the married AHNs. Val says this isn't quite as uncommon or disgusting as you might think.

- I must confess that I don't understand what happened with John Ross today. Sue Ellen has full legal custody, but she's not going to live with him? This is bizarre (although, I guess this is what happened last time they got divorced). This is EXACTLY what happened the last time they got divorced. She has custody, but is allowing her son to decide where he wants to live, that's all. It sounds stupid and it would never happen in the real world.

- Sue "I'm going to even the score" Ellen. What the HELL is she talking about "even the score"?? She ruined his Westar takeover bid. She SHOT him!! Twice (and it would have been thrice if she'd been a good shot). What more does she need to do?? Well, she has ideas. Between you and me, she's already done the good stuff.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Well, I thought it was an interesting episode today. Bobby's drinking was a little lame. But I thought it was awesome that they allowed Charlene Tilton to be seen on screen without make-up! That is so true to life and very un-Dallas. Actually, I noticed that she and Linda Gray have started wearing less eye shadow. You can tell that times have changed. Absolutely. Trust me, it's still worth watching.

AHN Jason's corner:

- I wonder why Mitch wasn't in the opening guest credits.. I know he was only back for this one episode but when Katherine reappeared last season she got into the opening credits for her ONE SCENE... so why not for him...  He used to be..
Say it with me, dude: CONTRACT. If you want Morgan Brittany on your show, you've got to pay her sweetly and let the world know she's there. If you want Leigh McCloskey, you have to attach five dollars to a string and wait outside his house for him to come out. [Kidding, of course, but you see my point.]

- Nice pad for Sue Ellen...  but why isn't it locked? Because that would imply some sense of SECURITY awareness.

- What the heck was that scene with JR and the boat dock.. I know he is not a wheeler and dealer in the Oil Industry anymore but I doubt he is reduced to opening a boat docking service....  I mean what was that salesman guy thinking.... I have no idea. Just stupid.

- Why doesn't Sue Ellen pick up John Ross at school?  She should know that JR would try to kidnap him back so why is she trusting that he will get on the bus (at school) ok and get home to her?  It's not like she is working much...she was waiting for him at home.... Excellent call. Something really bothered me about this. If JR is so intent on having a cop kidnap his son, why doesn't he save everyone the trouble and do it himself?

- Man what a bitch April is...  Just about everything she did today was either cruel or thoughtless or both...  (Bobby deserves better...)  Katherine was more appealing ....at times... and whatever people think of Kay, she at least was a nice enough person... Yes, even I must admit this. I wish Katherine had hung around, I really do. She was mean and nasty, yes, but then again so was April at first, and she came around. Kathy could have done the same.

AHN Val's corner:

- The interior decor in Sue Ellen's new house is rather matronly for her personality. Considering the look expressed by her office, and even her old townhouse, I would expect Sue Ellen to decorate with more pizzazz, not to mention modern furniture. Good call.

- Tammy Kent went to Europe for a year and she's only "a few thousand dollars poorer". All I can say is I want the name and phone number of her travel agent. Seriously it would cost WAY more than a few grand to spend a year in Europe. If you want to do it up right, as I'm sure Tammy did, we'd be talking major money, like maybe a few HUNDRED thousand dollars. Well, as Kyle points out, it's not REALLY a year. Maybe a few months in Dallas time.

- Tammy stated that she had just gotten out of the shower. Yet, her hair was completely dry, and she was in full makeup. Does she always shower, apply makeup, and then go to bed? That's rather messy for the pillowcases. I guess when she's putting bleach on her hair, she adds an extra cup to the laundry. Excellent.

- Tammy's apartment building is the very same one in which Jill Bennett lived on Knots Landing. Really? That's a bit hard to believe because the Knots producers and Dallas producers didn't get along after that whole "bringing-back-Bobby-from-the-dead" thing.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Dumb Question #13: How did the kids at John Ross' school find out that Sue Ellen shot JR?  I KNOW this isn't common knowledge because of the great lengths the both of them went to to keep this quiet. It must be in all the papers. Parents talk, kids listen.

- Being a programmer, I've always had trouble with the fact that JR, Bobby, and Cliff had their PCs situated BEHIND them at the office.  I've left it alone all this time because I figured they wanted to enjoy the office view while they banged away at
meaningless function keys.  But why, oh why, does Bobby have his keyboard WAY over to one side of the machine.  It leads me to believe that whenever he wanted to play Musical Function Keys, he'd have to hold the keyboard on his lap.  Is this not one of the things Carpal Tunnel Syndrome is made of -- or at least DAMNED UNCOMFORTABLE? Just a thought... And a good one. Interesting, he's replaced his Compaq with a clone. Good to see!

- This is not a nit, but I have to point this one out. Even though I'm not particularly a Patrick Duffy fan,  I happen to think he did a really good job on that scene where Bobby shows up at Tammy's apartment.  It's hard enough playing a believable drunk when everyone knows you're not one.  It's even MORE difficult to play someone who is drunk, but trying to play it off as if he's not.  Patrick managed to do both VERY convincingly... Yes. I agree. Very well done.

- But alas, the scene still drew a nit.  It's one I find a lot on more than a few shows and movies.  What the hell is Tammy thinking kissing Bobby like that? The man is DRUNK!  Shouldn't she at least give him a stick of Big Red first?  The worst is when a couple wakes up together -- morning breath and all -- and starts slobbering all over each other.  UGH!!! I take it you've been there. Val says you get used to it.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Wow!  Sue Ellen got that nicely furnished house real fast. Maybe the furniture was a package deal - power of sale, you know.

- When Sue Ellen was explaing to John Ross about why she shot his father, she forgot to mention everything but, "And I don't ever want you doing that." I just thought it was something she would have said. Hmm. I see what you mean, but it would have sounded corny.

- And then Sue Ellen says, "We'll have to have a talk one day."  What talk? You just had one?  Do you and your son want to be uncomfortable again? There's really nothing more she can say. Not yet...hmm. This is again iffy.

- Teresa calls Lucy "Miss Lucy."  Not that she doesn't deserve it, but Teresa is about as inconsistent as Knots Landing (thought I'd put that one in there). Well, what else would you expect, very frankly? If we have "Mr. Bobby" and "Miss Pamela", then this fits.

- Clayton says he can recommend some good ranch hands to Carter McKay.  If they're so good, why aren't they working for him? LOL! I see your point, of course, but Carter has a plan in mind. [Obviously.] These are not your daddy's ranch hands he's talking about it, if you smell what I'm cooking.

AHN Mike's corner:

- April looks super in the early scenes only to show up at Bobby's office with that Attila the Hun pulled back, piled up on top hairstyle. It was pulled back so tight it actually appeared top make her look wide-eyed. I can't believe that she's doing another heel turn. Who's the booker in the wrestling federation any way? I don't know. Actually, that's not true. I do know. Larry Hagman is officially an executive producer starting with this season. Obviously, like Kevin Nash, he's been the main guy behind the scenes for a long time, but now it's official and no longer a secret. Why he's doing this to April I don't know. She's the Chris Benoit of Dallas.

- April can't understand why she can't get to first base with Bobby? it's simple:  JR hit a home run. Yes...to use your analogy, though, you could say that JR hit a home run, so Bobby keeps fouling off pitches and waiting for an intentional walk.

- Bad editing job cutting JR off in mid-sentence as he's delivering his phony "I want to come home" speech to Ellie and Clayton.

- Sue Ellen seems to have an awful lot of time on her hands during the week for someone running a major corporation. She's gardening in the AM while John Ross waits for the school bus and she's there in the afternnon when the bus drops him off. Yes...she must be taking the week off or something. Maybe this is how she's mourning for Nicholas.

- And speaking of Sue Ellen's gardening, shouldn't JR be smart enough not to approach her at close range while she's carrying that sharp gardening tool? Well, let me put it to you this way. She had a gun, used it, and JR lived. If she tried to stab him with that tool, she'd probably just hit the area where his spleen used to be. [It was removed when Kristin shot him].

- In the ridiculous scene where Ellie forgives Sue Ellen for trying to murder her son, Sue Ellen is not wearing her big diamond wedding ring, even though she wore it throughout l'affaire Nicholas.

- Someone noticed that Tammy's hair was dry after just getting out of the shower. Even more ludicrous was that after a supposed night of wild drunken sex she's perfectly made up, with not a hair out of place nor a wrinkle in her nighty first thing in the AM. I'm sure all women wish they could do this. Or maybe she's just exaggerating - perhaps Bobby wasn't able to perform and she's just cajoling his male ego.

- I'm getting just a little fed up (read that "jealous") with the way beautiful women just throw themselves at Bobby. Last night he got drunk and the woman couldn't resist. Even more aggravating is a lot of times he turns them down! Such as the esteemed Miss Stevens? Some guys have all the dumb luck.

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Episode 284: Call of the Wild

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Jason]

> Cally  "You passing through?"  to JR
No he is going to move here... so many opportunities for a guy like him....

Angelica award: April clearly wants to be a belly dancer/prostitute for Cliff.

Cally's 'reckon' meter: 2.

- The Barnes/Wentworth phone system is my first target today. Jackie tells Cliff that Sue Ellen is on Line 3. Wait a minute. In my office, a call only goes to Line 2 or 3 when Line 1 is busy. Since Barnes/Wentworth is doing about as much business as Petro Group Dallas did, why would the first two lines be busy? And if they're not, why is Sue Ellen on Line 3?

- Christopher asks why he can't use a gun, and Bobby replies that he's still too young. Um, Bob? How about that time he nearly SHOT his cousin with a real gun? Isn't that a factor weighing heavily against the boy? Or have you forgotten about that because you were still married to what's-her-chest at the time, and you're repressing the memories?

- Jordan Lee seems a bit confused. He tells Cliff that no independent oil man could afford to buy Barnes/Wentworth, except for Jeremy Wendell. HUH? Wendell's Chairman of Weststar. He's no independent.

- But it's no wonder that Jordan's confused. I still don't understand Cliff at all, despite Jason's protests yesterday that his actions were understandable. With all due respect, my friend, they are not. Why would Cliff lie to Jordan Lee about having seen Pam? And Bobby? People he's known for years. But he's told APRIL the truth. He's known April for under two years. This is unbelievable.

- Sly's computer seems to turn itself off or go into screen saver mode just as she gets up. Not impossible, just very convenient.

- This is a rather delicate one...I don't really know how to say it, so maybe I should just come right out with it. The indication is that until the end of this episode, sweet young Cally Harper is a virgin, right? So after her first night, with a guy like JR....should she really be resting quite as peacefully as she is? Ladies, if I'm out of line, please let me know. I just found it kind of odd.

- And a final note, purely on a personal level:

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! Rose McKay!!!!! NOOOO!!!!! NOOOO!!!! MY BRAIN IS HEMORRHAGING!
[Sorry about that. Now I feel better.]

AHN Analise's corner:

- When Ray sold his house, did the furniture and interior design come with the package? It looks like McKay is making himself at home with Ray's furniture. Wouldn't a man of his age have acquired any furniture during his lifetime? Budget cut, anyone? Excellent call.

- Speaking of budget cuts, does McKay have any other clothing to wear? He seems to wear the same shirt and vest in every scene he is in. Hmm, he must smell pretty bad. Ditto. I totally agree. I don't think he changes for two weeks worth of episodes.

- Both Clayton and Ellie have mentioned this pending drought and how they are concerned about the ranch.  Then why sell Ray's land to an outsider when he clearly has access to the river before Southfork does?  Doesn't seem to make good business sense. No it doesn't and I have pointed this out. Do you smell what the producers are cooking?

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Why do the boys have a week off? Christmas? March Break?? Plot conrtivance??? It's late 1988 in real time, a reference point would have been nice. Yes, it would...but unfortunately, the writers do not share your sentiments.

- Strange camera work today. When McKay gets up to leave his office and move to the hallway, the camera follows him, but it's all shaky and jerky, like it's a handheld camera. You might have to watch this again to see what I mean. Yes, I will...

- I never understand this. Why are John Ross and Christopher all gussied up for dinner? There really seems to be no rhyme or reason to their dressing patterns. Agreed. I don't get it either.

- Is the water on the pavement just as the guys are leaving Southfork supposed to put our mind at ease about the drought? That was kind of weird. Very. Maybe it unexpectedly rained or something. I suspect a cut.

- Cliff mentioning a movie quote without SAYING the movie quote was pretty lame...

- I'm not positive but I think that Cally's older brother (Japhet) is the guy from the junior mint episode of Seinfeld. I think he was the artist who was in the hospital.

- I must mention this again. Why is Barnes Wentworth too rich for everyone's blood? They...only...have...one...asset!!! Well, in all fairness, it was a pretty big asset...Cliff bid $ 130 million for it, which isn't exactly chump change. But with some financing, it could be managed pretty easily.

- How does JR think he's going to get home from Haleyville after the boys and Bobby leave? I don't know...but certainly he doesn't expect to get home the way he WILL end up going home. That's for damn sure.

- Casey is a real sonofabitch. I can't believe the way he blows off Sly. Frankly, I find his character development to be a little lacking in the realism department. Casey just joined the Biff club: guys who inexplicably dump Sly. Sheesh. And for LUCY, of all people? Come on, Casey.

- This Gary thing is confusing. Is he a fancy boy or a real outdoorsman. I remember a long time ago, Ellie said that Gary was the one who really cared about the land, but then today JR speaks of Gary's poetry work... I guess he could be the outdoors type without enjoying hunting, but something doesn't seem quite right here. I think you've actually got it. A loner, liked to be outside by himself...he didn't like anything structured, like business or hunting or football.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Did anyone notice the camera kept Cally's breasts in a corner of the screen through many of her talks with JR at the bar?   Not too subtle... Not at all. Was Larry directing here?

- Good for Cliff for ending the revenge plot that he and JR have had for all these years...  I actually wish him peace... Shame on Sue Ellen for trying to use him.. Well, unfortunately, this means that Cliff is going to become REALLY BORING.

- Shouldn't the hunters wear blaze orange hats and such?   The boys seem to blend into the background too much... Well, this was before the whole gun safety thing came about...hard to say.

- Jackie got a new perm and Sly's hair has decurled...

- Southfork has a real background again... no backdrop...

- Why does Cally ask for a drink order from the Ewings?  Shouldn't the food waiter be asking that? Are rural towns really that hillbillyish?   REALLY backwoods!!! I think these are the same question. This is how they likes it in Arkansas...I reckon.

- Did anyone think that JR's 'courting' of young Cally seem similar to Ray's pedophillic lines to Charlie?   The age difference is very close in these cases.... Or Ray and Lucy for that matter... But Cally's legal. That's a key difference. Clearly the age disparity is large, but not enough to send him to jail [ordinarily].

- Interesting that Carter's girlfriend Rose is not named in the show today and only credited as "The Redhead"  Why didn't they simply have Carter address her by name today..  "You can't go into town, ROSE"   for that matter, why didn't they credit her as "Carter's girlfriend?" Contract, contract, contract. The writers have no idea how long she's going to be around. If she gets a name, they have to pay her more.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Hey!  Everyone raise their hand if they were NOT surprised when JR compared John Ross to Gary right before he shot that deer.  That many, huh...?

- Another note on the "John Ross Shoots Bambi" scene...  Was it me, or did John Ross look as if he could grow up to be a serial killer?  Lord knows, his parents puts him through enough where it may actually be understandable.... That would be quite the plot twist. Dynasty would have done this.

AHN Val's corner:

- I wonder if JR owns any casual clothes. Even when relaxing on the patio, he was wearing a suit and tie. He owns lots. Wait till you see his Haleyville collection.

- In the exterior shot of Campbell Center (Cliff's office building), there is a big, gaping hole in the ground alongside the Central Expressway. If I recall, it's been there since 1984. Is the road crew ever gonna fix that thing? Ah, the good old US of A. Where there is never any construction. We Canadians can only wish. Here we have four seasons: fall, winter, spring, and construction.

- Looks like Cliff has too much time and money on his hands. He must have spent an afternoon at the Galleria Mall, wandered into Spencer's Gifts, and bought every tacky desktop toy they sell. I actually like those desktop toys. Especially the one with the sand in that weird emulsification.

- The Ewing men took the helicopter to Haileyville. So how did they acquire that truck? It was an old Ford Bronco with the rear roof cut off. Certainly, a vehicle like that is not standard issue for the likes of Hertz Rent-a-Car. Even still, there probably isn't even a rental car place within 150 miles of Haileyville. Good question.

- When Bobby went to get the hotel rooms at the Haileyville Hotel, he asked for 3 rooms--one for him, one for JR, and one for the boys. I find it disturbing that they are gonna put the boys in a room ALONE in a place like HAILEYVILLE!!! The boys should have stayed in the same rooms as their dads. I thought so too. The only reason Bobby might have asked for this is because he's familiar with the room layouts and realizes that they're too small for more than one person or two little people.

- I don't know how old Cally is, but I gather that she is barely out of high school (18 or 19). So how is it that she's able to be working as a barmaid? I would hazard a guess that Cally is definitely legal. And by the way, I think that if Haileyville is two hours away from the nearest Hertz, then certainly a high school can't be any closer than two days' walk. My guess: she's probably 21 or so.

- OK, here's a mixed scene nit: JR was hitting on Cally in the restaurant, until Bobby yanked him away from her and her irate brothers. Then, the Ewing men (or boys, depending on your opinion of the characters) were seen hunting bucks. And then, JR is seen waiting behind the restaurant for Cally. It was as if no time had passed between the first and third scenes--they were both wearing the same clothes as before. As I was saying. I think you're seeing Larry's casual collection.

- JR sure had no trouble seducing Cally with his famous Ewing charm. It's ashame he didn't conduct himself that way with Laurel Ellis. I would have appreciated that more. You'll have to forgive me, but once in a while I must return to my neanderthal roots and live vicariously through JR's sexual conquests. You go, guy! You go!

AHN Mike's corner:

- I found it amusing that Cliff, who has proven unequivocably over ten seasons that he has no balls, had to buy a set to play with on his desk. Interesting way of putting it.

- JR has a short memory if he thinks Cally is the most beautiful young woman he's ever seen. Mandy and Laurel Ellis blow her away. No and maybe...we had better agree to disagree about Mandy, who was clearly much older than Cally. Even Laurel seemed to be much more mature, if not older. Cally has an innocence that no other woman on the show has had.

- Casey has developed into a real JR Jr. but he blew it with Sly. She's not just a secretary, she's president of a number of JR's dummy corporations.

- Is Rose McKay the classic cliche bimbo or what. The thought of George Kennedy in bed with a foxy young woman is revolting! Especially since he has not changed his clothes since arriving on the show.

---

Episode 285: Out of the Frying Pan

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Analise]

>Cally [planning the jailbreak]:  "Tomorrow night."
>JR:  "I'll be here."
Well, where else could JR be?

Angelica award: No one today, primarily because of April's depush.

- While the ridiculousness of Bobby and April's conversation is well-documented below, I would just like to point out that Bobby is an absolute gimp for saying that because of his feelings for Pam, he "couldn't be with anyone else" [read: April], but then decided that Kay Lloyd was worth putting his feelings aside for.

- Memo to the producers [even though there's nothing they can do it about it now]: we can do without seeing Carter McKay's sweat stains.

- I understand that Larry Hagman probably wasn't in great physical shape during the filming of this episode, but at some points during his chase scene with Cally, he looks like he's taking a stroll.

- I have experienced first-hand some very moralistic and repressive cultures. But Haleyville takes the cake. The Justice of the Peace at JR's kangaroo trial admonishes Cally for "what she did". This clearly implies some willingness on Cally's part to be with JR. So how in the world can any semi-evolved society describe what JR did as rape? If the judge truly believed that Cally was an unwilling victim, he would have described the affair as "what happened to her", not "what she did".

Analise's corner: [knocking on the door of AHNdom]:

- Is Bobby the President of Ewing Oil or a ranch hand of Clayton's? Yes, this is strange, isn't it? I mean, Ewing Oil is such a big company, and they do all sorts of drilling and selling, and they have all of those assets that Bobby amassed during this tenure at Petro Group Dallas....oh, wait! I'm thinking of the other Ewing Oil. The one that Jock built. This Ewing Oil, at this point, is absolutely meaningless. But your point is well taken.

- Bobby & Clayton are riding ahead of the herd and not paying attention to what is behind them.  This is dangerous.  What if a cow comes rushing up and spooks one of the horses?  Seems awfully careless. Good call.

- Sue Ellen's purse looks way to narrow.  Doesn't she even keep a wallet or makeup bag in there?  In fact all of the Dallas women seem to carry empty purses.  They must have either lots of pockets or nothing to carry.  Seems odd for a woman. I believe this has been mentioned before, but it's been a while. Thanks for reminding us.

- Raoul's quite the butler.  He even offers Sue Ellen iced tea even after she is kicked off the ranch. I was rather impressed, actually. You're right.

- It's bad form for Sue Ellen to criticize JR in front of John Ross. Oh, believe me, compared to some things she'll say, this is nothing.

- Are Haleyville folks that blind?  Dallas makes small town folks look like buffoons. None of them even uses proper English.  2 phones in an entire town? I once asked somebody about this, during Season 3 or 4, because I thought the same thing you did. But then someone who spent time in a VERY rural area told me that such conditions do exist, even today. I'll see if I can find that again.

- Cally seems smarter than she sounds or looks.  Good job at yelling at JR. She is. Typical story: in a place like Haleyville [and many others that I have witnessed first-hand], a really smart female could live to be 100 years old and not get a fraction of the respect of a dim-witted nineteen-year-old snot-nosed male.

- Is it straight or wavy hair for Sue Ellen?  Even she's not sure. She will be unsure for the rest of the season.

- Jackie has worked for Barnes Wentworth for so many years?  4 years not including Dream Season?  Hardly a lifetime! It just seems that way for us viewers.

- Is Casey wearing a suit?  Did striking oil mean that he gets rid of that silly country & western jacket?  Wait, in the scene with the jet it looks he has another stupid looking jacket on.  And how could he afford that plane this soon? Perhaps it was a charter. Don't know for sure.

- Ellie, again, mind your own business.  Dumb idea for Cliff to join Ewing Oil.   Didn't Cliff tell Ellie that he wants to be out of the oil business? And Bobby certainly caved in to Ellie's idea of a partnership quickly. Yes...YES! You're so right! I can't believe I missed this. That's the BEST reason for Bobby not to offer! Cliff doesn't WANT to be in the oil business. Great one!

- McKay still hasn't changed his clothes yet? I think he was wearing a different shirt when he went to that singles bar. Hard to tell.

- What happened to Clayton's blue Rolls Royce?  Was it too much a reminder of Laurel? I suppose it was.

- JR's clothes look awfully clean considering he has been in them for several days.   And where did he get them?  He barely had enough time to put a shirt and pants on when he was sent to the jail.  Did he have the white overshirt with him? Maybe he asked someone to go get them...but this seems weird.

AHN Anne's corner:

- What is up with Debbie asking if Jeremy and Cliff were staying to lunch? If they're sitting at a table, they should be eating lunch otherwise they should head on over to the bar. Something's off there. Hmm...I wonder. Maybe Wendell has a favorite table where he likes to discuss business. But this is a good point.

- Secondly, poor Clayton or Howard Keel, depending on how you look at it. His horse in the scene with Bobby was ready to buck him off! Really horsey horse. I'm sure that Keel didn't mind, since he made enough westerns to be comfortable on horses, but it still looked uncomfortable. Didn't notice. Good one.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I'm sure everyone will point this out, but backwater or not, Haleyville must still adhere to the Bill of Rights. This is 1988 (not 1888). No phone call. No legal representation. Whatever (nice plot contrivance). That's the way they likes it. It works for them, despite how stupid it sounds. If I were JR, when and if I get back to Dallas, I'd be on the phone to the Governor.

- What was up with Bobby's "you can see your nephew any time you want" bit? Gee, you're a swell guy, Bobby. I didn't realize Cliff was on Christopher probation. I don't know. Just something to illustrate the improving relations, I guess.

- Man, Bobby is such a wuss! April acts like a bitch, and then HE comes to her with his tail between his legs. And then she rips into him, and he takes it! Geez Bobby, is this the new, tougher character you were holding out for? Another head-shaker.

- April's "all my friends" bit was funny. Well, let's see, there's Cliff and ummmmm........ wait hold on, did I mention Cliff, and uh.... (and she  just broke it off with him-- sort of). At some point, I have to stop shaking.

- Ummm, here's a reason for Cliff not to be a partner at Ewing Oil... he's not a FREAKING Ewing!! Ellie, have you no shame? I know she's a Farlow now, but has she no respect for things passed? [Aside: since Cliff has become so dull, this will probably be good for the viewers]. She has ZERO respect.

- SO Cliff sold BW to Westar. Does he now work for Westar? It looks like yes. What does he do? Well, I'm not sure. He sold the business, so he should have sold them all of the [meagre] assets, including his office. So I totally don't get why he's still sitting in his office like he has a job.

- Nice generic name for a prison camp-- County Penal Camp. Hmmmm, does this County have a name? Silly.

- JR didn't know his sentence was for 10 years? What did they do at the end of the "trial", tell him they were going out for ice cream?? They probably didn't say....as you've pointed out, they're not too big on procedure. I wonder if anyone who ends up in that camp ever gets out [except JR].

AHN Jason's corner:

- Why would Jeremy trust Cliff enough to do business with him?  He just got screwed by a Cliff deal recently. Because the producers said so. [You're right, this is stupid.]

- Cliff claims to be taking Christopher to lunch when he arrives at Southfork, but then Bobby comes down stairs tying his tie like he is heading to work.. at lunch time.. huh? Well, since we know how much business Ewing Oil does, this is an obvious nit. [Kidding...of course, you're right.]

- April claims not to need friends... I wish I had a recording of this b/c she is always whining about being lonely.. Wasn't that dumb? Sheesh.

- Bad TNN cut after second commercial break..  Seems to start in Ellie's speech midway...

- Lucy tells Casey that she doesn't want to be #2 in her next man's life but then Casey says AFTER they are MARRIED, he will show her that she will be #1 in his life...HMMM....don't do it Lucy!!! You know, I don't exactly see your point, but whatever it is, I agree with it.

- Badly staged scene when Cally breaks JR out of jail by hitting the sheriff...She missed him by a mile... WCW would be proud.

- A lot of camp humor in JR huffing and puffing through the woods...   and why is he leading Cally... like he knows this area? I totally don't get it. I suspect the puffing was real, despite the fact that JR was practically strolling for most of it.

- Why is Bobby trying to "be friends" with April...  She has hardly been the wholesome or even decent type. And Bobby is asking for her back  (as a friend?)    come on... Budget cuts make for strange friends. Of course, you're right, but this is necessity.

- Someone on the Ultimate Dallas site pointed out that the "bloodhounds" that are tracking JR and Cally don't even have their snouts to the ground... How can they track a scent without smelling the ground?

- Cally says that there are 2 phones in Haleyville...  Seems like an awful big expense for the phone company to have wired up all the way to the town just for two phones... I doubt the phones get that much business...  (One of them is at the motel.. the other must be at the police station....) If it was at the police station, JR would have used it as he was making his getaway, right? Must be somewhere else. And as far as the phone company goes, they probably just strung a wire along with the power lines. Nothing fancy.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Bobby's ridiculous statement about not being fit to be with anybody: somebody pointed out Kay. But don't forget about Tammy. That was just a fling. I pointed this out because I dislike Kay, not to mention Bobby's self-serving hypocrisy.

- With the John Ross hunting incident and the first appearance of Rose McKay, yesterday's episode could have been entitled "Bang-Bang Bambi and Bang the Bimbo".

-Let me get this straight, Halleyville has only two phones but apparently has a top notch orthodontist since both of Cally's yokel brothers have perfect capped teeth? I figured someone would point out something like this, so I was just waiting. Cally's also got great teeth for someone who's probably never seen a dentist.

- Did you catch those ears on the Halleyville sheriff. He could have played Dumbo in the Disney cartoon. Not only were they big but the lobes were incredibly large and long.

- Cliff is an idiot. He tells Miss Ellie Bobby turned him down for buying Barnes-Wentworth when clearly Bobby never told him "no". Well, he didn't say yes...this is weird.

- Lengthy dialogue for the minor players in this episode: Debbie at the Oil Barons', Raoul on Southfork, Jackie with Cliff. But poor Kehli Gray can't seem to get her part expanded from opening and closing the door to Sue Ellen's office.

- What kind of a life is it for Christoper and John Ross when they are forced into jackets and ties and playing checkers in the Southfork living room at night, while everyone else drinks? I would say it's rather typical for snooty rich folks.

---

Episode 286: Road Work

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Rob and Analise]

>"Sue Ellen!  These just came..."
Kehli as she brings flowers from Wendell into Sue Ellen's office -- Oh really, Kel?  I suppose Sue Ellen was thinking  they arrived tomorrow.

>Bobby: "Is he busy?"
>Jackie: "You're kidding. The phone doesn't even ring around here anymore."
- Hello, Jackie? Why should the phone ring? Wendell just bought the business. Wouldn't Wendell have all the calls transferred to Weststar's offices?  Even Cliff admits he shut down the business.  So why should the phones ring?

Angelica award: Rose's clothes are terrible as usual, but Tracey's hot silk blouse wins today.

- This whole 'getting Cliff into Ewing Oil' storyline is silly. Today it reaches new heights. Cliff tells Bobby he doesn't want to become a partner in Ewing Oil because he needs time off. Well, Cliff, if you need time off, why do you keep coming to your non-functional office, which is property of Weststar anyway? Why not just stay home, like normal people do when they need time off?

- So close, Bob. So close. I know you're trying and I appreciate it. You've taken the first step towards passing Phone Dialing 101. Seven digits today...excellent. Except that it's a LONG-DISTANCE call to Haleyville. You'll need a area code with that number, dummy!

- When the chain gang returns to the penal camp, one of the guys lays down a ladder so that the prisoners can climb down it to hit the ground. Come on. It's not more than three feet, and that ladder hardly seems stable. Jumping off would seem much easier.

From Tom, a new submitter: Regarding today's episode; in the pool hall scene, what is Ace doing with a wad of $100 bills in his front pocket?  I mean, we are not talking about J.R. or Jeremy Wendell here, and Ace seems to be the kind of guy who would bring home $500 for a good month's pay. Perhaps he had a good day before Tracey showed up. This is a great point!

Dan Johnson asks: Has anyone besides me noticed the awkward manner in which Clayton gets into his car?  It looks for a second like he's going to crawl on his hands and knees across to the passenger side and out the other door instead of just sitting down in the driver's seat.  Maybe it's because this car doesn't have near the room that his RR has.  Or the fact hat he is as big as an ox.  Or a combination of both.  Anyway, I first noticed this when he drove over to see Carter McKay and invite him to go socializing and Carter took a rain check.  He's done it several times then.   Look at the tapes and tell me what you think.  I wouldn't want to be overly critical of Mr. Farlow.

AHN Val's corner:

- Once again, John Ross is shipped off to school without breakfast. Apparently, the Ewings feel that starting their children off with a good healthy breakfast is not as important as Bobby getting to his PGD office so he can sit and do nothing all day. My point is, Bobby isn't doing anything so important that he couldn't wait a few minutes for John Ross to get breakfast, and for Christopher to finish his.

- For Kelly's birthday, Sue Ellen was very generous to her secretary. Lunch at the Oil Baron's Club. A new bracelet. She treated her like a ......like a daughter!!!!! As I pointed out in the summary.

- When Kelly walked into the office with flowers, Sue Ellen looked as if she had been crying. She was obviously upset about something. But what? Was a crucial scene cut by the syndicators, and she was mourning Nick's death? She certainly seemed sad about something or other...I think there was definitely a cut. Don't know if it was about Nick or something else - perhaps not seeing John Ross as much as she'd like?

- When Lucy and Casey took their partially-to-fully clothed swim, Lucy had stated that she didn't have a swimsuit. But later on, she did! I suppose she could have gone out and bought one.... She must have.

- Also, Lucy and Casey are supposedly visiting Casey's hometown of Tulsa. So why are they staying at a hotel? I would think that Casey had his own home there, seeing as how his business in Dallas is supposedly temporary (last I remember, he was living out of a hotel room in Dallas). It's unclear whether they're in Tulsa or Oklahoma City...I don't know.

- I found it amusing that Bobby knew the pool hall waitress' name. Yes, I know that waitresses often say "Hi, my name is...." when taking initial drink orders. But there was something about the way that Bobby called out for her that indicated that he somehow knew her. What was even funnier, however was that she knew Bobby's name! Good one. I completely missed that.

- Nice move by Tracey with "Ace" and the pool cue. Oomph!!!! I find it surprising, though that Bobby wasn't completely put off by that. Now, Cliff did express a little fear. I'm surprised he didn't run for the hills. BTW, Ace looked "stuffed". But then I guess his package read the script, and knew to wear protective gear. Good for Ace. Hurts just thinking about it.

- Sue Ellen and Jeremy had dinner at Scalini. Yet Sue Ellen stated that she had never been there before!!! Yeah, OK, she had never been INSIDE of that particular restaurant. The decor shown was much different than that at Scalini. So it was probably a different restaurant. But the outside sign plainly read "Scalini". I'm sure Sue Ellen has been to Scalini before. You're right.

- Bobby has $900 in cash with which to pay Tracey her pool winnings. I know he's rich, but why would he be walking around with that kind of money? Especially since when he left the house, he figured he'd only be playing pool with Cliff. Well, you have to be prepared for these things. The way I look at it, Bobby paid her $ 900 to stare at her butt for a few hours.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Nice 'P' on the prisoners uniforms today. No doubt for Penal (as in County Penal Colony) or possibly prisoner. Sheesh.

- These Halleyvillians have a very creepy moral code. Conspiracy to commit fraud: that's OK. Conspiracy to jail an innocent man: that's OK. Accepting a bribe: Whoa! ETHICS ALERT! ETHICS ALERT! What is up with that? They're trying to act like they are super moral, but clearly they aren't. Typical of backwards self-righteous people.

- Clayton MUST have been mad at Mack (if everyone else is saying it, then so will I). He drove over his grass, twice! (one in reverse and then again while driving away). Must have been.

- Did you hear that barmaid ask Bobby if they wanted Bottles or Draft? Amazing!! A DALLAS first!! Yes. And they have Stroh's - a brand name. Spooky.

- Bobby and Cliff have excellent chemistry (and not in the gay way). It's a shame that they haven't been able to do this for a looooooooong time (like when Bob was a Senator). Get used to it. They're paired up for most of the rest of the series.

- Could Bobby meet a woman OUTSIDE of a bar? That would be nice. Not since Pam, who I believe he was introduced to at a party.

- Ewing or no Ewing, losing $900 while playing pool is silly. Is Bobby that desperate? This one left ME shaking my head. Essentially, this makes Tracey a very skilled and well-paid lap dancer.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Lucy wears jeans in the pool of a swim and Casey wears his watch...

- How come the shots aimed to scare off Clayton didn't frighten his horse? Must be one brave horse. Good one.

- I can't believe Larry Hagman agreed to this idiotic plot. I will comment in the "I think" today.

- Where the heck is Cally?  Her brothers and Rose get screen time but she doesn't? I think the producers could probably rationalize it, but it's mostly for money.

- I could be wrong but if the high cost of water was what originally caused McKay to block up the river, couldn't he have not bothered with all his expensive ranch hands?  They must cost more than the water....   again I am probably missing something but then again I don't think I really care about this sub-plot. No, be assured that McKay has a much deeper plan in mind. The dam is just a means to an end.

-  Some one from Pam's Ultimate Dallas site brought up a good point on a bad subplot....   Apparently  ( I may have been sleeping during this)   during JR's time on the chain gang, he is threatened to 'shape up' or he will be sent off to the state facilities...   Now, if this scene really happened (I don't remember and won't bother to check)  I would think JR WOULD want to go to the state jail... He'd be able to contact Harve and get this whole matter straightened out....   Just a thought... Yes, this happened when JR met with the camp warden. That's an interesting twist.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Not really a nit, but a personal note on the poolside scene after the second commercial break: DAAAAMN, LUCY!!!  I almost gained respect for you just on the stregnth of that bikini you were wearing!  ALMOST, that is.... I've never had a problem with Lucy from a physical standpoint, except for the thinning hair during her second tour of duty. She is a finely built lady.

- And why the hell is Kehli addressing Sue Ellen by her first (and second, I suppose...) name, anyway? Does she think she's all that because the boss remembered her birthday?   Hey Kel, perhaps you should use a more appropriate salutation... Like MOM perhaps.

- DUMMY MOVE of the DAY RETURNS WITH A VENGEANCE!!!- JR becomes the first to win THREE in the same episode -- his fourth, fifth, and sixth.  Being such a big fan of JR's, I think this dumbing-down of the character has gotten really old really fast.  Exactly what the writers expected to accomplish with this will probably baffle me to my dying day.   (...and given Larry Hagman's executive producer and booking status, this is downright inexcusable...)  Even though his bribery attempt got him put into The Hole, this dumbass tries it AGAIN less than a day (I assume) later!  And how far did he expect to get in that BRIGHT YELLOW Plymouth Reliant K?  The man IS a would-be fugitive, isn't he?  He would stick out like a bad outfielder with a paisley mitt. True enough, but maybe not in these parts. I think everyone in this part of the world drives a cream-colored '77 Safari wagon with a brown rear gate.

Introducing AHN Analise's corner:

- Floyd comes in to tell Clayton that the river is dried up.  He said he came straight away.  But the establishing shot shows that it is night at Southfork.   Hmm, must have outside spotlights on the river. Yes, I found that odd too. It is possible...just unlikely.

- I loved seeing Wendell with Sue Ellen.  He's just so evil that it's fun to see him try and begin courting her. It's more fun to see him get the smackdown in a few days.

- JR has gotten more hair since he has been incarcerated.  Must be that hard labor stimulates growth of hair follicles or each prisoner convicted of rape in Haileyville is forced to wear a rug as further punishment. I think the rug explanation is better. Don't know why Larry's flip-flopping on this.

- When Bobby called the Haileyville hotel, Caleb lied to Bobby at the request of Cally's brother Japhet (what a name, by the way).  And Japhet was sitting there waiting for that call.  Did he know when Bobby was going to call?  I hope he made enough popcorn for the wait. Was that Japhet or Boaz? I think Japhet's the one we've seen before. Good point about waiting though.

- Lucy and Casey in plaid shirts?  Couples shouldn't dress alike.

- Isn't the pool Lucy and Casey go to the same pool at the Singletree hotel where JR first meets Casey last season?  Isn't that also the same bar maid who kept staring at him last year too? The pool might very well be the same though definitely shot from a different angle. I didn't pay attention to the maid but I'll check.

- Lucy, take off your jeans before you go into a pool!  It feels awful to be soaking wet in jeans.  I had to do it for a senior life saving course when I was 14 and it was unbearable. I thought so.

- Lucy must have had major breast implants.  She was never that well endowed.   Hmm, wonder if her silicone has been leaking and spreading cancerous material? Lucy never had these types of scenes...but I think you might be right. Except in the case of April, the producers must believe that bigger is better.

- Looks like they locked JR into an outhouse! It seems that way...that was disturbing.

- I would have thought that Clayton would have gone out first thing the next morning to check out the river situation.  You know, around sunrise.  It looks like he finally goes out during the midafternoon! Boy, I'm glad Clayton is in charge! Well, it's definitely midmorning at least. Clayton's obviously not an early riser.

- Clayton barely wraps the horse's reins around a stump.  That isn't going to hold the horse.  If I were the horse, I'd take off! He must have learned from his son. Dusty would always be very lax in his tie-ups.

- The prisoners in an establishing shot are tending to the flowers with a hoe.  Like that is realistic.

- Did you hear Casey call Lucy a bitch when she chose to swim than sleep with him? He's such a lout! Lout is a rather kind word.

- Well I had to laugh when McKay said that he made sure he could legally dam up the water. No one else on the show seems to do such legal homework, especially Wendell. Well, Bobby did when he bilked the cartel over their joint property in Season 5...you're right that it doesn't happen too often.

- Ace calls Tracey a cheap tramp and she gets upset by being called cheap! She must have no problem being referred to as a tramp! This episode well establishes her tramphood. She pocketed $ 900 for letting Bobby stare at her butt for three hours. That's a real well-paid lap dancer in my book.

- I've never seen a pool hall with white walls and white fixtures. How bright! Is this typical? Definitely not. Excellent one.

- Sue Ellen said to Wendell that she wants to hurt JR so badly that he'll never be able to hurt anyone else again.  I had to laugh.  For her this is impossible.  She couldn't kill JR with 3 shots of a gun when she was very close to him! Yes, when you put it that way, you're absolutely right.

- I get it!  When McKay goes out at night, he puts on the dark gray shirt.  In the day, he wears the blue shirt.  Such the fashion plate! I wonder whether Rose does his laundry...

AHN Mike's corner:

- What was it they served JR and the chain gang for lunch? I recognized bread and water, but what was that yellowish rectangular mass on the tray? No idea.

- Speaking of Kennedy/McKay that leather vest of his must be getting pretty raunchy by now. He probably even wears to bed. Hey, I bet Rose would like that. I've never seen anyone with so much makeup on before breakfast! Me neither. They are a disgusting couple.

- I thought Wendell always ate alone. I hope they're not softening his heel character. I always liked the fact that he was so driven that he had no interest in women. You've hit on another "I think".

- Two things about the Lucy/Casey swimming pool scene. Lucy has definitely lost the baby fat. Too bad they gypped us out of the wet teeshirt scene. Casey is very thin on top once the hair gets wet. Yes! Lucy has become very shapely. At first I was kind of disgusted by this scene, but it was all for the best.

- Tracey shows skills at two pool games eight ball and Ace ball. The former requires putting the eight ball in any pocket, the later requires putting the two Ace balls in either side pocket. Well said!

---

Episode 287: War and Love and the Whole Damned Thing

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Jason]

> "Maybe Jackie could help Phyllis out..." - Bobby to Cliff.. talk about the blind leading the blind..
This is great! I hadn't even thought of that! Not just the blind leading the blind, but the bored leading the bored! Phyllis and Jackie can do each other's nails, I guess, because between their two bosses, they've got NOTHING else to do.

Angelica award: Rose. What a surprise.

- I've only got a couple today. The first and most obvious one was the silliness of McKay's mercenaries waiting behind his house to come out at Fred Hughes' whistle. Is that why McKay hired them - to hide along the walls and wait for a whistle? Or did they read the script and just know that they were supposed to be there?

- I also want to know where in the world the Harper boys got the gumption to plan that wedding the way they did! First of all, they found JR a very nice-fitting suit. And then they found suits for themselves. And combs for their hair! And to top it off, a preacher who I suppose won't squeal to the cops about their fugitive from justice.

Dan Johnson pointed out: When Bobby and Ray fought the 6 guys in the bar today one of the guys had his hands on his hips at two different times AFTER the fight started.  I'd hate to know he was backing me up in a rumble!  He must have been 'Cowboy #4' listed in the credits.

Tom Blackburn asks: Tell me, does April still own a restaurant? No one has gone there or mentioned it since the new season started. I know she has never been a hands on owner, but she should drop by occasionally. There is no indication that she does NOT still own her restaurant. I forget whether or not we see it again.

AHN Anne's corner:

- How come Ellie didn't get up when Ray came in? That's not very polite, being that he came all the way from Europe to see her! Oh, who knows. Ridiculous.

- "This old thing? I only wear it when I don't care how I look." Tracy lifted that right from "It's a Wonderful Life!"

- So Tracy paid Bobby $400 and then he took some of the money to buy drinks. Well, he dropped one of the four bills she gave him on the counter. How much could a couple of scotches cost? Apparently $ 100. [Keep the change?]

- I just don't understand why Sue Ellen hasn't used the same attorney more than once. Her first one was just fine for the divorce. (By the way, I know that they probably couldn't have gotten the same actor. It's the principle I'm critiquing.)
Well, do so! You're absolutely right. And Kyle Bennett did a good job defending her when she was accused of shooting JR - how come no one else hired this boy?

AHN Val's corner:

- Ray is stuffing his pants again.

- When Carter told Rose that she's "got a packed suitcase" and she can leave if she doesn't like the situation, she should have taken him up on it. Why does she stay around and take that abuse from him. I hate to say this, but I think that even Rose can do better than Carter. Yeah...well, I guess it depends on your definition of "better". Frankly, I'm thinking guys on the street are better than Carter at this point.

- Tracy referred to Cliff as "the best friend". Whose? Bobby's? Sure they have been palling around a lot lately, and are now in business together, but I'd hardly call them best friends. I think she's referring to the previous episode, where Bobby said that Cliff was his "friend". Cliff referred to her as the "hustler" and she was just jostling back.

- Those dumb hillbilly brothers were making JR dig his own grave. They should have make him dig it out in the fields. Somewhere other than 20 feet from the main house. When the local law (and I use that term loosely) comes around, wouldn't JR's "disappearance" coupled with a freshly dug mound of dirt arouse suspicion? Do you really think that lousy sheriff would come around and dig it up? I don't know...

- At JR and Cally's "wedding" the preacher man referred to JR as John Ross Ewing. No "junior". Did he relenquish that title to his son when Jock died? I thought once a junior always a junior. Again, I'm of two minds here. First of all, for JR to refer to himself as John Ross Ewing Junior at this point borders on blasphemy. Only Ellie would denigrate Jock's memory in this way. This is a good point, though.

AHN Analise's corner:

- Love that slow, stupid music they play when they are in Haleyville. Bass guitar? Bass or acoustic...I'm not sure.

- Clayton certainly speaks rudely to the judge on the phone.  Such an ox.

- JR is shown tilling the soil behind a jackass, literally.  Is this supposed to be symbolic? Quite possibly. Interesting.

- Cally, in her first scene was wearing an original Ellie Farlow sackdress.  Gee, she's dressing more like a city slicker. Well, that's good to see. She's getting in rhythm for her big episode.

- Those brothers certainly smile a lot when they are being mean.  Must be a hick trait. It is.

- Why is JR still wearing his jail uniform now that he is out of jail? Because he certainly couldn't go to the warden's office and get his other clothes. And I bet Boaz and Japhet don't have anything else that fits.

- Lucy is clueless.  So now she will start divorce proceedings against Mitch because he did not have time for her.  Does she think Casey will? Yes. We should have a "Who's dumber?" poll of the week - Lucy vs. April in a moron death match.

- When did Bobby learn how to rig a bomb?  Is that part of the core curriculum at U Texas? Well, Ray did the hard work. Channeling the spirit of the mad explosives dude who set up that briefcase for Angelica Nero.

- I loved it when Ray asked Clayton what he was thinking to sell land to McKay.  We were all thinking that!  Jock would have known a scoundrel if he had seen him! Strike four on Clayton.

- Hmm, do you think that Half-Breed's smirk while the cop was at Southfork might have given the Ewings away? I think so. Surprisingly, I don't mind having Ray back right now because he doesn't have an annoying significant other that we have to be subjected to.

- Did Sue Ellen know to have her handbag available at arms length on her desk just in case she gets asked out to lunch? I guess she did.

- Casey is wearing a suit!  Too bad he still acts like a pompous Oklahoma tumbleweed. He's ALWAYS been acting like that.

- Those ranch hands at Southfork look old.  And ranch hands say "reckon" a lot.

- Tracy needs work but not money?  So a pool hustler does what she does because the experience is character building?
- Tracy promised Bobby that she would stay for drinks.  Yet she leaves. Rude.
- Bobby scares Tracy yet she gives him a big kiss. Anything else bother you about Tracey? :)

- Great juxtaposition with Sue Ellen getting the divorce at the moment when JR marries Cally. Yes. Very well done.

- A man is killed in the last scene today.  So why do they play light-hearted cheery music? I have no idea. Very weird.

AHN Jason's corner:

- April has hit on Wendell, JR, Bobby, Cliff and even Wes but she won't touch Casey.. come on...

- Bobby doesn't pay for his drink order at the bar...  also he seems to point out Jordan Lee and Punk to Ray but the camera just shows a room full of extras...  Stupid to "show" the direction that he is refering to if they won't show the people he says are there... I thought so too. That was so lame. I can sort of understand for Punk because he's GONE. But Jordan Lee is seen again on the show so this makes little sense.

- Cally's bros are both seen in the car as it pulls up at the beginning of the episode but only one of the gruesome twosome was seen at the end of Fri's episode. Guess Japhet must have picked Boaz up someplace.

- Also it was dark at the end of Fri's episode but it is light out now... It's unclear how far the penal camp is from the Harper farm. It's a "county" camp so it's possible that it's a good drive away. If JR was sprung in the early morning, a little before sunrise, this could make sense.

AHN Jake's corner:

- When Bobby is at that little oil party, he says to the bartender, "Hey, pal, a scotch on the rocks."  Pal?  Odd. Everyone's Bobby's pal, aren't they? Except April and other non-virgins. [Kidding. Good point.]

- Where's the helicopter when they blew up the dam?  We know why it's not there, but shouldn't Clayton be wondering, if it saw them before, why isn't it coming now? I wondered that too. Awfully convenient.

- Bobby says everyone in town knows where Ewing Oil is.  Not quite, considering the fact it's not the original Ewing Oil and he hasn't done squat business!  How the heck would everyone know where he is?  A few, maybe, but not the majority of people, like with the old Ewing Oil. Excellent point.

- Ray says Charlie is pretty good at French.  How?  She's been there about a month and a half.  I've been taking Spanish for 7 months, and I have an "A," but I'm not pretty good.  I just got down the basics.   Considering Charlie got D's and F's before, she's a pretty fast learner. It's amazing what happens when you have to go and live in the country. You learn pretty quick as it is. I remember being in Saudi Arabia for two weeks. If you don't learn to speak the language really quick, you won't get out, because they won't give you your passport back.

- Bobby says it's just he and Ray against the soldiers.  What about the ranch hand (the one who got shot)?  Doesn't Bobby knows he's there? I think they're just talking tough. Of course, the brothers could have handled all those guys on their own...but they needed another guy to job to the bullet.

- For trained soldiers, they fought pretty badly!  Ray and Bobby threw more and better punches than them!  If it wasn't for the guns, they would have lost! Agreed. At least someone should have connected with a punch.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- So oil is all lousy again. right? According to Bobby at the reception. Why is it so bad? Is it still the fact that it's being undersold by Asia vendors? What about Donna's tariff? Tsk,tsk. You said a bad word. [Can't say Donna or Pam on the show.]

- Nobody really seems concerned AT ALL about JR. How long has he been gone for? It's been like a couple of weeks (on the show, I mean). Unclear, but you're quite right. This behaviour would be expected of [and welcomed with!] Lucy, but not JR.

- Sue Ellen's desire to be in "a fluid position" made me laugh. Ummmm, I know what she's trying to say, but the correct terminology would be "liquid". Fluid just sounds ridiculous.

- It's my experience that the BIGGER the wine bottle, the weaker the quality. And I've NEVER seen a huge bottle of champagne. I shudder at the thought. Oh Casey...

- The shot that Tracy says Bobby will "Never" make is actually quite easy. Not that I'm a hustler, we just have a table in our basement. There was nothing difficult about it at all. Yes! I thought so too, but I wasn't sure. I thought there might have been something tricky about the angle, but I looked at it again and even I, a rather inexperienced player, could have made that.

- I'm sure the militia group does have permits for their guns, but what about those assault rifles? Not sure what the government's stand is on those babies. Well, the NRA was a lot more popular in '88. Not too sure either.

AHN Rob's corner:

- You mean to tell me that Ray's been in Europe all  this time and all he brought back was an envelope with about five or six pictures in it? Were there only five or six? Didn't notice.

- ...And why is Jeremy Wendell being so damned nice these days?  It's enough to make one's butt clench... Because he's going through puberty and is hot for Sue Ellen's body. If I were him, I'd forget about the elder Ms. Gray and chase her daughter.

- D&S Oil?  D&S Oil?!  D&S OIL?!?!?!  Company names are obviously NOT the strong point of Dallas business people.  LIVE!!  It's the Clippers versus the Mavericks from D&S Oil Reunion Arena!  Welcome to the Giants versus the Cowboys from Petro Group Dallas Texas Stadium!!!  UGH!!!!! ROTFLMAO! Oh man! This is too funny! Don't forget about the Saddletree Dome and the Pam's Aerobics Unlimited Center [lovingly referred to as "The Leotard"]. Oh, boy! I'm seriously getting tears from laughing so hard. I gotta calm down a bit...

- No wonder Bobby whipped Tracey's ass in pool the second time around.  The ensemble she was wearing -- while cute as hell -- is not exactly what one would wear to a championship billiards match unless they were watching from the stands.  Still, April and Sue Ellen can learn a lot from the little lady...

AHN Mike's corner:

- Not only is Jeremy going through puberty as noted, this makes two times he has violated the sacred "I eat alone" rule. We can only hope that he doesn't try to entice Sue Ellen into a game of tennis on his home court. I never want to see the Jeremy's short-shorts tennis outfit again or that effeminate butler of his. Nor do I! Mercifully, we are spared this.

- Mention was made by other AHN's of McKay's rather incompetent mercenaries. Perhaps he got a discount on hiring the remains of the BD Calhoun crew that survived the oil field massacre. Kyle suggested this...but didn't all those guys die? Isn't that why Calhoun was angry at JR in the first place?

- These guys are beyond incompetent. First they get the crap kicked out of them by a couple of millionaires and then one of them stupidly shoots a Southfork ranch hand in front of a room full of witnesses. And why are they all wearing camouflage outfits? Southfork and McKay's ranch are wide open spaces with nary a tree or shrub to hide behind. Just to look mean, I guess.

- And why do two millionaires go to a local cowboy bar to drink beer in the first place? Have these two, either singly or together ever been in a cowboy bar where there wasn't a brawl or a heated confrontation? You'd think they'd have learned by now. As sure as two plus two equals four, Bobby and Ray together drinking in a cowboy bar equals a brawl. I could see it coming a mile away. Guess Ray was just sick for his second home.

- By the way, you knew that ranchhand was a dead man when the camera showed his face often and he got a line of dialogue in the earlier bunkhouse scene. It's the Star Trek syndrome! The guy in the red shirt who beams down with Kirk and Spock is going to get blown away for sure!

- Based on the assembly of ranch hands in the bunkhouse, apparently having a big bushy moustache or other facial hair is a prerequisite to getting hired on at Southfork. Ever since Clayton came around, I'm sure that's true.

- Re Bobby's difficult pool shot to beat Tracy: the first shot they showed was an extremely difficult angle. When the cut to another camera angle to show Bobby making the shot, the ball blocking the eight ball from the pocket had been moved away, making it a fairly simple shot.

- Immediately afterwards, yet another beautiful woman throws herself at Bobby. Well...since Patrick Duffy is heavily involved in the booking, this is hard to get around.

- I can only assume JR was wearing one of the Harper brothers' suits for his wedding. But they were both wearing suits as well. Are we to believe that one of these yokels actually owns two suits? By the way did JR's suit have a big "P" and a sweat stain on the back? How come JR's plowing mule wasn't the best man? I noticed about the suits. Forgot about the sweat stain angle.

---

Episode 288: Showdown at the Ewing Corral

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Kyle and Analise]

>Clayton: "We didn't knock the fence down."
>Ellie: "Who did? McKay?"
- NO Ellie, it's your OTHER crazed neighbour who's waging war on you.

Honorable Mention: [nominated by Jason and Jake]

>McKay to Ellie: "I take it this isn't a social call."

Angelica Award: Since almost all the ladies took a day off, there wasn't much to choose from.

- As you'll see below, several people pointed out the lameness of JR's wild ride away from Haleyville. But I would be remiss if I didn't add that when he runs out of gas and tries to restart the car, it sputters and chugs as if the battery is weak. I've had a similar situation happen to me, and this is not what happens at all! Assuming everything else is all right, the car will crank continuously but refuse to start - similar to what happens if your carburetor is flooded.

- And why does JR leave the lights on when he abandons the car? This does not seem prudent under the circumstances. Suppose he found a gas station after walking a few miles. He gets some help and comes back to the car, only to find that the battery's drained and he's back to square one. [Yes, I know he has no money with which to buy gas - but you see what I mean.]

- When Tracey asks Bobby about his love life, she says she knows about Pam. How did that happen? Certainly the memories are painful for Bobby, so he wouldn't spill his guts to her for no reason. Other than Cliff, she hasn't met any of his other friends. So how does she know?

- Oh, JR. You wacky dude lost in a world not your own. You finally manage to get to a phone, so you decide to call Sly. First of all, you're not going to get much long-distance time with a quarter...oh, wait. You'll call collect. Good idea! Except that you've already dialed Sly's number. If you wanted to make a collect call, you don't have to put in the quarter, and you'll need to dial 0 for the operator first. 

- Just a note: something about the hair and earrings, I guess, but Sly looked a lot like Laurel Ellis when she was waiting for that chopper to land.

- And speaking of the chopper, I couldn't help but notice how clean-shaven JR looks when he returns to Dallas. I think we can assume that JR might have shaved once or twice in Haleyville, but certainly he's gone at least one long night and most of a morning without a razor.

- Ray and Bobby still seem to be channeling the spirit of the mad explosives guy. I'd really like to know how Bobby can tell that the water well bomb was on a timer. How could he tell, for instance, that it didn't have a mechanical trigger or a proximity sensor or something?

Tom Blackburn asks: Where, exactly, was Lucy when all this was going on? She and Casey came back from Oklahoma. Wouldn't she be the logical one to take the boys into town to stay? And I would assume that Ray was not the only thing she learned to ride growing up on Southfork. She should be able to be of some assistance in running the place (perhaps recruiting new ranch hands?) Well, I think Lucy could be VERY useful in getting ranch hands to stay over - but only if she were part of the package. I think this was one of Charlene's days off.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Now wouldn't JR check the gas tank BEFORE it was almost empty? He seems almost surprised when it happens. And that was just pathetic when he tried to restart the car. I guess he was hoping against hope that there was some extra in the reserve. It was really sad when he tried to restart the car, especially since your car isn't supposed to make sputtering noises just because you're out of gas.

- The actual song (with lyrics) during Bobby and Tracy's love scene was incredibly silly.

- If JR really intended to write that guy (who gave him a ride), shouldn't he ask for his address. It's possible he did this off camera, but then when he leaves shouldn't he say something like "El Dorado, Arkansas, right?" just to confirm? I think the guy must think JR's just a bum who talks big, like Dandy. I for one believe that JR was sincere in his desire to reward the man, so I think you're right.

- Why doesn't Sly hug JR when she sees him? It's her boss and she hasn't seen him in weeks. Then again, I'm sure all thought Halleyville slave labour hasn't done much for his body odor. Yuck. I think that's why. She can see what a mess he is, and I don't care if he's the one signing my paychecks - no hugs.

- Go militia! Great job of stopping people from seeing McKay. When Ellie comes by "stop ma'am, oh come on, stop...... please? Ohhhhhhh." That was truly pathetic - but it gave me an idea for a tote. As a side note, when the range war is over, that guy has a great career ahead of him as a Ewing Oil secretary.

- Haleyville the ideal place for an upscale resort area? Oh man, that's freaking hilarious. At least make your story somewhat plausible, JR. Bobby could easily refute this. Well, that's the story that JR gave Bobby when he decided to stay in Haleyville - at least he's trying to be consistent.

AHN Anne's corner:

- What's up with Steve Kanaly being a part of the regular cast? I thought he was off. Oh, well. He is off. They brought him back just for this storyline, and I for one am sort of glad they did.

- No big time nits today, just comments.  First, I don't see the appeal of Tracy. She is so not pretty! She may be McKay's type but certainly not Bobby's. I must invoke the "no spoilers" rule here to refrain from commenting too much...but I agree about one thing. Tracey is very ordinary in my eyes.

- I also had to comment on the music, given ethereal treatment by the master, Richard Lewis Warren. Much as I love his work, I think it was misused today. McKay's reunion with Tracy doesn't deserve such depth. And then J.R. driving down the country road is another example of beautiful music when it wasn't needed. I think the producers should have saved Warren and hired Morley for today because the sentimental moments were not all that involving.

AHN Jason's corner:

- If I was JR I would have made sure Sly had the address correct before hanging up the phone... Seems to rush through this part. Good point. Why take that chance.

- Nice look up Sly's legs when the helicopter arrives.. Not nice enough. :( I wonder what the producers said to Debbi Rennard at the beginning of this shoot. "Okay, Debbi. Just stand there...legs apart a little bit...little bit more... pay no attention to the man with the camera who's looking up your skirt...good...good....VERY good...oh, yes!  ...that's perfect!...CUT! Now, let's do it again..."

- McKay's "crack team" is really lame if  a) they can't stop Ellie from driving up to his front door and b) they let Ray, Bobby, and Clayton steal back the cattle... come on... They're not stealing the cattle back - the herd just went in a direction it shouldn't have. Not being able to stop Ellie is ridiculous.

- The 5 cents off a barrel deal that Cliff and Bobby work out with the guy at the beginning of the episode is not edited into the contract that they have him sign.. It's unsure what the contract is about. Probably just an agreement to have Ewing Oil serve as a refinery. Details may have followed later.

- Just a note.. there is a HUGE height difference between Bobby and Tracey... Beth Toussaint is mighty short, isn't she? I'd like to see her stand next to Charlene Tilton.

AHN Val's corner:

- When JR started that fire, it "took" way too quickly. Sure, it doesn't take much to start a blaze once fire meets straw, but JR didn't even take the glass cover off the lantern. He should have at least done that to ensure a quick inferno. But noooo. He just....dropped the lantern and POOF!!!!

- I'm surprised that the Harper clan drive around in that old Ford sedan instead of a pickup truck. They are farmers (sometimes). They can't be hauling hay bails in the back seat of a passenger car. Maybe the truck's with Jethro at the shop. Good point, though.

- Just an observation: When Carter saw Tracey and Bobby kissing, I thought his head was gonna explode. I thought he was going to have a grand mal seizure myself.

- Tracey and Bobby walked into her apartment, she hit one button on her conveniently-located radio, and PRESTO! The perfect seduction music!!! That never happens in real life (at least not around here). Usually, when one turns on the radio, he is greeted with a lame car dealer commercial, or news, traffic, sports, and weather. NEVER ever have I turned on the radio to that kind of perfectly timed mood music. I always have to change the station, or at least look for a CD. What's more, that music probably lasted the entire duration of Bob and Tracey's lovemaking. I wonder how long that song was. Too long. This was such a lame scene.

- When JR called Sly, she was in bed sleeping. When she rolled over to answer the phone, her hair was braided. I know for a fact that that kind of hairstyle is VERY uncomfortable for sleeping on. Sly's liable to wake up with a monster headache. Must have read the script and realized that she was going to be disturbed.

- Another observation: It's a good thing Sly was driving a convertible when she picked up JR. He must have a good month of road work and farm funk under his shirt. I wouldn't want to be driving in a fully-enclosed car with THAT. Amazing what she can afford on a secretary's salary. Another good point.

- Carter laid the smackdown on that henchman of his. LITERALLY!!!! That was funny. The boy and I were laughing our heads off during that scene. The Rock [a WWF wrestler who specializes in laying the smackdown] would have been proud. I definitely was. Anybody who mouths off to Ellie like that needs to be bitch-slapped mercilessly and have his rudy-poo candy ass checked into the Smackdown hotel. .

AHN Joe's corner:

- I didn't take notes on nits, but there was one thing I wanted to point out that was painfully obvious.  The window in Bobby's office shows a cityscape along a waterline, and this night-time cityscape is egregiously obviously a poorly done flat.  The major mistake was putting a waterline in, as the reflections of the buildings do not shimmer nor do they move as the camera moves.

AHN Analise's corner:

- I like the address JR gives Cally, "Southfork Ranch, Braddock, TX"  No need for zip code or street. I don't think it needs a street, in all honesty. We have seen that Southfork does have a zip code, though, so JR should have mentioned this.

- Clayton loves zooming his car on McKay property. Wouldn't we all!

- When Bobby comes in with Tracy to her house for a romantic evening, she carries in one boot and puts it next to her answering machine. Where did the boot come from?   Kind of weird. Was it a boot? Didn't notice.

- Tracy unbuttons two buttons of Bobby's and his whole shirt comes off. Did he have the other buttons already undone? He's wearing a Casey special, I guess.

- I loved seeing Ellie drive past those thugs knowing they would never hurt a lady. That was great! Absolutely. Ellie rocks when they let her.

- Carter slapped Fred like Clayton slapped Shulton. Wimpy! It was a bit wimpy, although Carter at least looked like he meant it.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Bobby seems a little too happy after coming back from the bar shooting. He just witnessed a murder, for crying out loud.  And it was soon after. He was all smiles. Well, actually, it's a bit unclear as to how much time has elapsed. Could be a day or two.

- When J.R. calls out to one of the brothers about the barn fire, he comes over very slowly, holding his horse the whole time.  If I were him, I'd RUN OVER and forget about the horse.  Idiot. Idiot is a good word for Boaz.

- Bobby asks her why she's in Dallas.  Couldn't she just have been born and raised here? Then, like all the other Ewings, she would speak with a Texas accent. [KIDDING! Other than JR, no one has a Texas accent. But you see what I mean.]

- Tracey says she used to be married. "Divorced?" Bobby says. Yeah, Bob; she USED TO BE MARRIED.

- Did Carter only show Tracey's picture at one restaurant?  Why would she only go there?  Big coincidence. Well, it IS the restaurant where they have everybody's face up on the wall...don't know.

- Sly has a holder on her nightstand near her bed with about 6 pencils.  I don't know about most people, but I've never seen anyone with a pencil holder with 6 pencils in it, let alone a pencil holder.  Most people have just one lying around or one in a drawer.  I just found it odd. That is kind of strange, come to think.

- How did Clayton and Ellie know the fence was down?  No one told them. Were they just driving around in their car on the fields?  Very convenient, if you ask me. Yes it was.

AHN Mike's corner:

- That Peterson guy Bobby and Cliff want to refine oil for is possibly a bigger yokel than Cally's brothers.

- And about those McKay mercenaries. Now we know where he hired them from after watching them bungling the Miss Ellie arrival - they are former Ewing Oil Building and Southfork Ewing Barbecue security people. That one guy is a perfect temp for Kendall.

- Bobby certainly has a short attention span if he thinks there's sex in the offing. One minute he's all concerned about the range war. As soon as Tracey shows up he's into the dating mode. And how about the way he removed her skirt in less than two seconds. He must have been scoping out the attack on the buttons and planning it all night long. No question. Good work, my friend!

- Ray is wearing chaps during the herding scene but Clayton and Bobby are not.

---

Episode 289: Deception

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Jason]

> Bobby to Phyllis:  "Any calls?"
> Phyllis:  "No."
> Bobby: "Did Tracey call?"

Honorable Mention: [nominated by Kyle]

> JR: "...I met him through Calhoun."
> Bobby: "B.D. Calhoun?"
No, no Bobby. JIM Calhoun, coach of the Final Four bound UConn Huskies (who are going to lose, sorry man). Get a grip. They are not going to lose. Take it to the bank. Come Saturday, we will be saying "Scoonie who?"

Angelica Award: Rose, Rose, Rose.

- Off to a rip-roaring start. In the opening scene: I don't understand why JR wasn't wearing earmuffs as soon as he walked onto the firing range. Is the sound somehow that much less louder if you're standing behind a shooter than beside him? Seems strange.

- Jeremy Wendell suffers from Bobby grammar today. He tells Sue Ellen, "If you have problems that affect our venture, then tell me what it is." Uh, no, Jeremy. Since the word 'problems' is plural, the correct thing to say is "tell me what THEY ARE."

- I'm not a farmer at all. Haven't been close to one in years - but I don't understand why the Southfork herd seems to be out near McKay's land in EVERY EPISODE. Certainly there must be other areas of Southfork in which the cattle can graze. Or couldn't some fences be put up to prevent the cows from being totally free?

- When Bobby calls the office, Jackie answers the phone. HUH? Shouldn't Kendall, the receptionist, be doing this? I thought about the possibility of Kendall being on lunch or something - but if it's lunch time, then what the heck is Jackie, queen of the three-hour lunch, doing at work?

- I'm always on the lookout for nits when Bobby is on the phone. Today, I was rewarded again! When Bobby calls Tracey, he gets her answering machine almost as soon as he is finished dialing. Not even one ring. What is up with that? Tom responds: I realize that there is a ten year's difference in technology, but on my phone at work, there is a setting available if I will be out for a while.  This directs all incoming messages directly to my voice mail, and neither the caller nor anyone near my phone can hear any rings. I understand that this is the case nowadays, but Tracey claims that "she was home - she just didn't answer". So that would mean that she let the phone ring, right? I see your point, though.

- The guy at the bank confused the hell out of me. When he calls April, he seems to dial 9 first - which is good. Makes sense. But then he dials eight numbers. My friend, you already dialed nine! I considered the possibility that the first push might have been to get a free line, but no dial tone or other indication is heard at this point.

- The bank guy also made a rather weird comment: he refers to Lucy as "the granddaughter of the [Ewing] family". Um, how do you figure? As far as I know, being a "granddaughter" is not a relationship between a person and her family; it is a relationship between a person and her grandparents. Let me put it another way: suppose John Ross were being discussed; would someone refer to him as "one of the Ewing grandsons"? I doubt it. Or would Miss Ellie be referred to as "the Ewing grandmother" or "Ewing mother"? Not in her presence, unless someone feels like checking into the Smackdown hotel.

- Here's another one that really tickled my ears. When Theresa answers April's phone call today, she says "Ewing Residence" as her greeting. Two nits here. First of all, Theresa and others always answer the phone by saying "Southfork Ranch". The only other time anyone has said "Ewing Residence" when answering the phone was Sue Ellen in Episode 43, which I pointed out as a nit because it was the ONLY time that had happened.

- The other nit, which is so blatantly obvious that the writers can almost feel justified in glossing over it, is that Southfork is NOT the Ewing residence any longer. Eleanor Southworth Ewing FARLOW and her husband Clayton own the ranch. If anything, it should be referred to as the Farlow residence.

- Not a nit, just a side note: this is the first time I have seen the kids watching TV on screen, at Sue Ellen's house. It's about time! Is there not a TV room in all of Southfork where John Ross and Christopher spend endless hours?

Matt wondered: Does Southfork not have a doorbell, or is it just standard for ex-wives (and would-be assassins) to waltz right into your house? Ah, yes, the attempted murder in the heat of the moment thing. How quickly we forget! Thanks.

From Dave O: The banker during the Lucy-Casey scene was the same actor who played the judge who handled the custody of John Ross during the 1985-86 season. Yeah, I thought he looked familiar! Thanks.

From Tom:

- Why did J.R. feel the need to be evasive with Harve?  There is something called attorney-client privelage which prevents communications between a client and his attorney from being used in court.  If anything, J.R. should have told Harv the full story so that he can be best prepared for any legal problems.  The one person you NEVER want to lie to or be less than honest with is your attorney. I think he's just trying to confirm what he already thinks. But I see your point. Plus, he's embarrassed about it and the last thing he needs is for Harve to tell him that his marriage to Cally is legal and binding.

- Why did McKay act so surprised when he realized it was Bobby Ewing that Tracey was with.   Didn't he follow them to her aparment in the previous episode, and doesn't Bobby have "EWING" in big, bold letters on his license plate? That is an OUTSTANDING point.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Tracey uses her last name on her answering machine...  very unusual. Must have been Lisa Alden's roommate at one time.. Yes, I completely forgot about that.

- TNN strikes again. Lucy (apparently) agreed to invest into Denault Oil  (a separate company from D and S Oil apparently...)  this must have happened in Tues episode. Rather important to know to understand this whole fiasco... Bad TNN cut.. So what is the difference in the companies?  This is frustrating. They're obviously two different companies Casey created so as to play one against the other.

- Sue Ellen and Wendall have some sort of Marina deal going on to 'destroy JR'     Another TNN cut victim from yesterday....
Definitely. I don't see what a marina is going to accomplish, but anyway.

- April refers to D and S oil  as S and D oil....  just a note that the owners change the name to put their last names first when talking about it.. D and S, S and D...big deal. No one cares about this plotline, right?

- I like April in straight hair..  more becoming of her... too bad it gets curly again when she sees JR I think she just got out of the shower or something. I liked it too.

- I am REALLY confused about where Ray's new house is in relation to Southfork... I am under the impression that SOUTHFORK refers to the whole land that the Ewing Family owns..   Southfork Ranch is the house that they stay in... I assume that Ray's property and house is on SOUTHFORK the land.(like I assume his old, flooded house was..)  but today they said his property was adjacent to SOUTHFORK...  so do they mean his house is close to the ranch house or his house is close to Southfork the property? I think the writers are rewriting history just to make things easier to digest at this point.

- Just a note.. Section 40 and 50 seem really close to each other... I wonder how they devised up the numbering system...(I would have expected 9 properties to be between them... They might have numbered them "down" from the perspective of the map; for instance, one could be 40, then the one 'underneath' could be 41, and then 42 and so on. And then the next one over could start at 50.

- Rose and Wendell seem to go DOWNSTAIRS to see Mckay.. Kinda strange construction of the Krebbs household..

- Just a personal note..  I am sooooo tired of the bad commercials on TNN... between the Power of Living plugs and the bizarro gadgets like the Rotato and Shamowammie car washer, I think my brain may explode...  I think I'd rather see the Yodeling Lady back. No, man. Not the yodeling lady. Anybody but her. The commercials do suck, but that one was terrible.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Give me a break Swellen, Ellie NEVER agrees with JR. The fact that she does today (twice) is astounding. Well, I think Sue Ellen has a right to be upset here. After all, John Ross IS her son, and no one seemed to care about how she felt about it. But I see your point.

- Potential new tote category: number of times Ray mentions that HE was Pam's boyfriend BEFORE she met Bobby. Sheesh. I'll see if I can find more.

- Did you catch Lucy wearing the adoption lady coke bottle glasses? Those things are timeless.

- Bobby and Clayton are just big wusses. They fret about the range war, yet when JR mentions bringing in help, they're all "mercenaries!! That sounds violent." Geez guys, how do you think this war is going to be settled? McKay and Clayton in a winner-take-all game of Boggle? Boggle! LOL! Or how about a backgammon death match between Ellie and Carter? Or a jigsaw puzzle challenge? No, I got it...Ray and Fred Hughes play Twister. Winner take all.

- Looks to be a continuity glitch right after the first commercial break. When the camera switches from the head to toe shot of JR to a torso shot, it seems to be two different takes spliced together. I think you're right

- I'm pretty sure JR's escape wouldn't actually go to the Governor. A.D.A (or maybe even a D.A), but getting the governor involved seems unlikely. Well...considering that it's JR Ewing, it might be a high-profile case. Or maybe Harve's exaggerating a bit to make JR feel better.

- As near as I can tell, Bobby does dial 7 numbers when calling Ewing Oil, but only 5 when he calls Tracy. Tough to tell, you have to listen. Very tough. It's possible that he's already dialed some numbers when they cut back to him.

- Lucy doesn't know what the company assets are for The Denault Corporation? Geez, I know it's dumb ol' Lucy, but still... Perchance, do you remember Lucy's LAST business deal? It was with Eddie Cronin. By my count, Casey has one more asset than Eddie did, so she's doing better.

- Notice how the music stops at the restaurant when McKay gets into it with Tracy. Apparently even the musicians were interested.

- Hey, hey, when did Swellen sell Valentine? Must have missed that episode, too. At least they mentioned it. Unlike why April never seems to go to her restaurant...and nor does anyone else.

- The chairs in Swellen's family room seemed really tacky and out of place.

- Lamest (not boneheaded, just lame) Dialogue of the Day:  "You stink McKay, you really stink!" -Red Haired Girl (Rose). Hmmm, something stinks. I think it's your acting...

- How come JR and April are so chummy? Last we saw, she really was mad at him. Is April just doing a good acting job, or is this the Lucy Effect (when she returned to the show) in reverse? I suspect the latter.

AHN Val's corner:

- John Ross and Christopher were sent to stay at CLIFF'S!!!! I could just imagine: Cliff the Babysitter. I can see it now: the boys raid the linen closet and turn the downstairs of Cliff's condo into a giant blanket-and-bed sheet fort. Or, how about a scene of Cliff getting up for a glass of milk in the middle of the night. He walks downstairs (barefoot, of course) and steps on piles of Hot Wheels and Legos. YEEEEOOWW! Also, they could eat peanut butter sandwiches and Kool-Aid for dinner. Papa Cliff. I would have loved to have seen more of that, actually. So you could live vicariously through the misfortunes of other hapless child caretakers? I understand.

- JR referred to Harv Smithfield as "Harvey".

- Bobby used that guy's portable car phone for the sole purpose of calling his little girliefriend to play kissey-poo. In other words, it wasn't an important call. How rude! That dude has to pay roaming charges on that phone (which I'm sure were more in 1988 than they are now). It's always been my experience that you only borrow portable or cellular phones for emergencies, or for something important. True enough...but this is the Bob-man we're talking about. He's never really grasped this whole phone thing.

- Another cost cutting move: April's hair was wet when she was talking on the phone to Lucy. Obviously, TPTB (the producers; those boneheads) didn't want to pay the stylist, so they make April look like she just got out of the shower. Of all the ways to save a buck. Sheesch. I actually thought April looked kind of good.

- How could Carter have possibly known where Tracey and Bobby would be eating dinner. Did he give $20, a photo of Tracey, and his phone number to every waiter in every restaurant in Texas? Or is he just really lucky? I noticed that too.

AHN Rob's corner:

- I know JR is glad to be away from Haleyville and out  of those funky prison fatigues, but wearing a $700 suit to the FIRING RANGE...?! Good call. I guess he has an image to maintain...but this does seem excessive.

- What do you know, the old Jeremy Wendell is BACK!  He doesn't care if John Ross gets hurt as  long as Sue Ellen gets her revenge on JR.  Then he lays the verbal smackdown on McKay at the end  of the episode.  Vintage stuff... Yes, it is. But unfortunately, it doesn't last long.

- OK, so McKay wants to buy part of Southfork and Clayton doesn't want to hear it, right?   So why does  Clayton even accept the map from McKay?  He should have just slapped it out of McKay's hand and told him to get the hell off of his land. Ah, but then JR would not have figured out that McKay was after Section 40....

- Here we go again with cowboys going to bars carrying their life savings in their shirt pockets... I'm just shaking my head.

- I found another candidate for Ewing Oil secretary: The maitre‘d at that restaurant where Bobby and Tracey met... He can fill out his application as soon as Carter's guard from yesterday is finished. At least the maitre d' has the excuse that Carter is a filthy, disgusting person whom you do not want to get near.

- I've figured it out!!!  That Hughes character is actually RELATED to B. D. Calhoun.   Hughes forces matters in a lost cause just like B. D. did... While I really hate Fred Hughes, at least I have FEELINGS about the character. You really want to see the guy get his, don't you? That's what's been missing from the show for a long time. It seems like the producers have wanted to portray EVERY character in a sympathetic light once in a while. Sometimes you just need a badass.

AHN Mike's corner:

- New hairstyles abound. Not just April but Sue Ellen and Sly as well. Well, it's been a week! Can't go more than a few days without visiting the stylist.

- Kendall needs to go on a diet or start wearing the Miss Ellie sack dress collection. You noticed too? Maybe she's pregnant...don't remember.

- Once again Bobby immediately forgets his concerns over the range war to let dating take precedence. No wonder he never even met his enemy McKay before. I wish Bobby would have thought this way when he was married to Pam.

- Dumb dialogue: Ray and Clayton discussing Bobby's new girlfriend. Clayton: "Let's hope it's someone he's happy with." Right, Clayton, because normally Bobby dates women for the express purpose of them making him unhappy! Good one.

- A rare episode where Cliff wears casual clothes - to visit Sue Ellen. Usually he's in suits, sportcoats or bathrobes but nothing else. Yeah, that's interesting. It is a very rare occasion.

- Casey finally wears a normal suit instead of one of those hick models with the leather trim. Didn't notice. [ I really dislike him.

---

Episode 290: Counter Attack

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Jason and Val]

> Tammy to Cliff: "Is this still Ewing Oil?"
Can't that girl read? It plainly says "Ewing Oil" on the door--in two places!!! Blondes. Sheesh.

Honorable Mention: [from Kyle]

>Ellie: "How's Christopher? Ray says he's fine."
Hmmmm, so....he's....fine.....then. Sort of answered your own question there Ellie.

Angelica Award: Rose again.

The Carter McKay instant tantrum meter: 1. In Wendell's office.

From Tom: My nitpick concerns the Ewings' victory celebration at the end of the show.  Quite simply, where was Ray?   Regardless of whatever one may think of this character, he contributed at least as much to this range war as Clayton did, and should have been included in the festivities.

AHN Anne's corner:

- In terms of nits, I just want to point out that the writers' cabbageing idea with J.R.'s dream defies reality. Sorry, you don't dream exactly what happened to you!

- Also in that scene, J.R.'s eyes didn't have any trouble adjusting to the light. How unrealistic! Good one.

- And who let Christopher out onto the range? That's the worst. You'd think J.R. would tell the boys not to go riding yet or that someone would have mentioned it.

- Finally, Lucy's make-up makes her look like she has a permanent cold.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Oh my god, someone actually went to Braddock Memorial and not Dallas Memorial.

- Rose is finally named....  too bad she won't be getting the Angelica Award again any time soon. Oh, don't be too sure...

- John Ross is 10?  It is fall of 1988 he was born in late spring of 1979... Maybe Sue Ellen means almost ten, but this is weird.

- Just a note.. Lucy's really delivers her  "I have all the confidence in the world in you"  line to Casey in a very flat voice.   Even he should be able to figure out she doesn't mean it..

- Bobby's sling looks very small and like it could be pinching his neck. And I thought after you sling an arm, you then tie the arm to the trunk to prevent it from moving and causing a sudden jolt of pain. The sling looks even more tiny during Carter and Bobby's talk later in the episode. You are right. I knew there was somehthing wrong about this but I couldn't pinpoint what.

- Where are Ray and Lucy during the celebration at the Oil Baron's Club...Hmmm    the rumors will fly now....  Maybe they are both with April..... Now THAT would be a great scene.

- OK  here are the Cheesy Chuckles I got out this episode...When Carter shoots Hughes, could there be any less suspense or emotion involved?  He barely stops talking to Bobby, doesn't bat an eyelash and the pegs the guy off...  It cracked me up... Yeah, come to think of it, it was funny.

- Boy, Carter's men are bad shots to miss both Bobby and Christopher during the climactic "Chris gets in crossfire" scene.... Not just Carter's men...HUGHES! The one guy who looks like he knows how to handle a gun.

- I found it hard to beleive that Jackie, Kendall, Sly and Phyllis ALL went out to a lunch (or shower?) together during work hours...Who the heck was covering the phones at Ewing Oil when Cliff went out with Tammy... Ooops  I know.. THE PHANTOM IS BACK with a vengence!! Cliff said it was a birthday party...but you are ABSOLUTELY right. How did I miss this?

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Well what do you know? The Red Haired Girl finally gets her name. Hello (and goodbye, I wish) Rose. Must have been a contractual thing. Oddly enough, she's still listed as the red haired girl in the end credits. Yeah, I didn't get this. But Rose will be back, as you obviously know. I believe the producers actually may not have intended to bring her back, but decided to anyway.

- Whether it was intentional or not, the scene where Bobby drops the flairs on the militia bore a striking resemblence to numerous parts of 1987 film Full Metal Jacket (done by the greatest director in history, Stanley Kubrick, rest in peace). Didn't see it, so can't comment. Sorry.

- Another lame dialogue bit:
Clayton: "What does your watch say?"
Ray: "Right on time."
Oh, Ray. Have you never read the Hardy Boys? It looks as though Clayton is trying to get their watches synchronized. And even if he isn't, couldn't Ray at least TELL him the actual time. Sheesh. I think I know why. They're messing with our nitpicking minds, man! Bobby told the guys to be ready around sunrise. Well, obviously it's quite a bit after sunrise; but the producers don't want to compound this mistake by actually saying what time it is, since then EVERYONE will know it's well past sunrise. [Or else, Ray doesn't know how to tell time.]

- Bobby really should have checked to see if Hughes was actually dead. Everyone and their mothers knew that he wasn't. This is a classic horror movie device.... Bob should know better. I wouldn't have minded so much if they hadn't acted so casual to the second shot.

- Man, when did the Ewings become so experienced with explosives? First the dam and now Bobby's military tactics. 'Plastic Explosives for Dummies'? [by Timothy McVeigh? ouch.] Bizarre, bizarre, bizarre.

- The Jeremy with his jacket off! What a rare occurence. I swear he's always got a full suit on (except the one time he was playing tennis). I believe you are absolutely right. And I also think this is the ONLY time we see him as such.

AHN Val's corner:

- JR's stated that he's paying his shrink $200 per hour. Geez, he's a wealthy oil man. I'd think he'd have health insurance that would cover that sort of thing. Does your health insurance cover shrinks? I don't think mine does.

- John Ross and Christopher were sharing the passenger's seatbelt in JR's 2-seat convertible. This is hardly safe, let alone comfortable. Call me an overprotective mother, but I think it's high time that someone other than Clayton sprang for a car with a back seat. I wondered about this too. Weird.

- When Christopher was thrown from his horse, Ray called Braddock Hospital. How does he expect them to help? He should have called 911. It has been long established that they have 911 service way out in the country. In fact, Ray proved that himself when Psycho Connie invaded his home and took him for a canned ham. Another good call. How am I missing these things?

- Sue Ellen sold Valentine Lingerie. Yet, she still sees fit to keep an office. For what? To sign papers for the Marina Deal with Jeremy Wendell. She's got that brand new beautiful house. She should close up shop and work at home.....or is that too 'Holly Harwood'? I think she's got Cliff syndrome...can't leave the office. Well, she will in a few episodes, once she realizes she doesn't have to interact with Wendell any more.

- The trees at Southfork are decorated with Christmas lights. Why? They don't celebrate holidays. And even if they did, wartime is hardly the time to light up the property, especially when some of the battles are happening in the middle of the night. Those lights would act as a beacon for the enemy forces. Christmas lights? Where were they? I totally missed these...

- When Bobby flew in the chopper over McKay's house, he was dropping ROAD FLARES the enemy camp. What good was that gonna do? None, unless one of their jeeps has a dead battery. Well, they made pretty good smoke bombs. I think that Bobby must have figured out how to modify them to do so.

- Interesting that Bobby was able to hogtie all of McKay's men. He was outnumbered and outgunned. As was JR when he was driving through the fields in Daisy Duke's jeep. He too was able to capture McKay's men with little effort. They all got really dumb real fast.

- Bobby healed up REAL quick at the very end. He didn't even have his arm in a sling. I must be REALLY tired...I caught absolutely nothing in this episode.

AHN Analise's corner:

- In JR's dream, he sees himself in the solitary confinement outhouse, as opposed to seeing out from the outhouse.  How would he know how it looks to see himself in that outhouse?  Wouldn't his nightmare focus on how dark it was INSIDE the outhouse? YES! Of course.

- JR's hair looks perfect after having a nightmare.  While he is all perspired, his hair looks in place. Would you expect anything else from good old Larry?

- Isn't Sue Ellen showing a little too much cleavage while taking care of her son and nephew? I'm not complaining. :)

- The shooting is ridiculous.  Where are the mercenaries to protect Ray & Bobby?   Coffee break? Yes, I noticed this too.

- How could those idiots shoot a at child?  Oh and now the mercenaries come? Exceedingly convenient. Must have read the script.

- A child in his own private hospital room?  No way.  Children are always placed together.  Gee, wouldn't it be nice if Pam would come back from her vanity trip to see that her son is all right. Another excellent point.

- Bobby, not smart to tell your son that you will leave him when he goes to sleep.   He just said he needed you.  That seems cruel.  Somebody should keep him company after Bobby leaves.  It is the right thing to do.

-Why isn't Ellie at the hospital?  Some grandma! She might be visiting one of her other grandkids [snicker].

- Don't call the governor, Mama?  Bobby, you're not thinking again. He just wants to do his commando thing.

- Bobby is wearing all black.  Must be his serious revenge color. The lead mercenary tells Bobby to be as invisible and blend in as possible.  So why wear black at sunrise?  Isn't that obvious? Especially when most of McKay's mercenaries are without their shirts. Bobby should have gone topless. Oh, you would have liked that a whole lot, wouldn't you!? [Just kidding. I understand.]

- "Which one of you bastards shot at my son?"  Oh I reckon I did Mr Ewing sir.

- Isn't it awfully light outside for sunrise?  Did JR, Ray, and Clayton oversleep?   But JR looks good.  He even wears a sports jacket.  I love an attractive guy with a machine gun! I noticed this too. I don't know what the deal is with the writers. Why couldn't they just say "be ready at 9 AM" instead of "be ready at sunrise"?

- Amazing, Bobby was so into black that he even wore a black undershirt! Do BVDs come in black? They do when you're a Ewing.

- McKay must be pretty tall to make Bobby look short. George Kennedy is a very big man. You're right.

- We're back to South America and drugs!  What country??? None that we'll ever know about.

- Wendell's computer monitor is awfully high.  Where is the keyboard? I doubt he knows how to use the keyboard anyway.

- All of them are at the Oil Barron's Club celebrating and Christopher is still in the hospital! Hard to say for sure...maybe he's gotten out. It does seem weird though.

AHN Mike's corner:

- First off, video cabbaging (i.e the JR dream) has to be twice as obnoxious as verbal cabbaging between characters. To cabbage that lame Cool Hand JR sub-plot is twice again as obnoxious, as well as cruel and unusual punishment. I agree...but unfortunately it's foreshadowing, so we have to live with it.

- Nobody mentioned this yesterday (and neither did I) but let's have a moment of silence for the passing of the Harry McSween character in favor of Ratagan. Uncle Harry will be missed, but at least he doesn't have to worry about a mortgage (repeat after me: because he paid for his last house in cash.) Yes, yes. I know.

- JR going to a shrink is another disturbing step in the evolution of his character becoming a loser over the last few seasons. And what a cliche shrink! How many times did he say "And how do you feel about that?"? Not to mention answering every JR question with another question. Very typical shrink...but they DO talk like this!

- April had a very strange dress. On her left shoulder was a flap of the pattern that was directly under the flap and it was blowing in the breeze. But there didn't appear to be a similar flap on the other shoulder. But it is nice to see that April and Lucy have become good enough friends through their mutual Casey plight that Lucy is wearing April's ugly fringed jacket in her scene with Casey.

- It must be great to be an "old friend" of Tammy's (as she described Bobby to Cliff).  We'd all like to be friends with a foxy blonde who will allow us to show up drunk at all hours and let us sleep with her. She's gonna love Cliff when he's popping pills! She'll dig Cliff, that's for sure.

- I've been meaning to mention how McKay's mercenaries look like the real thing while JR's look like college kids on a summer job. They must have been talking up the local teenage girls at the Braddock municipal pool while Bobby, Ray, Christopher and the Ewing herd were getting strafed by the helicoptor. Still, Hughes has to be the worst shot in Dallas since Sue Ellen failed to put JR away at point blank range.

- Admit it, after Christopher was down and Ray called from the jeep phone for help, didn't you expect Bobby to ask for the phone to call Phyllis to see if Tracy had called? To be honest I didn't think about this but I wouldn't have been surprised.

- Once again, Bobby seems to have his priorities screwed up. His son has been shot at and knocked unconscious and his order of action is to bawl out JR first and then go after the guy who shot at Christopher? Val pointed that out. He should have stayed with Chris.

- Certainly Rose deserves the Angelica award but I believe her outfit deserved more attention than was given. Nothing about that outfit matched. There was a skirt and huge belt (looked like a wrestling title belt) and a top, all of which were about as far apart on the complementary colors scale as possible.

- Bobby gets all dressed up in commando gear and forgets the one thing he really needs - a bulletproof vest. Yup. That I noticed but forgot about.

- And how gullible is Bobby? First he believes everything the lead mercenary tells him about security and personnel. Then he trusts the guy to tie everybody up securely? Luckily for him this guy wasn't top notch. Any mercenary worth his salt would have given Bobby only partially true information and set him up by leaving something out or lying about some important detail. Then he would have made sure that he left one of his men in a position to get out of his bonds without Bobby realizing yet. I guess all off them wanted this thing over. It must be tough on the olfactory senses working for a guy who wears the same shirt and vest every day and lives with a bimbo who porbably doens't know how to use a washing machine. I figure that latter explains it.

- Dumb dialogue: Bobby after putting duct tape over the lead mercenary's mouth: "Don't say a word." By the way, though clearly pretty old, this guy had impressive biceps. Looked like he coulda been a wrestler or ex-body builder.

- The Ewings go to war and Clayton wears a pink striped shirt to battle? That should scare off McKay's mercenaries! LOL! Very oxy.

- In the final celebration scene, Miss Ellie appears to be wearing the Star Trek insignia as a brooch. By the way, this was a rare group freeze frame at the end. usually, it's one person they freeze on. True...but the group freeze will become more popular.

---

Episode 291: The Sting

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Kyle]

> JR: "I will be your silent partner"
> April: "How do you think Bobby will react to this arrangement?"
- Foolish foolish April. Hence the term SILENT partner. Honestly, some times...

> Sheriff: "I'll put you behind bars so fast you won't even know what year it is".
-I'm just shaking my head. What the HELL does that even mean? I think he's implying that JR's head will be spinning, but it just sounds soooooo lame.

Angelica Award: April's yellow square-neckline suit.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Man, oh man, can Lucy sure pick complete looooosers for lovers... Yes, I know. I toted them.

- Bobby's speech when he and Ray were riding horses did an excellent job of summarizing everyone's thoughts (I think). The show ISN'T the same anymore. You bet. Almost sad to see Ray go. Without a babe to emasculate him, he's almost tolerable.

- Aside from the fact that Lucy already knows Casey is a big fat phony, another thing that should creep her out is his constant talk of them getting married. Man alive, that would freak me right out (if I was Lucy, which, thankfully, I'm not). I agree. But I bet Lucy actually gets off on that kind of talk.

- JR sure seems to have a lot of bills (even for a rich guy) inside his jacket (when he offers it to the sheriff). That was weird. I know he's not supposed to be involved in the oil business, but pimping?? That's too bad. Agreed. The whole feel of this scene was very un-JR-ish.

- I don't like The Jeremy's sudden vulnerability (well actually, just in terms of the Swellen thing). That was exceedingly harsh. But funny as hell.

- I found it odd that there was no "Wendell was behind this" music (when he walked in). This could have actually been a sort of tip off. It just seemed awfully quiet (and not quite as intense as it should have been). Tough call. Might have been even more weird if they had pumped in the ominous music.

- I find it hard to believe that Tracy did not see McKay when she walked in to the Southfork living room. It wasn't like anyone was obstructing her view. A little contrived. Well, Clayton was sort of in her way...tough call.

- Notice the (lack of) product placement during McKay's scene with Kimberly (yuck!, BTW). When he has her beer in hand, his fingers are covering the label. Also, when they sit down, the bottles are cleverly rotated just out of view. I don't think was just coincidental.

- The look on JR's face when Cally waltzes in was absolutely priceless. When she starts ripping into him, there's a shot of him frowning for a second. It's quick, but it's damn funny. Cally lays one of the best smackdowns I've ever seen.

- I found it hard to believe that Wendell would sell off his Weststar shares just to obtain Ewing 40. He's a pretty shrewd (not to mention wealthy) business man, would he really need to do this? Also, the idea that he would sell his shares to Kimberly Cryder (most probably unknowingly) is also a little far-fetched. He didn't sell directly to Kimberly - he sold back to the public 'pool' of stock, and Kimberly ate it up. I don't know about this one - JR himself has said that Section 40 is the biggest untapped pool of oil in Texas. It's quite possible that its worth is somewhere in the billions of dollars. Just as an example, I do some consulting for a natural resource company which once bought a rather rich piece of land for several billion dollars Confidentiality agreements prevent me from saying much more]. So it's conceivable. And this is a rather ordinary commodity I'm talking about, not something like oil.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The Halleyville sheriff rushes right past Kendall who offers the token "I'm so sorry, he just barged by me"  line At some point, I'm going to try and tote these.

- If I understood it right, Wendell has joined the group of cast members who confuse blackmail with extortion.  (McKay's threat about getting Tommy out or he will blow the deal...) I believe you did understand it right.

- During his ride with Bobby, Ray talks about how he may return (if the producers want to spend the money) with Lucas but basically Jenna will never return b/c she likes Europe... I know the REAL world reason  (PP quit the show b/c she was bored) but it seemed kinda ridiculous to say his wife would NEVER return to the place she grew up just because she likes her new home... Heck just recast her again... maybe Loni Anderson this time.. Loni would have been nice - she did some TV movies with Patrick Duffy. Or how about Suzanne Somers? Or...and this is so perfect...Morgan Fairchild?

- A suggested nit from the Ultimate Dallas site... Someone suggested that JR send the mercenaries (from the Range War) to Halleyville and kick the rednecks's butts.  The OLD JR would have done that... Yes he would. But unfortunately the new JR is scared of a little 90-pound country girl. How is he seriously going to take on a whole town?

- All this talk is about McKay buying Section 40.  What happened to 50? I think that was just a smokescreen. Not sure.

- Where is Lucy during Ray's good bye speech?  I know she has to meet Casey later on at the bank, but she made a point earlier in the episode to say there was a lot going on at home, so you'd think she'd be there to say good bye to her "good ol' Uncle Ray"... Maybe she was up in the hayloft, basking in the afterglow...  umm never mind.... You had to bring that up... :)

- OK, now I can officially say it...  It really bothered me that in 2 and 1/2 years on the show, and with both parties being at several family gatherings at the same time, I find it very hard to believe that RAY and APRIL have NEVER spoken to each other at all...    I checked..  They were at Pam and Bobby's wedding, the 86 BBQ, the 87 Oil Baron's Ball and the 'Who owns Jamie's 10% 'court case at the same time..  The ONLY time we can be sure that they were even aware of each other's existence is during the court case..  But they NEVER have spoken.. Can anyone out there think of another time up till now that two mainline cast members co-existed on the show this long without speaking?   I don't think Cliff and Jenna #3 did, but Cliff did meet Jenna #1 when she was shopping with Bobby in episode 8...  I almost wonder if there was some bad vibes between the actors Kanaly and Wilson... Someone else suggested this as a tote category. Could be hard to "officially" tote, but we can have some fun with this.

- Cliff kinda paraphrases inaccurately his mistreatment of Jamie...  He says that he married Jamie b/c she had a piece of Ewing Oil.. Not quite.. He married her b/c he thought she WAS GOING TO have a piece of Ewing Oil..  It didn't work out that way and he started to treat her bad.  She only got a piece of it after she split from him.... True. Obviously, Cliff is just saying it in a way that is easier to explain. But it's a nit.

- I found it hard to believe a classy lady like Kimberly Styles Cryder is a "good old friend" of Carter McKay.. not to be rude but they don't strike me as hanging around the same social circles.. unless one of them has significantly moved up or down the social ladder over the years.. Oh, there was a reason. You'll see. And as a side note...you find Kimberly to be 'classy'? She's rich, of course...but I remember debating this with Kyle. It might have been specifically about Jenna and whether or not the fact that she was married to Ray changed the fact that she was a slut. We both came to the conclusion that after her wedding, Jenna simply became a married whore. Similarly, I would argue that Kimberly's very unclassy - almost to the point of being cheap. This is masked by the fact that she's rich. That would make her a rich vulgar person.

- Bobby's analysis of JR and Cally's marriage license makes me wonder...  I was under the impression that Sue Ellen divorced JR on the SAME DAY as his marriage to Cally   (as by the way the two scenes were shot on Monday's episode).. but Bobby seems to imply that they happen on different dates...  They may have happened hours apart but not days I don't think... And would Bobby really know off the top of his head what day the divorce finally took place?  He was kinda busy with the Range problems at that time... I think Bobby might be looking at the date on the license, which is probably a day or two after the actual ceremony took place. How Bobby remembers all of this, I don't know.

AHN Val's corner:

- How could Cliff claim to not know how Jamie died because "he wasn't there". Huh? Yeah, OK, he wasn't actually there when it happened, but he knows full well that Jamie was killed in a tragic hiking accident. A lot of what Cliff said was very nebulous. I couldn't make heads or tails of it.

- Theresa's introduction of Cally: "Mr. Ewing, there's a Mrs. Ewing here to see you" just sounded redundant. But dramatic and unexpected.

- As a side note, there's something that's been bugging me for a long time. WHY on earth are there curtains on the garage windows at Southfork? I guess Miss Ellie and the interior decorator had just a little too much time on their hands. This just seems ridiculous, unless of course Raoul and Theresa live out there. Hey! That may also be why nobody parks their cars in there. I never noticed. Wow.

AHN Analise's corner:

- If Tracy did not want to hear what her father had to say, why did she stop to listen?   Shouldn't she have kept on walking? Well, I suppose so. But then she wouldn't have heard about Tommy.

- McKay really needs a wardrobe.  He was the only one in the boardroom wearing the same clothes for at least 2 weeks in a row. 2 weeks? I would have guessed a month. Don't worry. On Monday, he'll start getting a wardrobe together.

- Wendell certainly bent his elbows high when handcuffs were placed on him. Seems uncomforable. Yes, it certainly does. Don't know what he was thinking.

- Bobby certainly forgives.  Now McKay is an honorable man?  When did McKay say they all could call him Mac? He seems like one of those guys who likes to refer to himself in the third person occasionally. Kind of like Digger Barnes...even Digger's own kids called him "Digger", not "Daddy".

- Why didn't JR call security when that hick of a cop came??  Oh yeah, what security. Exactly.

- McKay knew that Kimberly's father had died, but did not remember her married name?   C'mon! Maybe it's been a while since they've seen each other. Perhaps he didn't even know she got married....oh, wait. I see. If he knew that Styles was dead, he should have known about Wilson...hmmm. Okay, that sounds reasonable.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Oh boy, here we go again... Another quick court case for the Ewings...

- McKay, McKay, McKay...  Doesn't that guy EVER wear a suit? Monday. Give him one more episode.

- You mean it took Lucy to read a newspaper to find out what's going on in her own home?   Lucy actually knows how to READ? She can count to two if she takes off her sweater.

- Tracey: You know what's wrong with you...?
- Bobby: What?
- Tracey: Nothing...
Aw come on, Tracy.  I'm sure you can find a few things if you think hard enough.   Let's start with his inability to dial seven digits. Then continue with his tendency to jump to conclusions...  He's self-righteous...  He sucks at pool...   Aw hell, just forget it... She's only been out with him a few times, and she's only slept with him once [I think]. It'll take time.

- Man, Wendell really goes down in flames in this episode, doesn't he?  First McKay tells him to get off his duff and get his son out of jail -- or no Section 40.   (STEE-RIIIKE ONE!!!)  Then Sue Ellen lays one of those verbal smackdowns usually reserved for JR on him.  See my nominee for Line of the Day.   (STEE-RIIIKE TWO!!!)  Then Bobby and JR tag-teams to catch him one of the sweetest set-ups in Ewing history.  (STEE-RIIIKE THREEE!!!  And that's the CLINK for you there, buddy...)  Even Cliff Barnes never had such a crappy day -- and believe me, that's saying a LOT... I agree. Wendell got caught looking at a change-up.

- Dumb Question #19: OK, Bobby reads Cally and JR's marriage certificate and notes that they got married "a couple of days after JR and Sue Ellen got divorced."   Exactly HOW does he know when Sue Ellen got that divorce again?  I don't recall anyone -- even Sue Ellen -- telling him about it... This has already been questioned. Another point is that Bobby should have been too preoccupied with saving himself from helicopter bullets to worry about this.

- DUMMY MOVE of the DAY: Jeremy Wendell gets his first nod (and presumably his last for the next five to fifteen years) for playing right into the hands of the police at that deal closing.  Um, Wendell, maybe we shouldn't be so free with the details next time.   What an idiot!  But it's not all bad.  It also leads us to...BONEHEAD LOOK of the DAY: Wendell again, for the classic "how the hell did that happen" expression.  Hilarious!

AHN Mike's corner:

- Sue Ellen goes from straight to pouffy hair in seemingly no time at all. Lucy has some hideous 1940's pompadour look. Phyllis gets the Angelica award for a really ugly gold and black frock over a fire-engine red blouse. I didn't notice Phyllis. I'll have another look.

- I think I have Casey's suit rules figured out. When Casey goes to the bank, he wears a traditional business suit. All other business occasions call for a suit or sport coat with the leather shoulder and elbow panels. Glad someone found a pattern.

- Why does Bobby have his shirt unbuttoned provacatively to mid-chest in his riding scene with Ray but buttoned up to his chin when riding with Tracey? Maybe Bobby is jealous that he's about the only person on this show Ray hasn't slept with? And why did Raul not say a word to Ray when he opened the car door after all the sad farewells from the others? You don't suppose Ray has been playing hide the burrito with Teresa too? Now THAT would be an interesting twist. Revenge of the hired help?

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Episode 292: The Two Mrs. Ewings

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Anne]

>Christopher: "Why didn't you come downstairs to eat?
>John Ross: "She's there."
>Christopher: "You mean Cally?"
>No, Christopher, Grandma. I can't stand that woman!

Angelica Award: Cally's hideous makeover was bad, but it wasn't her fault. April's flapper outfit is less forgivable.

I didn't find anything that the AHNs didn't, so I'll just let it roll.

Dave O mentioned that the actor who played the chairman at the Oil Baron's Ball was the same guy who played John Cate (Nicholas Pearce's boss) last season.

AHN Anne's corner:

- Miss Ellie said that Lucy had come to the Oil Barons' Ball every year. Not the year when Donna Reed was filling in. Lucy told John Ross that that type of thing wasn't important to her anymore. She might just be saying "every year" to coax her. I remember she didn't go that year.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Someone finally reveals that there is a TV at Southfork..  Now where is this den they talk about... I would really like to know this! No one ever goes there..would it be too much to make a "den" set?
Val responds: Actually, I thought they always had a den at Southfork. It would have been that room off to the side of the living room that was sort of a home office. (Although that is not the direction in which John Ross and Christopher head in yesterday's ep. They looked liked they were heading for the patio or stairs.) This room was only seen early in the series. It was the room where the original Gary "cried over spilled milk". It housed a desk and a very large family portrait that changed with the seasons. And, if I remember correctly, that room also had a console TV and a couple of leather couches. In addition, there is a TV in what was Jamie's (and later Sue Ellen's) bedroom. Also, I think the living used to have a large, seldom used console TV.

- Tracey calls her dad  Mac... kinda like Cliff and Pam called Dad  Digger.. How did JR know about Sue Ellen's marina deal "revenge"?  and what the heck was this?   A career move?   Could we count it as an enterprise a Ewing woman has that disappears?   (Also include April Stevens' oil in this category...) Too many questions dude! Well, here goes...yes, she calls him Mack, and it is similar to the Digger situation. I take it JR knew about the marina deal because he knows everything. Since the marina thing never really started, I wouldn't say that it disappeared...

- Was Lucy trying to be mean by dressing up Cally like that or was it an accident?
Hard to tell...if I know Lucy, I would say that her prime intentions were to annoy JR...but I really don't think she's the type to use Cally to do that. Maybe she just thought it was a harmless prank, but I really think that deep down inside she wouldn't deliberately hurt Cally.

- Cliff discusses business in front of JR.. I thought he knew better...

- Sue Ellen's involvement with the picture industry confuses me...  She seems to be involved with producing pics (for Mandy) in the 9th season, yet today she seems to start to be involved with the production aspect again... Kinda unclear to me.. In Season 9, she simply financed Mandy's movie in order to get it going. Her condition was Mandy's involvement and departure from Dallas. Now she wants to run her own studio. The different is that in the previous situation, she was not involved in the day-to-day operations. Now she is.

- Just a legal question...  If a marriage is consummated, it is not considered eligible for annulment.. Is this legally binding?
No. Absolutely not, from a legal perspective. However, consummation implies that both parties knew what they were doing and had some intention of going through with it. At the very least, it's a great tool to be used as a defense - JR can hardly say that he never had any intention of being with her. Turn it the opposite way: if a marriage is not consummated, then neither party can say that anything has changed. I happen to be a Muslim, and I know that from a religious perspective, any marriage can be dissolved if consummation has not occurred. While this may or may not be true from a legal perspective, it is a good criteria to use.

- Cliff (kinda) says that he wasn't involved with Marilee....  Ummm   yeah, he was...  a few times.. I noticed that too.

- You know.. this was a great episode...  I really cared about the characters, especially Cally and Tammy...   very sympathetic...    but April is still such a bitch...  man, I would rather Bobby was with ANY of his past girlfriends (TRacey, Tammy, Kay and even pre-dream Jenna) than her...  I still don't like her... April still needs some time. My personal opinion is that she certainly wasn't interesting as a goody-goody, which she was for a brief period last season. She doesn't have the Pam charisma to be a babyface yet. I hope I don't bore you or anyone else with my wrestling analogies, but I feel they are pertinent, since wrestling is really the ultimate in melodrama from a character standpoint. I've noticed over the years that the most successful wrestlers start out as heels. The whole point of drama is to evoke a response from the audience; a bad response is better than no response at all. The worst thing you can do is be boring. In that light, consider how to evoke a response from the audience. It's much easier to make someone dislike you than it is to make them love you. That's why most wrestlers start as heels - so that the audience will at least have SOME opinion about them. First you have to care about a character, and then you form an opinion. That opinion can change over time; it can always improve. But the hardest part is making an audience form that initial opinion. That's why April was a bitch when she first arrived [and why she is now]. At least we have an opinion of her. Over the next three weeks, that opinion will change because of what happens to her. Contrast this with Tracey...does anyone really care about Tracey at this point? I would hazard a guess that people are more interested in Tammy than Tracey.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I don't know what viewing you saw (or are going to see) but mine (the 11 AM showing) did not have ANY special guest stars. Not even Cathy Podewell. Strange. There were none. Coincidentally, this is the 'mid-season' episode. I remember last season, during the 'mid-season' episode, you and others pointed out that there were about three different "Also starring" credits. I have a feeling that mid-season is contract renegotiation time. Gerrit Graham [as Fred Hughes] is gone; Wendell is gone; Ray is gone; Tommy McKay is soon to arrive; Don Lockwood is soon to arrive; Cally is back. I definitely smell some contracts.

- What happened to Punk? Did the production team not want to pay his salary for a measly two lines? Or is Punk gone for good? Morgan Woodward left the show after last season. He and Mavis are no more.

- It struck me as odd that Cally didn't end her prayer with "Amen". Instead, she said "thank you". While not wrong, it still seemed kind of weird. Maybe they does things different in Arkansas.

- I sure hope Sue Ellen did invests in those ATM's. That's probably looking like a pretty sweet deal now... Yes! Quite interesting, huh?

- Bruce Harvey's statement that "the movie profits would have been higher were it not for the usual costs such as...etc." was absolutely ridiculous! So, what he's saying is that had the movie NOT promoted or used high quality film and the likes, it would have made more money? Umm, OK. This was retarded (or mentally challenged for those PC minded people). I hate PC minded people. Call it retarded.

- Why would Harvey even need financing for this next pic? Couldn't he just use the money the studio made for the next film? Or is this too logical? I think it is. Of course, the next picture might be more costly.

- Well, Cally is nearly 24. What was your initial guess? I guessed 21. I was close.

- Just before Cally has that row with John Ross, she says hi to him but not Christopher. Tsk, tsk, not very polite. Yeah! What's up with that?

- Hmmm, I think RAD (the film production company) makes soft core porn films... Take a look at the scene they're shooting again. Hey, maybe that means Mandy's coming back! Or does she only do hardcore? [OUCH! Sorry, man, that was uncalled for. I apologize.]

- Bobby (to Ellie and Clayton): "I'm already late to pick up Tracy... McKAY."   It's boneheadness is multi-faceted: First of all, does Bobby really need to say her last name? They've all met her! This is silly. Secondly, her last name isn't even McKay; it's Lawton!! I don't get it, he says it right the rest of the episode. Multi-faceted! Good word.

AHN Val's corner:

- John Ross and Christopher ate dinner in their rooms. For a family that's so hung up on spending dinner time together, they are sure hell bent on keeping the children out. Let's fact it, those boys are treated like second class citizens. Or, they read the script and knew to be absent for Cally's arrival, knowing that it would cause such an uproar. The second is more correct, I believe. Jason noticed this too.

- The "movie scene" with the couple in bed was downright lame!!!! They're in bed, saying that they hope their spouses "never find out". Next minute, the door bursts open...BOOM BOOM BOOM......The deranged woman starts shooting. She doesn't ask questions. She doesn't even act shocked. She just open the door and shoots!!!! I'd hate to be the one to cut that wretch off in traffic.

- A few nights after they ate in their rooms, John Ross and Christopher were allowed to eat dinner with the family. Only Christopher chose to do so, however. I noticed the lameness of both.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Well, this episode is a fashion nightmare. So let's start there. It's real tough picking one outfit for the Angelica award butIi have to go with April's flapper outfit, which was greatly enhanced (negatively) by that wrap of undetermined material she wore into the ball. Clearly, she mistakenly thought the Oil Baron's Ball was having a Gay 90's theme. And let's not forget about her Bride of Frankenstein hairdo in another scene.

- Cally's makeover definitely included a trip to the Rose McKay Collection discount outlet store, right down the makeup overkill. Lucy was not much better in that dress that looked like it was covered in cow spots. As bad as this outfit looked, shopping later with Miss Ellie for an Oil Baron's Ball dress probably included a trip to Sack Dresses R' Us.

- Cally's white sack nightgown in her prayer scene was a clear indication that Valentine's Lingerie did not have an outlet store in the Halleyville Hotel. And speaking of Valentine, that ATM guy in Sue Ellen's office was doing an outstanding Ozwald Valentine imitation, right down to the bugged out eyes and the hyperbole about his deal.

- Bruce Harvey is so oily, he probably bathes in 10W40 motor oil. And Sue Ellen's outfit at the Hollywood studio was also really ugly. Blue and red with a WWF Championship type belt that made her ass look big enough to show a movie on (perhaps this was to convince the studio she really was interested in movies), three stage earrings that looked   like five pound lethal weapons.

- Cally got her hair colored professionally on the way from Halleyville to Dallas. It's now all one color and no roots. And what was up with that tee-shirt with the bow in the middle of her chest? Good point about the hair. Don't know about the shirt.

- I've never been able to drum up any sympathy for Lucy. To me, she is the most unlikeable character on the show and deserves everything that happens to her. Two examples are how she refers to Teresa and Raul dissmissively as "servants" and how she exploits Cally's naivete in an attempt to get at JR. While I agree about Lucy, I'm not WHOLLY convinced that she took advantage of Cally here. As I pointed out, certainly her prime intention is to bother JR. But would she really do this to poor old Cally? I have never gotten the intention that Lucy is cruel. Mischievous, yes, but not cruel.

-All those millionaires around the dinner table at Southfork and they're eating MEATLOAF!?!?!?! Something bothered me about that too...but maybe it was just for the kids.

- This new side view of Southfork they're using for transitions is so obviously a painting, it's pathetic. Obvious for those of us with big-screen TVs. :)

- When McKay goes to the hospital, he goes formal, wearing a sportcoat (but he wears it over the usual leather vest and work shirt).

- In the scene where Miss Ellie comforts Lucy, the latter is wearing a shirt from the Jenna Wade collection of clothing with UFOs. There are multicolored discs or buttons randomly attached to it.

- Someone noted the absence of Punk and Mavis but where was Jordan Lee? Marilee references him in a couple of scenes but he's nowhere to be found. Neither is the geek guitar player usually playing at the Oil Baron's Club functions. Must be a severe austerity move by the producers. At this point, Punk, Mavis and Jordan are so well established, the cast could simply refer to them but the producers wouldn't have to pay them to appear. True enough. Punk and Mavis are long gone - they decided to leave the show. Jordan will be back but is obviously on hiatus.

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Episode 293: The Switch

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Anne]

Angelica Award: April still has the flapper dress on. Rob thinks that Cally's nightgown makes her butt look big, and after reviewing the tape, I agree.

From Adam Lafazan:

- After Ratagan mentioned that the most of the strip girls owe him a favor, JR explained about his high standards, etc.  A second before the commercial break, it seemed as if JR kind of released air and smiled in an odd way.  Did you notice this or am I imagining things. I think you're right. Best guess: Larry himself realized how funny that was and couldn't help smiling at it.

-Why doesn't Bobby understand that Cally may not want to leave JR because of his $? Perhaps he's taking her at face value...tough call. Of course, if it was just money she wanted, she could just ask for it and JR would be only too happy to pay her to leave.

- What does Lucy do all day? Contemplate the mysteries of the universe. [Kidding. No one knows.]

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Oh, oh Cally...... The scene where she was wearing that nightie and the light was shining and..... ohhhhhhhh man! OH HELL YEAH.

- That scene with Bobby and Tracy talking about having "no oil talk at home" was almost exactly the same as the conversation Mark and Pam had during the Dream Season. Eerie. Yes it was. And you know what? I didn't like either couple.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Did Clayton and Ellie drive to  the airport straight from the Oil Baron's Ball? It certainly seemed that way. Didn't they do this once before? In the Dream Season, I think, Graison Research had a fundraiser in which Ellie and Clayton had a make-up scene. Then suddenly, they're gone.

- Cally's hair sure straightened out fast.. over night. Must be one of those Miracle Perm things.

- Christopher and Cally have dinner at the table, take maybe two bites then talk about staying for dessert......   Huh? Theresa must go nuts in there.

- Oh My god,  Bobby (and Ewing Oil)  now has valet parking... shucks  there goes that tote... What a shame. We'll see how long it lasts.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Cally's first sip of that brandy was hilarious!  But then  for the rest of the scene she came off like an old drinking pro.  What's up with that? I have no idea.

- Exactly HOW does Cally know where Sue Ellen lives, anyway? Must have looked it up in the phone book...or maybe asked Bobby or someone.

- Cally points out to Sue Ellen that she must have loved JR once.  After all she married him, right?  Interesting how Sue Ellen didn't point out that she married JR TWICE... I don't think Cally knows. Certainly JR would not volunteer such information, but I'm not sure why Sue Ellen would care who knows.

- O.K., Cliff asks for a hot dog with everything on it. (No small surprise he didn't ask for it out of a Chinese food carton, but I digress...)  But why does he get a dog with absolutely NOTHING on it?  If that had happened to me, I would have raised some hell  for sure...

- What is this with people having absolutely NO experience suddenly running oil companies?   This is nothing new on Dallas, granted, but it's getting ridiculous just the same.   It had been established that McKay once worked for Westar, so I can see him being chairman of the board; but Tracey in a high position in the company?!  What's her title going to be? Vice President -- Hustling Division? I think that's a good title. This is totally weird.

AHN Val's corner:

-Return of Pebbles Flintstone Hair: Tracey Lawton

- Even in a tux, Cliff still wears a clown hanky. Cliff is fully into his Krusty the Klown personna.

- Carter is AGAIN wearing that denim shirt/leather vest combo. I guess it's possible that he does laundry every night. Although this seems unlikely with Rose gone. Actually, Carter reminds me of a preschooler. Last year, my son got into a phase where he would only wear this one sweat shirt. This is a common occurance among 3 year olds. Maybe Carter is reliving his toddlerhood. This guy is WEIRD. If this whole "running Weststar" storyline has a saving grace, it's that it'll get George Kennedy out of those clothes.

- Christopher dresses for dinner even when he's eating alone with Cally. All I could say was "yeah, right!!!" Cally and Christopher barely touch their dinner. All of a sudden, they're contemplating dessert!!!! That's how I want to eat: a few bites of meatloaf, then a giant hot fudge sundae, dripping with whipped cream and walnuts. Down, girl! Down!

- The stripper scene was, if anything, HILARIOUS! I laughed the whole time. Ratagan didn't seem impressed by what he was seeing. In fact, all the men in the place were rather well behaved. No cat calls. No hollering. The audience looked and acted more like patrons of the Christian Science Reading Room. Oh, and that music was nothing short of CHEESEY!!!!!!! Hardly your typical strip joint.

- When Cliff and Bobby went to the hot dog vendor, they were on their way to work. Bobby said "it's a little early" for him when Cliff made the offer that he ulitmately couldn't afford. All this tells me that it was around 8 or 9:00 in the morning. So I wonder: who on earth sells hot dogs that early in the morning. I've seen coffee and capuccino kiosks and vendors that sell bagels and muffins at that time of the day. But HOT DOGS???? Not during the morning breakfast rush. I noticed this too. This was just stupid.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Also about names, that movie guy calls Sue Ellen "Mrs. E." throughout the whole episode.  He usually calls her "Mrs. Ewing."  "Mrs. E." is rude, too. Like a first-grader who can't pronounce his teacher's name.   "Mrs. E., can I go to the bathroom?" LOL! Nice one.

- Bobby says, as leaves Carter on his horse, "You still didn't answer my question."  Well, not in so many words, but he did.  Carter explained that a friend asked him to run Weststar, and he didn't really want to.  So therefore it was not all a plot to overthrow Wendell. True enough.

- When Cally comes to see Sue Ellen, Sue Ellen's maid says "someone is here to see you."  I hate when they do that.  Just tell Sue Ellen who it is. Because they always ask anyway.  "Who?" Just once I'd like to hear someone say, "Oh, someone's here? Send whoever it is in."

- I was quite puzzled by Christopher's thinking that Cally was pretty.  I can understand why he likes her - she's so sweet and MOTHERLY - but why would a seven-year old find her pretty?  When I was seven, or eight, I did not think girls were pretty.   I didn't like them.  Maybe I was weird, but Christopher seems to me to be the weird one (although I can't blame him! Wow!). Oh, I absolutely agree. I'm trying to think back...obviously, at that age, girls are icky, but isn't that usually reserved for girls of the same age group? For instance, I remember hearing boys that age talk about pretty teenage girls who had developing bodies. This is a tough call.

AHN Mike's corner:

- JR had no problems lying ruthlessly to anyone before to get what he wanted or caring about whether it hurt them. And for now, he wants Cally gone. So why not lie about sleeping with April? Well, I think he still wants her as a concubine of sorts and figures she'll warm up to the idea. Since she can't go back to Haleyville [as she has said] he figures she'll hang around Dallas and eventually she'll get lonely. Plus, it's obvious that she loves him and is willing to do almost anything for him, so in public he'll hurt her just like he hurt Sue Ellen. But in private, things were always a little bit different between JR and Sue Ellen.

- Worse yet, he inexplicably backed off in two situations (with April and Cally) where he was rebuffed sexually. The old JR would have either blackmailed his way into sex or just forced himself on them. Instead, in both cases he slinks off with his tail (and other limp appendages) between his legs. And how about that JR "Don't Drink and Drive" public service announcement?
I liked the PSA. I think April is too smart for that and I bet Cally is too, at this point. Besides, he's not in his "zone" - it's tough to make a move on a woman when you're counting on crashing at her place or sleeping outside.

- The best JR move of the episode was executed by John Ross when he told Cally how fast she'd be gone if he decided he wanted her gone. True enough. Like father, like son.

- I thought we were supposed to be seeing a new winner Cliff? Seems like the same old loser, feeling sorry for himself, turning down sex with Tammy and ultimately screwing up the relationship. What gave you the impression the Cliff was going to be a "winner"? You were misled. The only thing that's changed is that Bobby has brought him into Ewing Oil. So now he's a loser with more opportunities. Just like Jenna was a married whore and Kimberly was a cheap woman with class.

- This whole Sue Ellen buys a movie studio sub-plot sucks. The only good part about it is that oily suck-up Bruce Harvey. For the first time since Nicholas left us, somebody gave Kehli the old up-down lascivious look when she let Harvey into Sue Ellen's office. And the shit-eating grin on his face while doing it was priceless! Absolutely. I bet you anything he forced multiple takes by deliberately messing up his lines so he could check her out again.

- I also thought Sue Ellen took advantage of Cally in giving her the advice to play hard to get. Yes, JR loves the chase but she failed to warn Cally that once JR gets what he wants, it's only a matter of time before he gets bored and looking for new conquests. Clearly, Sue Ellen felt she was dealing with a rube after seeing that Little Orphan Annie outfit Cally showed up in. Sue Ellen is becoming more like the old JR every day. Yes, she is. I hadn't thought of it that way.

- On the subject of Tracy, do they ever explain why her name is Lawton and not McKay? Did you notice she was wearing a matching shirt in the riding scene with dad to the one McKay never takes off? I hear you. I don't remember whether it's explained why she's a Lawton - perhaps it is as some point. Either her mother's maiden name or her ex-husband's name. Of course, the REAL reason is so that Bobby wouldn't realize that she was McKay's daughter until too late.

AHN Analise's corner:

- Isn't it great that the President of Ewing Oil is available to fill in as a cow hand when Clayton is gone? Well, since Ewing Oil seems to be getting their deals stolen right and left, I suppose it doesn't matter.

- If Bobby doesn't trust JR to run Ewing Oil, why the heck isn't he at the office?? I guess Cliff can handle things. [Snicker.] I'm just shaking my head.

- Is the drought over yet?  Haven't heard anyone talking about the lack of water for grazing.  I guess after a range war, droughts usually end. Certainly they do on Dallas.

- How does Sue Ellen know that there even is a board of directors for a studio??   Does she assume every company is public? Maybe, unlike Nicholas, she really DOES her homework.

- Wow, set a price and then add 10%.  I wish I had something substantial which Sue Ellen would want to buy. Me too.

- If Ellie took Cally shopping as she claimed to have done before she left for Europe, why was Cally dressed like a bumpkin school girl when she visited Sue Ellen? Simple. Ellie took her to all of the sack dress stores, but there was nothing that would fit Cally properly. Ellie doesn't know any other good places to shop [obviously].

- This nit involves Theresa!  She made a mistake.  She served salad at the same time as the main course.  Etiquette wise, this can be seen as incorrect because the salad course comes before the entree.  Now in some other countries, the salad does come after the meal.  The point is, the salad course should not be served with the main course.  By the time a person finishes eating his or salad, the main course is either cold or luke warm.  This is careless.  I guess Theresa thought that it didn't matter since it was only Christopher and the child bride!

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Episode 294: Here's Papa!

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Jason]

>Bobby to Christopher: "You can have a breakfast like this tomorrow.  Go on now."

Angelica Award: The rude mall clerk's bad hat.

Cally's 'reckon' meter: 1.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The whole concept about JR not bothering to get security when hearing the mob is after him is stupid of course. His being bothered by the thought of hiring security is even stupider.

- April seemingly has forgotten her little trip with her mafia friends from last season, since she basically tells JR not to worry about it. How quickly we forget these things.

- Why Sue Ellen would bother to cover for JR is beyond me.  Why she even gave him any info on the Lombardi family is even more ridiculous. This is all very confusing. I need some time to think about it.

- So when was Nick buried?  Did Sue Ellen even go to the funeral?  Why has it taken Mr. L this long to get to Dallas? I don't know, because the police would have retained the body during their investigation; probably not; and I think the reason for this is to make some preparations [i.e. hire "Mike and Frank" to keep things quiet] before investigating.

- Of course I couldn't let this slip by.....   Cally slaves away making a breakfast for "the boys".  Bobby lets Chris take about 2 bits, sees his son may actaully be liking the concept of a full breakfast and shoos him away, saying he can have a good breakfast the next day...  Come on...  Bad Line of the day....

- The Phantom must be bored at Ewing Oil with all those redundant secretaries so now he has passed his Driver's ed calls and is carting Ewing children off to school. Then what's all this talk about the bus? Or is that only on dramatic days like when Lisa Alden wants to pick them up?

- Kelley buzzes Sue Ellen and tells her that she has guests waiting for her.    Sue Ellen tells her to send them in, and Sue Ellen then walks over to the door and opens it..  Why?  That's Kelley's job?     And we know how children of the high ups love to get screen time. Yeah...I remember seeing this and thinking it was strange. I thought there might be some reason for it but I didn't give it a second thought.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Cally mentions something to the effect of "can you answer one question without being mean?", yet I don't recall her posing a question during the scene. Kind of weird (although she's probably alluding to past incidences). I think so. And allude, baby! Allude! And maybe while you're at it, slink on another one of those nightgowns...

- I like this one. When Cally gears up to throw the pie in JR's face, she is clearly attempting to make an overhand toss. Then, the camera cuts to a shot of JR and we see what is supposed to be Cally's hand, throwing the pie UNDERhand (ie. with an upwards trajectory). Oh, those stunt people... I didn't notice this. That is fantastic!

- Sidebar: why doesn't JR attempt to move when he sees that Cally intends to hit him with the pie? Dear in the headlights syndrome? (or just BILC? probably.) BILC. For sure.

- When Bobby wraps up his initial meeting with Cliff today, he walks out of the office and says "you can reach me at the ranch this afternoon". This line is rather obviously dubbed over.

- Quick Accounting Lesson: Cliff says that the Ewing Oil dried up land has depreciated to a point where it's only worth one tenth of what it was initially. Well, technically, oil land (or mining land) does not depreciate, it DEPLETES. Usually what companies do is figure out how many barrels will be taken form the land over its useful life, and then Deplete it on a barrels per year/total barrels basis. Furthermore, land doesn't really depreciate. More often than not it appreciates. It's not like a car or a piece of farm equipment (although this doesn't apply to oil reserves).

- I just don't understand the whole dinner attire thing at Southfork. Do the boys just put the suits on after school? Do they have to wear them the rest of the night? What if they had friends over (which by the way they never do... a sheltered life)? Bummer. It is a bummer. I suppose that Southfork's physical isolation has something to do with that. In fairness, from the time they get home until dinner they can dress as they please.

- Right after Cliff left to go to Washington, Jackie gives Sly and Phyllis a look, and then walks away. This got me thinking about the secretary group dynamic at Ewing Oil. Do Sly and Phyllis not associate with Jackie? After Cliff leaves, it seems like a perfect time for the three of them to just sort of have a moment [not that kind of moment, by the way, actually...]. I wonder... Well, the four ladies are stuck together till the bitter end of the series...we'll have to watch this. And for the record, I certainly would not mind THAT kind of moment between Sly, Phyllis, and Kendall. Not too excited at the prospect of Jackie's participation, but it wouldn't be terrible.

- It seems strange that after JR has finished the whole sordid tale of Pearce's death, he feels the need to mention (seemingly for the first time) that Sue Ellen was having an affair with Pearce. Are we to believe that he DIDN'T mention this to Mr. Lombardi during the course of his testimonial? Something's just not right. Maybe he's not thinking straight...hard to say for sure. I see your point.

- It was very strange (not to mention comical) how Bobby kept letting the elevator door close a little before slamming it back (actually, it got a bit annoying after a while). I guess he has his hand on the frame, but only his fingers on the actual door. Why doesn't he just place his WHOLE hand over the door, that way it would just stay shut.

- Hmmmm. So that's how you become an expert on something, Tracey? By reading a book about it's history? Isn't there something more practical, like reading about the actual nuts and bolts of an operation. Then again, those yellowed newspaper articles sure are informative. Well, I think it's important to know SOMETHING about a company's history if you're going to be a part of running it. This certainly doesn't seem like a good way of going about it, though.

- Lame dialogue of the Day: "If only, such an empty word". Apparently Dallas' attempt at going Shakespearian. Swellen can't quite pull it off. Lady MacBeth she is not. No, she is not. Although she pulled it off better than almost any other actress on the show [past or present] that I can think of.

AHN Val's corner:

- JR and April at the Oil Baron's Club. Once again, April patronizes a restaurant other than her own. I'm not sure that we can really tote this any more because as far as I remember, April's restaurant is history.

- Theresa said that John Ross had asked her to bring him up a dinner tray. Gee whiz, it must be demeaning for the hired help to be taking orders from a CHILD. A rather rich child. I suppose it's something you get used to.

- And while were on the subject, John Ross told Christopher that his mom gave him the teddy bear when he "was a kid". Uh, news flash, John Ross: YOU'RE STILL A KID!!!!!

- Jackie CLAIMED that she handed Cliff the airline tickets. She even got snippy and argumentative when Cliff said he couldn't find them. Jackie never even HANDED him the tickets. She merely slipped then into the garment bag, which Cliff had slung over his shoulder and behind his back. There's no way he could have seen that. Cliff really ought to send that chick back to the jewelry counter where she came from. Or maybe not. As an occasional member of the jewelry buying public, I would not want to be subjected to Jackie's bad attitude. Good analysis. I have NEVER liked that woman.

- Joe Lombardi is supposedly hiding out from the mob. Yet, he's still able to retain the services of Mafia henchmen to kidnap and help him bird-dog JR. That's a mighty careless act on Joe's part. He runs the risk that those guys might turn him in to the Big Boss. I'll have to get Mike's opinion on this - he's a proud Italian from Jersey and has a pretty good feel for this stuff. I would guess that these guys are not really mob henchmen any more. Probably private security of some sort.
Mike responds: I agree with Val.  The mob wants him dead and he's out there showing his face with two hired thugs? The implication was that they were soldiers of his but it doesn't wash. He's been under the witness protection program for many years and you're not allowed (nor would you want to) keep in contact with old associates. These guys would be in someone else's Family now and would be tempted to collect the bounty on him. After all, he ratted on them. If they were two thugs he recently hired, he's making a big mistake by allowing them to hear his conversations with JR.

- Cally was getting assertiveness training from Tracey. She's getting a good teacher, that's for sure. However, I have never had the problems returning merchandise that those two seem to have. Perhaps merchants really were that uncooperative back in 1989. But that bitchy sales clerk told them of the store's "very strict" return policy. Usually that means a garment must be returned within a specified amount of time, unworn, unwashed, tags still attached, and with a receipt. The jerky clerk didn't even glance at the merchandise. So how would she know that Cally and Tracey might be violating the return policy? Instead, she was just hell-bent on being a snot. Hmmm. Perhaps she could offer Jackie a job in that store. She'd fit right in. I thought that scene was somewhat over-the-top too. Gives mall chicks and their clerk alter-egos a bad name.

- In his conversation with Sue Ellen, Joe Lombardi kept referring to JR as her "husband". Not "ex-husband"; just "husband". I believe he did this twice, and both times, Sue Ellen didn't bother to correct him. If you were in Sue Ellen's shoes, would YOU want to interrupt Mr. Lombardi, Senior? I would not.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Product placement alert!  In the first scene, not one, not two, but THREE Proctor & Gamble products sit right next to each other on the Southfork kitchen sink.   Comet cleanser, Sun Light liquid soap, and Cascade dishwasher powder. Neat catch.

- Now there's a switch!!!  Today, JR brushes past Sue Ellen's matador -- I mean -- secretary.  Ole`!!! I wonder whether Larry goosed her while he was at it.

- Wait a minute...  As I recall, the Department of Justice only let Bobby have the Ewing Oil NAME back last season.  So how is it that Cliff can get a hold of FORTY YEAR OLD EO records?  I know Cliff used to be a lawyer and all, but he WAS listed as a part-owner in EO when it went under the first time... That is an interesting point. It's possible that the land holdings are a matter of public record. I must admit that I don't quite see the point about Cliff being a part-owner during the Fall of the House.

- Not necessarily a nit, but an observation: It's amazing how much like their respective fathers the writers have made John Ross and Christopher out to be.  And Chris is supposed to be ADOPTED... Maybe Farraday was a really sensitive guy once you took away the drug habit.

- For someone who's afraid the Mob may be after him, JR sure isn't very observant.   He pulls up at the valet and doesn't even realize that a huge Lincoln had been tailing him.  How do I know?  Because the Lincoln had been mere INCHES behind JR when they pulled up.  How could he not notice that...? I have no idea. Maybe they pulled in from the other side.

- Maybe it's just me, but it seemed as if Sue Ellen could have been a little more tactful when she explained to John Ross that she wasn't going back to JR.  "The love I once had for your father is dead"? Oh great.  Now the kid has to deal with DEATH   too...? Well, if Christopher has to...

- Tracey is Westar's most promising junior executive? Either 1989 was a slow recruiting year, or Westar didn't ask for much.... McKay is more of a realist than I thought. Fact of the matter is, if you're the boss's child, you AUTOMATICALLY have the best future in a company. I've learned that this is always true, even in the largest corporations.

- Sue Ellen tells Joe Lombardi Sr. that she knew how close he and Joe Jr. were.   HOW?!?!  JoeNick never talked about his family, and only told Sue Ellen enough to keep her out of his business... Well, he did have that one gut-spilling conversation with her in which he admitted everything. Don't know if she got the impression just from that.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Is it any wonder John Ross and Christopher are so thin? Are they ever allowed to take more than two bites of breakfast before being hustled off to school or for some other lame reason? But then this is typical of the entire family. Teresa cooks, people take one bite or none and leave. I hope she's sending all these leftovers off to the DOA's homeless shelter (or did those dillitante rich do-gooders get bored and drop the project?).

- Kehli is now Ewing Oil secretary material after having passed the ultimate test: letting any idiot barge past you into your boss' office and following closely behind to say "I'm sorry, he/she just barged right past me."
She can have air time any time she wants as long as she faces the camera. Correction: as long as her chest faces the camera.

- A first: In the JR/April meal scene at the Oil Baron's Club, Debbie shows a bit of cleavage for the first time.

- In the mall scene with Cally, April is wearing the standard issue April fringed jacket. The wardrobe department must have gotten a volume discount on fringed jackets this season just like they got one on brooches last season. Good call. I kind of like April's jackets - the rest of her wardrobe is so hideous, that it makes the jackets look good.

- Cliff must have done a vulcan mind meld with JR and Bobby as he shows in Washington that he has quickly learned the Ewing way of doing business - bribery. "Our minds are one...no, wait...yeah...no...I don't know...minds...one...whatever."

- Clearly, Cliff is too diligent for Bobby's managerial style (or lack thereof). Imagine somebody who actually comes in at a reasonable hour in the morning and stays at the office all day! Bobby can't. His typical day is to herd cattle, cruise into the office mid-day for a few hours and then take off early and go back to the ranch. I agree. Cliff should run the company.

- In the scene where April goes into the Ewing office, was it the WWF or WCW title belt she was wearing? I would say one of the WCW tag team belts. Certainly WCW doesn't need it.

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Episode 295: Comings and Goings

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Mike]

> Cliff to Phyllis: "Is Bobby busy?" No explanation required.

Angelica Award: April's striped jacket during her talk with JR..

Cally's 'reckon' meter: 3.

- Sue Ellen must really be afraid to face old fears. When she comes to Southfork to see JR, she finds him to be absent. So she calls John Ross outside. Why not go inside and wait for him there? Would she feel 'trapped' inside her new home?

- Cally tells Bobby she'd like to drive into Dallas. Huh? Are you telling me that Cally has a driver's license? She's lived her whole life in Haleyville, where a girl child is only good for milkin' the cows and making young'uns some day. I can't believe that either Boaz or Japhet would have driven her to the DMV, which would have been a good two hours away or so, to get a road test.

- I was going to comment on the similarity of Lucy's request to Sue Ellen for help in finding work to her request to Pam in Season 3, but she decided to give me a hand by creating a nit. She says "Maybe I could be a model or something." Uh, Lucy, I know it's been a while, but you WERE A FREAKIN' MODEL. As difficult as it is for me to say, Lucy, you might actually be qualified.

- When John Ross falls by the pool, he appears to be dragged into the water rather than falling in.

From Tom:

- Being a career couch potato, I'm no expert on the subject. But from what is understood, people who use weight equipment as Cally did today need some experienced coaching, at least when starting out, or else they risk serious injury.  Yet there was Cally, fresh from the hills of Arkansas, all alone in the weight room, until J.R. walked in. Maybe she got some help [snicker] from Lucy. Good point, though.

- Now let me understand how Ewing Oil is now run.  J.R. is prohibited from doing ANY business concerning oil.  Yet Ewing assets consist of oil and gas properties which require J.R.'s authorization. Somehow, the logical consistancy in this just isn't registering. Yes, of course you're right. This is just a plot device, of course...but I guess Bobby, in his weird way, would rationalize this by saying that JR is allowed to deal where the LAND is involved, but not the OIL. Too muddied for my liking.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Is that not a good trade for Bobby? A partner position for about $600 million in company assets. Now I know Bobby is a man of principle, but COME ON! I think this can be summed up by using Cartman's contribution to the "Cheesy Poofs" theme. LAME.

- I think the REAL reason that prisoners don't wear shoes is that prison officials worry about people using shoelaces to hang themselves. That said, they could have some slippers of some kind... Maybe it's done differently in South America. Hard to say. Good point about the laces - but couldn't they just hand out velcro sneakers?

- Here's one right up your alley: aren't concussions (even mild ones) supposed to be kept awake for a prolonged period of time? The one time my buddy, who was the school quaterback, got knocked out in a game and I had to hang out at his place til like midnight keeping him awake. I'll have to look this up....hey! How about that! I found my Internal Medicine book, right on top of this box! How cool is that?...OK...concussions...oh, I see. Patients who may have intermediate head injury require observation to detect increasing drowsiness, respiratory dysfunction, and pupillary enlargement - all signs that there may actually be trauma to the brain. Especially the pupillary enlargement. Not necessary for minor trauma, where the patient seems better after a minute or so. If your friend was out for five minutes or so, then this makes sense. Just precautionary.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Sue Ellen's whole revamped revenge scheme seems kinda lame...  She could have gotten him killed for free yesterday but today she decides to take her ultimate revenge in another (really lame) way....  Heck we have two more weeks until the season's end. Yes we do. NOW is the time that the show gets rather boring. After Tuesday, the most exciting character will be Tommy McKay.

- Bobby's comment that Debbie should stay with Cliff until the cab arrives cracked me up...   In real life, no waiter is going to ignore customers to babysit a drunk..  heck have Dora Mae do it..  She doesn't get tips after
all. I agree. Rather weird of Bobby.

- JR seriously needs a personal trainer if he can't lift 20 lbs .  That is scary...   and did anyone notice that his knees are bare and scar free.. Wasn't he shot twice in the leg before? Once by Calhoun and once in the Dove Hunt. Interesting point. And wasn't that 60 lbs he was lifting? Usually, those machines start at 40 pounds, because the bar weighs something.

- Sue Ellen refers to Lucy as the only Ewing who felt about JR the way she did...   Umm  not quite...   Gary, Val, Pam,  Ray and Donna  (at times), Jack and Jamie (probably), and even Bobby  have despised him at time...   Bobby almost killed him last season in the pool... True, but Bobby doesn't hate his guts - just his antics. Gary and Val do not exist any more unless Lucy's around; Pam and Donna are taboo subjects; and Ray... well, he's not really a Ewing. Jack and Jamie weren't really "Dallas Ewings" either. I see what you mean though. Sue Ellen and Lucy are really the only ones who have toughed it out with him the whole time.

- Ok,  on to Cally's amatuer lifeguarding...  I realize the need for dramatic content but I have serious professional issues with what happened..  First Cally jumped off a high balcony to save John Ross..   A no no..  She should have gone down stairs..  yes it would have taken a few more seconds, but in a real life situation, she could have pulled a Kristin and banged her head on the patio and joined John Ross in a murky grave.

- Secondly, she tells Teresa that John Ross isn't breathing, yet I didn't see her even check his breath or his neck for a pulse..  (I rewinded the scene several times.) I watched it ONCE and noticed this.

- Third (and this is forgivable since she probably never took a Red Cross course) is the horrible man handling she did when she dragged him out of the pool.  In real life, a head trama patient should be very carefully lifted out with little motion to the neck.   (There is a real danger of paralysis in accidents like this.)   The way Cally pulled him out, John Ross could be in a wheel chair for the rest of his life...    Now I admit she probably wouldn't know this but I thought I would share my view on this... I know. That was downright frightening. I've heard of terrible things happening to injured people with a lot less jostling.

AHN Jake's corner:

-1. When Sue Ellen comes to see J.R., John Ross says he doesn't know where he is.   Then a car pulls up, and they both look in the direction.  "There he is," John Ross says.  Well, duh.  I think Sue Ellen knows who it is.   She's seen the car many times before. True enough.

- And why was Cally on the balcony?  I can kind of understand when J.R.'s on it, but Cally?  First of all, why would she be in J.R.'s room?  And if she was, why would she walk out onto the balcony?  Ultra-convenient. I don't think the balcony is accessed from JR's room; I always thought it was at the end of the hallway, as we saw in Ewing Inferno.

- Cliff's getting drunk was a little off key.  I mean, he's lost deals before, and hasn't got drunk.  He usually gets drunk after he loses a lot of deals or at the end of a season. And he hasn't been like this in a while. One deal?  I know it was important, but what did he really expect to happen? It's not even his company entirely. This is totally pathetic. It's only so he can show up at April's place and have her feel sorry for him.

- And that scene with Cally in the exercise room, WOW!  Of course I like Pam and April better, but Cally's been given some of the sexiest scenes on the show.  I like her more and more every episode.  She can come into my bed anytime. Agreed. Since she's the new girl on the block, she gets to titillate us for the first couple of weeks. Remember when April first showed up and her wardrobe consisted of skimpy dresses and bikinis? Then it was Laurel's turn. Now Cally.

AHN Rob's corner:

- When a young JR drops a young Sue Ellen off at the sanitarium, he doesn't shut the door to his Mercedes all the way.  I was waiting for him to drive off so I can REALLY nail him... I remember this episode. The bigger nit here is that Sue Ellen's suitcasesare left next to the car. Shouldn't the white coats take them in?

- Man!  Does Bobby really think Cally is that stupid? Dallas is "too big" for her to go into by herself, huh?  Admittedly, I've never been to Dallas myself, but my friends tell me there's really nothing to it after that eight-block radius known as the Downtown area... I'll have to ask those in the know.

- John Ross thinks Cally is a dummy for not knowing she could get a credit card.   Well he's a BIGGER dummy for not knowing it takes weeks for one to arrive in the mail.  How would CHILD know that, you ask?  A NORMAL child woudn't.  An EWING child, however, has absolutely no excuse...

- Lucy says that she ought to "read the newspaper more."  I agree.   How else would she find out what's going on in her own home...? Well, certainly not by PARTICIPATING in the family. That would be way too much to ask.

- I can't believe Cliff and Bobby were actually surprised that JR wouldn't go for that land deal unless he was a full partner in Ewing Oil.  How long did they think JR was going to willingly play the role of also-ran while they played High Rollers with HIS assets? That's an interesting spin on it.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Leftover from Wednesday: forgot to mention the scene where JR meets Ratigan in the Mexican restaurant. JR gets his dig in at McSween but clearly is not confident in Ratigan yet. Still Ratigan must be doing OK with JR because he paid for his burrito IN CASH! LOL! Excellent.

- Cally is learning fast. Any outdoor conversation at Southfork can be monitored from that balcony.

- I figured out the reason Sue Ellen's shoulder pads keep getting bigger and bigger. It's to hide the fact that her ass keeps getting wider and wider. She has put on considerable weight below the waist this season. It really showed in that slinky dress without shoulder pads that she wore to the Oil Barons' Ball. I can't really look at Sue Ellen that way any more. Not with Cally and April around.

- Speaking about hiding ugly fat, you'll note that throughout his run, the wardrobe department has a hell of a time costuming the Don Lockwood character to hide that considerable gut of his. Last night his was wearing that leather jacket but the bulge (and I don't mean that in a Big Ramboski sense) was evident. I noticed.

- Also, that appears to be a full rug that Lockwood is wearing. I never liked that character or understood his appeal to Sue Ellen, but I guess he is a step up from Carter McKay. A very small step.

- Cally may have set a Dallas record for most different hairstyles during the course of a single episode. Maybe there is a hair stylist in residence at Southfork. That would explain a lot. Perhaps he's right next to the exercise room.

- What's with those ugly green carpeted stairs on the inside of the door into McKay's house? Ther don't fit in with anything else. Did you notice the chair at the desk in McKay's den is covered with cowhide? Yuck! The only thing missing would be steer horns protruding from the back of the chair. That would be the Ray Krebbs decoration touch you're seeing. Even Jenna couldn't fix that.

---

Episode 296: Country Girl

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Jake]

>Everything Tommy said in French (Tommy's French).

Angelica Award: April's key dress. It looked like she took all the hotel room keys from her trysts with past boyfriends, and pinned them onto a dress to wear on a date with Cliff.

Cally's 'reckon' meter: 1.

The Carter McKay instant tantrum meter: 1. In Tommy's room.

- When I was rewinding my tape today, I happened to first light upon the horseback riding scene. I swear I thought I was watching a Tylenol commercial!

- Bobby: "I thought you had a backache."
- Tommy: "Pain's gone!"
- Everybody: [Laughs].

- Jackie has really improved since settling into her new job at Ewing Oil. Today, she manages to make a long-distance connection to a public servant in five seconds. Usually, it takes me two minutes to get to such a person's voice mailbox.

- Memo to Carter McKay: you're the CEO of Weststar. You've got a monstrous house. And based on your wardrobe until this episode, you don't know how to work the washer or dryer. So hire some FREAKIN' servants to help you out. That way you wouldn't have to go to Tommy's room to put away his shirts and find his little packs of cocaine...aw, forget it.

- Cliff is such a lamo. He gets hoodwinked out of his dance with the lovely Miss Stevens. So instead of confronting the perpetrator, he just goes back to his table and sits down again. While I may not have Cliff's lofty station in life, I definitely think if this happened to me, I'd go back and fight for my right to be with my blonde.

- And speaking of April: how exactly did Tommy find her place? I find it hard to believe that April gave him her address or phone number. So shouldn't April be concerned that this guy who she's met once is practically STALKING her?

From Tom:

- Let's see if I understand what the Ewings expect of their children for dinner.   They are REQUIRED to dress up in suits and ties, that is, unless one of them decides that there is someone at the table they don't want to eat with.  In that case, the 10 year old child can expect to have dinner served to him in the privacy of his room.  I don't know about anyone else, but if I had shown that type of disrespect towards an adult when I was 10, I would have had my backside spanked real good. But I am glad to see John Ross finally warm up towads Cally.
I agree with your assessment - but unfortunately, who is going to punish John Ross? Sue Ellen, perhaps, if she were around. Rich, spoiled kids get away with a lot - I guess that's why they're spoiled. And I too am glad to see John Ross warm up to Cally.

AHN Jason's corner:

- There is a pool at the McKay ranch? Since when? Maybe Jenna had it put in. [Who knows?]

- I found it hard to believe that no one else seems to knowabout John Ross's accident except for him, Cally and Theresa...  You mean NO ONE else informed JR or the rest of the family...  Especially since he had a concusion... Hard to believe that CALLY convinced Theresa to hush it up. Agreed.

- Bobby sends the boys off to get the Farlows' luggage... Seems like of dangerous to let an 8 and 10 year old alone in the airport. Yes it does. I was more concerned about whether they would be able to lift the stuff.

- Oh my god. McKay is at the Ranch and he ISN"T wearing the sweat stained shirt and leather vest...  actually looks good.. He looks all right! Go Mack!

- Old Ms. Wicket, the Midwife...   sounds like it would be a fun horror film.. They must have a lot of those in Haleyville.

- Just a note.. not being an artist, I don't have a lot of experience to judge someone else's work but Cally's painting looks very simple and plain.. like a school kids I'd say..   Not trying to be mean but it seems like Ellie is raving about it... I thought so too..seemed kind of like finger-painting compared to her previous [and later] work. Maybe it was meant to be that way?

- Lucy HELPED Cally with the clothes?  HELPED? That woman is a gem. Even when Lucy's experiment was a disaster, she's still gracious. A queen among women, I tell you.

- Don and Sue Ellen... What the heck was that last conversation about...  Zero chemistry here...  She should have rushed back to Clint Odgen or Peter Richards.. Or Jerry Kenderson? [No, not Jerry.] The chemistry is developing, as I'm sure you know. Kind of like Nicholas...I guess Linda wants him to be this distant, mysterious dude that captures her heart. I'm sure Linda had total control over this storyline.

AHN Val's corner:

- The spirit of Nicholas Pierce lives on in the form of Don Lockwood's gaudy sweater (gray-green with people's faces on it). The spirit lives, but the character is lamer.

- The DOA Meetings are CATERED!!! That can't be cheap. This is hardly a prudent move for an organization whose main purpose is to be raising money to help the poor and unfortunate. I think they should trade in the catered finger foods in for cheese, crackers and punch. The money saved can go to the widows and orphans who need it most. Excellent call! Thank you so much for that one. I should have noticed this too.

- When Bobby invites Cliff to join him at his table, Cliff brought his drink along, but he didn't bother to bring April's. He also looked like a dork sucking on that swizzle stick like a lollipop. Good ones again.

- Cally's doctor's office is in the same building as Dr. Elby's office. It even still has plants dripping out of the window boxes above. I think EVERY doctor's office is in the same building as Dr. Elby.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- It seems although Dallas has changed it's allegainces in the airline industry. Didn't it always seem to be Southwest Air? Well today it's American Airlines. I smell endorsement money.

- While the flashbacks are a transparent attempt to recapture the shows past glory, they're still awfully fun to watch (ooooo Kristin!). Man alive! Does JR sure look thin in those old episodes!! Yeah, but you know what? We've seen this one so many times. I've memorized that whole scene.

- I find it hard to believe that JR uses an electric razor. This seems more in line with a young teenager. This is actually the first time we've seen JR shave. It's kind of weird.

AHN Jake's corner:

- Sue Ellen's diary-writing was obviously just conceived for this plot. Sue Ellen doesn't (or didn't) seem like the type of womam who would reason out her problems in a diary; drinking WAS her mode of escape.  And even if she had used a diary, I doubt she would have kept them.  I would think she would want to throw away all those painful memories. The last point is debatable. The contrived nature of the diaries is not. Most nights she would have been too 'sick' to write anything. I agree.

- Cally sets up her easel near the stables, and a minute later, when we focus on her, she's already outlined the whole building!  No one can draw that much in one minute. I didn't notice that. Good one. It's possible that she had started it before and is just continuing.

- Bobby acts like a total dope during his ride with Tracy and Christopher. First, he comments on how he thought it odd that Tommy suddenly got a backache.  Then he tells Tracy he never even considered the thought that Tommy might have been lying.  Of course you did!  You implied that when you brought it up. Hmm. Iffy...maybe he just figured Tommy was using it as an excuse, which is not REALLY a lie...I don't know.

- And secondly, he acts as if Christopher's not even there.  Christopher obviously took a liking to Tommy, yet Bobby degrades Tommy right in front of him, and carries on a personal conversation with Tracy. This would not be the first time the kids are ignored. Won't be the last either.

- When Carter is putting away Tommy's new shirts, he very conveniently pushes aside some other of Tommy's clothes to find the drugs.  He wasn't looking for anything, so why move them over?  Makes no sense. I agree. Why would Carter be doing this anyway? Can't he afford servants?

- I don't know much about drugs (since I've never done them and never will), but it looks to me like Tommy is about to snuff it or do whatever with it right near the bed.  At least go in the bathoom and wait a few seconds after your dad leaves. Ah, but then we couldn't see him do it, right? I suppose we could if there was a camera in the bathroom. That is kind of weird.

- Carter comments on how music changes every few years.  But the music they were playing at the club was not modern.  It sounded like jazz or classical to me, something they had a long time before 1989. Maybe it's just a general comment, but I suppose you're right.

- Sue Ellen and Carter seemed to hit it off rather quickly.  Are they dating, or what?  Very odd, and very fast. This does not last long, fortunately, because I want to puke whenever I see them together. It is very bizarre.

- When did Cally go to the doctor?  Who's doctor?  She doesn't have one? Did she just look one up?  And I'm not a woman, so I have no idea how this goes, but can a woman just FEEL she's pregnant?  Seems odd to me. Aha! The lots of questions routine! :) Okay. Here goes: A little while ago, probably nobody's, no, quite likely, absolutely not [but I wouldn't swear to it]. I refuse to comment further on the grounds that it may spoil future plotlines. More to come tomorrow. Be patient.

AHN Mike's corner:

-The old JR does surface every now and then in lines like the following to April, whose conscience is showing: "Well, I thought you were a businesswoman, not a bleeding heart socialworker." Yup. Makes you really miss the old days.

- Where did Callie get the notion that dinners at Southfork were "fun"? John Ross must have been busting a gut inside when she told him he was missing all the "fun" at dinner. I have no idea where she got this idea.

- Where does a yokel from Halleyville who is a career waitress learn how to paint in oils and sketch in charcoal - the Halleyville Academy of the Arts?

- I think there must be a leather fetish in the McKay family. Carter is addicted to his leather vest, Tommy to his leather jacket and Tracy to her leather skirts. and probably none of these items has ever seen the inside
of a dry cleaning establishment.

- Speaking of leather jackets - since Tommy and Lockwood are both rarely seen without their leather jackets but aren't seen together in the same scene wearing them, are they the same jacket? Quite possibly.

- Tommy is very much like his father. He rarely takes the leather jacket off and has limited other wardrobe. The black sportcoat was worn both to the disco and the wedding and he had the same grey shirt both times. The grey shirt also appeared under the leather jacket at April's apartment the day after the disco scene. And what lame music at that disco! Most people would fall asleep, not dance to that easy listening melange.

- Miss Ellie's sack dress stood out like a sore thumb at that DOA meeting. All these old, rich biddies are dressed to the nines in fashionable, shapely duds.

- In this episode Callie is once again visiting the in-residence Southfork hair stylist as her hair changes several times from scene to scene.

- Tommy needs to polish his pick-up lines. I've never claimed to understand what makes men attractive to women, but I'm pretty sure there aren't a lot of women out there longing to meet a guy who will confide in them five minutes after he meets them that he's been in   a South American prison.

- This whole Bob and Carol, Ted and Alice plotline where everybody is dating everybody else in the Ewing, McKay, Barnes family is really lame! But necessary.

---

Episode 297: Wedding Bell Blues

Bonehead Dialogue Award: none.

Angelica Award: Cally is a lovely bride but the dress has no bottom!!  It looked like she was wearing shorts..  Nominated by Jason.

Cally's 'reckon' meter: 1.

- I found one of Miss Ellie's statements to be a little bit odd today. After Cally worries what her life with JR will be like, Ellie says that she will "help" her deal with her new husband. I see. Just like she "helped" Sue Ellen deal with JR. Nice job you did, too, Ellie. Most of the time you just stood around while she drank herself to pieces.

Elad Benari asks: Maybe it's just me but the 11 o'clock broadcast of Dallas didn't have previews to today's episode yesterday or a recap of yesterday's episode today. Yet, they had previews for tomorrow's episode today. I know why. Episode 296 and 297 were originally part of a two-hour episode. So the action is supposed to be continuous - i.e., if you watched the episode in 1989, there would only be a commercial break between the scene where JR gives Cally her ring and then she wakes up to see her wedding dress. The action is supposed to be continuous.

AHN Jason's corner:

- They sure got the wedding organized fast...When did they send out invites? I have no idea. Absolutely none.

- The balloon Cally holds says JR (heart) Cally... shouldn't it be JR (heart) 's Cally.. Well...it works either way. When Connie Hall decorated Ray's door, didn't she just put a heart with no "'s"?

- JR sure didn't make much of an effort to prevent Sue Ellen from seeing Cally..  I wouldn't want my ex-wife to talk to my futurewife....   somehow, I think she just may poison her mind.. You think? :)

- Real great hiding place for JR's papers....  you'd think he would at least put them in his room.. Very convenient.

- Oh my god,  Lucy and Cliff actually talk... But Lucy talks to him like he's just some guy. She doesn't even refer to him by name?

- Did anyone else notice that Sly apparently doesn't have a date? Must have read the script and realized that she needed to be alone so Tommy could make the moves on her.. Quite obviously.

- The Ewings eat breakfast in the kitchen today.. not the dining room..strange.. and where are the kids anyways? Both are outstanding questions.

- Just a note.. April's hair is curly when wet.. I would have assumed it would have been straight.. Maybe she uses some special shampoo or something. Who knows?

- The reverend sure looks familiar ..  Has he been on Dallas before? I'm sure he has, as some nondescript judge or lawyer or something. I'll check.

- I found it funny that Sue Ellen remembers a scene (JR and Afton) that she did not appear in. I couldn't be sure in the flashback but didn't Ray fall in the pool too? It looks like it was edited... Sue Ellen repressed the memory. I suspect that the reason this was cut out is because a certain former cast member who shall remain nameless [Vicki]
was in that shot, screaming at Cliff.

- Hey Jackie, Sly and Phyllis are there but no Kendall...   and are you telling me that they are the only three single women there... No. April is there. Lucy. Tracey. Sue Ellen. I could go on. And yeah, where is Kendall? They're running out of blondes for Tommy to ogle.

- Notice that Main cast and major guest stars head inside in the storm but secretaries and extras make it off in the other direction..come on....  I think it would have been fun for a secretary slumber party in one the Ewing rooms.. OH HELL YEAH! I would definitely have loved to see a Sly/Phyllis scene in place of the Lucy/Tracey scene.

- Yet again it is obvious that JR has no scars on his legs or back even though he has been shot several times in both..

- I found it strange that Cliff and Don didn't take off their shirts or pants to sleep in..   Dress clothes are not very comfortable to take a snooze in.. No, but what's the alternative?

- I found it kinda funny that Cally thanks Sue Ellen for the Champange and balloon..  Gee she is stuck in the Ewing house, decorated for the party by Eiwng paid help, catered by Ewing Bartenders on Ewing payroll.So all Sue Ellen did was pick up a balloon and put a bottle in a bucket... gee thanks... Foreshadowing the later revelation, I guess. Or maybe Cally is just being overly kind in her way.

- Ok  the bedroom numbers..tonight we had

1. Clayton and Ellie
2. JR and Cally in JR's Room
3. Sue Ellen in her old room (Cally's)
4. Bobby, Chris and John Ross in Bobby's room
5. April in John Ross's room
6. Tracey and Lucy in Lucy's room
7. Carter in a room
8. Tommy in a room (maybe Christopher's)
Ok we know that Don and Cliff were downstairs because there were no more bedrooms   so unless the secretaries DID have their slumber party in a couple of the other rooms, we are missing some....  At one point pre-dream there were 9 or 10 rooms.... Ah yes, I was hoping we'd get to this. Now, first of all, I'm debating whether Carter McKay used a room or whether everyone wakes up the next morning to find him lying on the kitchen floor amid cake crumbs and other assorted half-eaten items. It has been established that there must be at least 10 bedrooms in the place. Or did they convert one or two of them into the new den that everyone's talking about?

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Ohhhh, budget cuts! That skyline looked awfully fake during the early episode scenes. Yikes!

- Sue Ellen's "every blood stained nook and cranny" was a bit (alright, quite a bit) excessive. Let's not go too crazy with the bedroom as a battlefield metaphor. He never assaulted you (physically). This was far too hyperbolic for my liking. It was rather over-the-top.

- Mannnnnn! If I hear one more movie-based comment from Sue Ellen, I am just going to lose it! "IT's like a Hitchcock movie", "it would make Speilb--" SHUT UP ALREADY! Agreed.

- Actually Bob, that is "how it works" (w/r/t JR's selling of the land). It's his property (since you wouldn't make him a full partner), he can do whatever the heck he wants to with it.

- Oh, it was good to see the pool fight again. Fun stuff. Brings a tear to my eye. It's almost like a Jock flashback. [Sniff, sniff.] Seems like only yesterday we heard "I AM TAKAPA!"

- Sue Ellen is freaking crazy! Now she camps out outside JR's room. Creeeepy. But funny as hell.

AHN Val's corner:

- Cally's wedding dress was all hung up and ready to be worn. When did JR propose? One, maybe two weeks ago, Dallas time. (Lets say two. We'll be generous here and account for a possible network preemption). It takes much longer than two weeks for a dressmaker to fit, alter and customize as wedding dress. This is especially true if they wanted it done right, as I'm sure the Ewings did. I hardly believe Miss Ellie would let Cally opt for a dress right off the rack. It certainly seems like things were very rushed. Analise noticed that Cally seems to be seeing the dress for the first time, so it's unlikely she got fitted for it or it wouldn't be such a surprise.

- "JR and Cally" personalized balloons. VERY cheesey, cheap, and TACKY; hardly Ewing style. But neat for Sue Ellen to pop.

- Sue Ellen didn't like Don's choice of restaurant. This may be my middle-class suburban lifestyle talking, but I fail to see what was wrong with it. It was clean, modestly decorated; probably had decent food. In fact, it looked less like a restaurant and more like the continental breakfast room at a moderate-priced hotel. Agreed..but it did seem very out of place. I mean, they had a gaudy exit sign over the door.

- In the scene where Cliff climbed under the table to retrieve April's shoe, it was plain to see that that table came from a K-Mart-type store. It was one of those plywood deals with three dowels for legs. This type of furniture is hardly fitting for someone as wealthy as April. I didn't notice. Never bought furniture.

- This was the fakest Southfork set ever. Obviously, the pool was different. There were also very fake ficus trees in front of the oh, too obvious storm cloud painted screen. Also, in the scene where JR and Cally were dancing, Sue Elllen looked to be as tall as the garage door in front of which she was standing. It has been my experience that most residential garage doors are approximately eight feet tall.

- Sue Ellen may have asked to sleep in her old room, but Miss Ellie was sure crazy to give it to her. Bad call, letting the ex-wife take the room across the hall from the groom and his new bride. They should have put her in another wing of the house. And I know there is one. Lucy established that fact right after the Southfork fire. Yes, I quite remember. As a matter of fact, the bedroom situation bears a lot of scrutiny here.

- The whole sexual flirtation scene between April and Tommy. It took place in a CHILD'S BEDROOM. Gee whiz, do these people have no shame???? This is not only tacky, it's immoral. In fact, it might even be downright illegal. I don't think it's illegal to talk dirty or even have sex in a child's bedroom. Kinky and distrubing, yes, but not illegal.

- Tommy McKay without a shirt on. WOW!!! That guy is giving Dack Rambo a run for his money. Now if he'd only get a haircut....ummmmmm hmmmmmm. Oh no. The Ramboski must seriously be spinning in his grave. [Rest in peace, Dack. I, for one, miss you.] Well, I guess this provides for more spite opportunities against April.

AHN Analise's corner:

- That ceiling shot of Cally & JR could not have been staged in their bedroom because the ceiling was not that high.  Puhleez, we know this.

-Why is JR shying away from carrying Cally?  She is very thin.  C'mon JR, be a man! Well, the other day he had trouble lifting sixty pounds in the exercise room. That said, he has little trouble lifting his sweet child bride, who I figure for about a hundred or so.

- Did you see Cliff keep the quarter he found under April's sofa?  You little dwarfy jerk! Unbelievable.

- Wow!  Cally first sees her wedding dress on her wedding day!  No need for alterations.  JR must have tailors who are spies.

- Where did April get the bathrobe?  Does she always bring one to weddings? Hmm. Could be someone else's...Too big to be Lucy's, though. Perhaps one of Sue Ellen's old ones?

- Now the McKays live next door.  They could have gone home. Ah, they could...but then we couldn't have been titillated by Lucy's shoulder strap falling off, and then the scenes with Tommy.

- Did you see the wedding cake when McKay asked for a slice?  It was barely touched. Don't worry. I'll bet Carter took care of that real quick.

- Also, who has ever heard of a bride's or groom's side of the wedding cake. Maybe Bobby means the side on which the "groom" figure stands or the "bride" figure. I doubt they separated the cake to this extent.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Of course we all know the real reason for this, but I  would imagine even Cally would know better than  to invite the estranged ex-wife of the groom to her wedding...

- ...And speaking of which, JR mentions that he "personally tore up" Sue Ellen's invitation.  You mean he allowed there to BE one to tear up...? I guess Miss Ellie got the invitations made.

- ...And by the way... Has anyone ever seen another wedding where EVERYONE goes to such great lengths to bash the groom?  Kind of what O. J. Simpson would have to look forward to should he ever swap vows again... I think you're right. Interesting comparison.

- John Ross tells his dad that he had the wedding rings in his shirt pocket.  But at the wedding, the first place he looked for them was his COAT pocket. No wonder the poor lad couldn't find the ring. Could this be BILC drama at work?  Hmmm.... I think so. Maybe he was just nervous.

- O.K., it had been established through most of the episode that inclement weather was on the way, right?  So why hadn't it occured to the Ewings to move the wedding indoors BEFORE the rain came? BILC. Why didn't we see Sly all wet?

- Bobby offers Carter McKay (another questionable invitee, by the way...) some of the last of the wedding cake.  Hey Bob, that's supposed to be set aside for the bride and groom!  I know it's possible that their tier has already been set aside, but then that would make Bobby's statement inaccurate... I guess Bobby correctly figures that JR and Cally aren't hungry for food.

- I just thought of something: Even though JR was in on Cally's "I'm pregnant" yarn back in Haleyville, he STILL managed to fall for it again in Dallas.  Strange...

- Not really a nit, but just a statement of fact: When JR offers to help Cally out of that "tight little wedding dress," then pinches his new bride on the ass, I just couldn't help but to bring out the pennants and yell "GOOD MAN, JR!!!"  Of course my wife didn't like that much... You know, that's something that bugs me. What's not to like about being playful? I never saw the harm in it. If men didn't show interest, we'd be insensitive clods who don't deserve sex, right? I know I'm opening myself up for criticism here, but I've got to be honest and come right out with it.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Lucy is getting porky again and that red dress didn't help. Made her ass look enormous and gave her a gut. Also in two other scenes she had bulky thighs. And what was up with her behavior thoughout this episode? She seemed either ditzier than usual, drunk or sharing cocaine with Tommy. How about that braless nightie scene where she stood in front of the camera and did all that gratuitous stretching? If I were inclined to think that Lucy was attractive, I would have been impressed. The fact that Charlene allowed a nipple to protrude was interesting.

- April has cleavage!!!! She must have been wearing a world class push-up bra from Fredrick's of Hollywod under that dress she wore to the wedding! Something like that. I was wondering too.

- Phyllis and Sly had new hairdo's for the wedding. And while Sly didn't have a date, Jackie did. In two seperate scenes there seems to be a goofy looking young guy with her. Actually, she's lucky she got to go to the wedding at all. I'm amazed Cliff didn't rip into her for not trying to find him when the senator was waiting and it was apparent he had forgotten about the meeting. Perhaps it happened off screen.

- Others mentioned that horrible painted backdrop of storm clouds in the distance, but how about those hokey lightning effects? I think this was to be understood.

- How come April's nightie fits so well on top? If it was borrowed from Lucy, there should have been enough extra room in the top part to stash the wedding cake! And with all those people at the wedding and all those stranded at Southfork, are we to believe at Midnight when Bobby hands the cake over to McKay that only one piece has been eaten? Good point about April. As far as the cake goes, I'm sure that by 12:03 that sucker was gone.

- When Tommy gets out of bed to confront April after she rejects him, it appears that she is shocked at the state of the Big Tommboski being at full attention. That seems a bit risque for TV in the early 80's. Wouldn't YOU be shocked? I would.

- Since when is JR's bed in the middle of the room? But that's where we see he and Callie after the wedding night activities. By the way, that was a great line by Sue Ellen about JR being "quicker" than usual. Yes it was.

- What I want to know is why Callie thinks she's going to be able to make the wedding night "a night to remember" for JR. The man has been in bed with more beautiful women than anybody east of Warren Beatty. Yet, she's only been to bed once with him and was a virgin before that. Has she been reading books? Seems like she'd have an awful lot to learn before being so boastful. I suppose so.

---

Episode 298: The Way We Were

Bonehead Dialogue Award:

Angelica Award: A tie between Don's tight jeans and Tracy's inappropriate red leather skirt.

- Jackie and Phyllis must both be eating their Wheaties. Two episodes ago, Jackie managed to place a call to Austin in five seconds. Today, Phyllis does to same with Tracey Lawton. Amazing.

- Just a note for all you Star Trek fans: does anyone recognize Tommy's drug dealing friend? Well, if you don't, try this: make his hair black, give him an evil beard and focus on the beady eyes...that's right! It's Gowron, the leader of the Klingon High Council. Speaking of which...The Casa Espana, where JR and April are eating, seems like a fairly nice establishment. So nice that I question whether they would ever seat people as grubbily dressed as Tommy and Gowron.

- Memo to Don Lockwood: I know you're a hot-shot movie writer and I'm sure you're really good at what you do. But you really could use some help with naming your characters. You want to name JR "HL"? Or "LV?" And you want to change Afton to "Avon?" Kind of makes the change of Kristin to "Chrissy" sound palatable.

From Bruce Sinclair:

- Cally wants to know if JR would like breakfast in bed? You kidding!! Several courses to be sure.... Love how she starts wearing him out all the time; finally met your match, JR? I would say so.

- April was looking highly edible tonight. Love that purple dress. I'm always impressed by the ex-models on the show; if April and Sue Ellen walk into a room they outclass all the others. It's the walk and carriage. Must be the runway training... Yeah...never noticed that before, but you're right.

- Tracey Guess Jeans Meter: 10 (again) Damn TNN for that stupid logo; hid the best parts... That's always true. I hate those logos.

- Oh, this is great: JR tells Bobby he needs a little pick me up and pours a drink. (I'd have needed a nap after the morning in bed with Cally!) Anyway, he pours three fingers of Crown Royal!! That's a Canadian whiskey, not a bourbon!! What's up with that? Is JR letting us all down? We've never seen this sort of thing before. Of course, after Cally he might not be thinking straight... Not being a drinker, I didn't notice.

- Don wants to know why Sue Ellen wants this personal information about him. Hello, she invited you into her bed last night. pal. You find it suprising that she may want to know something about you? I have no idea why Linda Gray seems to be preoccupied with booking herself into storylines with mysterious men. First Nicholas and now Don. Doesn't make sense. What's she thinking?

- Tommy is wearing a Fred Perry golf shirt when he's talking with McKay! How out of character is that? Very.

- The closing scene with SE and Don was really very touching, I thought. The acting was excellent for both of them. Sue Ellen on a bed in an empty movie studio. Hummm...

AHN Jason's corner:

- Didn't anyone else find it stupid for Tommy to expect his family to believe all of his personal belongs consist of statues...  I mean this is all the 'friend' kept?   What about his clothes and things? This was really weird...don't know what to make of it.

- Not being a drug dealer, I had a hard time understanding why Tommy needs to supply both $ and drugs to get in the action..  Usually (I gather from TV) it is one of the other... Well, he needs money to buy the drugs. He's not SUPPLYING the money. What Gowron is asking him is if he has the money to buy the stuff on a consistent basis. Otherwise he as the dealer will be left out in the cold.

- Oh, my god.. Theresa made small talk...  walking out of the one-dimension exisitance she has been in for the last 10 years. Kinda spooky. I forget whether this lasts.

- Surprised Sue Ellen has not mentioned Mandy to Don since she has mentioned JR's other long term lovers...  Serena and Kristin...  I mean he only bonked Afton once and Holly a couple of times...  but Mandy was around for a long time.... I have no idea from a series standpoint. From a real world standpoint, the obvious intention of the movie storyline is twofold: first, it provides a way for Linda Gray to leave the show. Second, it provides flashbacks to the "good old days" when Dallas was king. During the "Mandy" times, they were lean years.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Serena is a major part of JR's life story? Ummmm.... OK. First of all, I'm not really sure how much knowledge Swellen has on Serena, but it's probably not much. Secondly, the reason that Swellen doesn't know much is that there ISN'T much to know. Who else is being cast as a leading lady? Teresa?? Strange. It is.

- Why would Bobby talk to JR about a deal they're making? JR IS NOT in the oil business. Just shaking my head.

- Maybe living with Mack is not QUITE as bad as...ahem... prison, Tommy. I can think of one major problem with prison life... Yeah. No blondes.

- Gee April, why in the world would Tommy expect to score so easily with you? oh wait: precedent.

- Tommy delivers the Austin Powers line of the day with: "It's not my bag, baby!". Nice. The psycho who shagged nobody? Kinda catchy.

- Even if Mack really wanted to believe Tommy, it wouldn't be TOO hard to deduce that this pottery selling thing was merely a front for getting money. $200,000 for start up costs? OK. Let's say he buys them for 15 bucks and then sells them for $65. 50 bucks profit which means it'll take 4,000 units to break even (not including delivery charges). That's a lot of crates, man. This is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

- Big payday for Teresa! That whole scene with the boys had a TV commercial feel to it. Yes it did. I almost thought that John Ross's milk mustache was paid for.

- Wow, Sue Ellen! Lockwood is the "most frustrating man in the world"? Maybe the movie should be about HIM instead of JR.

- The Holly Harwood incident is not discussed in Swellen's diary? Whatever. What a shameless attempt to milk one more flashback scene. Downright pathetic. I agree. I noticed this too. How could she NOT have written about this? "Dear diary. Today I got drunk. Don't know why. Could have had something to do with that Holly thing, but I'm not going to write any details."

- How can they say that Driscoll ran into the car? Swellen turned right into him! Maybe he was trying to kill who he thought was JR, but that doesn't change the fact that Swellen turned left into traffic. Looking back at this, you are absolutely right.

AHN Val's corner:

- The post-wedding clean-up crew looked like they were wearing HAZ-MAT gear. Lighten up, guys!!! You're only sweeping up flower petals, fishing table cloths out of the bushes, and scraping cake frosting off the patio furniture. Hardly dangerous work. Perhaps the tornado watch is still on.

- It must really suck to have Miss Ellie as a grandmother. She was all too eager to get John Ross and Christopher out of the house so the adults can sit down to breakfast. In fact, I think she ordered Theresa to time the preparations so breakfast would be ready only after the boys left. I only hope those two have a kind, benevolent teacher who keeps granola bars in her desk drawer for them. I've been saying this for a long time. No wonder no one visits Ellie.

- Bruce Harvey is getting a lot more slimey...Sunglasses perched on his head...And those big, clunky rings...That guy wears more rings than most women! He didn't have far to go.

- April thinks of herself as "the new girl in town". Puhleeze. She talks like she just blew in on the previous day's twister. She's not all that new; not compared to Cally, anyway. I think she means the new girl on the oil scene. You know, "Cally Oil" has a nice ring to it.

- Somebody had better clean the outside of the windows in Lockwood's office. They look like they're covered in pigeon poop. In fact, they could probably get the Southfork wedding party clean-up crew to tackle the job. Let's put those uniforms to good use, gentlemen.

- The restaurant at which JR and April ate lunch was called 'Casa Espana'. The decor of that restaurant was anything but Spanish. It was too fancy. Commonly, Spanish decor is more laid back and relaxed. I thought there was something seriously wrong about it.

- Tommy and Tracey whined that it's "sooooo unfair" that Tommy can't get an import license because of his criminal record as a drug smuggler. Sounds fair to me!!!!! I agree. Lame.

AHN Rob's corner:

- When Tommy dropped that clay sculpture on the floor, we see it break into at least three pieces.  But  Tracy only retrieves two of them.  The rest -- I  assume -- were still on the floor at scene's end... I think so too.

- Apparently, milk prices had skyrocketed in the  spring of ‘89.  In one scene, McKay "enjoys" a bowl  of cereal in some thick goey substance that couldn't possibly be milk.  Note that we never see him actually eat any.  Two scenes later, John Ross and Christopher accompany their cookies with the same substance.   John Ross sports a milk mustache, yet we never see him drink.  Christopher pretends to drink, but it's obvious the "milk" didn't get near his lips.   Not necessarily strange, but  interesting... It is interesting. I don't know what to make of it. Maybe it's "Malk", like in that Simpsons episode.

---

Episode 299: The Serpent's Tooth

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Jason]

> Bobby: I got a distinct chilly feeling (when I talked to you last time).
> Tracey: Was I cold?

Angelica Award: Cally's pink polka dot surplice top. Nominated by Val.

- Memo to Bobby: next time you have a business meeting with Cliff, or anyone else, CLOSE your office DOOR. Sheesh.

- And another memo to Bob: next time you call a woman, have something to say! That was so ridiculously lame... "Hi April. I was thinking about you, so I decided to call...yeah, every time I have hot sex with Tracey I think about you. In fact, I'm going over to see her right now. Well, bye."

- The European dudes talk about their billion-barrel deal, over ten years, as being the "biggest in Texas history". I think it's time for a little history lesson.
Back in 1983, when JR was selling oil to Cuba, he managed to secretly ship out 1 million barrels in one shot [see Episode 123]. That was one day. Obviously this was a very big deal for Ewing Oil, but certainly it sounded to me like it was the kind of thing JR could pull off every once in a while if he wanted too.
Now, Weststar is MUCH bigger than Ewing Oil, as we discussed last season. It seems to me like Weststar could probably sell 1 million barrels a week, easily, if they wanted too. That means that they sell 50 million barrels a year ANYWAY. In order to satisfy the Europeans, all that Weststar would have to do is double their production. I understand that they probably sell most of the 50 million they produce anyway, but you see the point. While it may be the single biggest deal in Texas history, it doesn't really seem like THAT much of an accomplishment.

- I found it somewhat amusing that Ratagan has a handicapped parking plate on his dashboard. Reminds me of JR's comment about a cop not being any good if he can't break the law.

From Dan Johnson: Looks like Don Lockwood is PC-illiterate...he's typing his first draft of the screenplay on a TYPEWRITER when there is a computer sitting on the other side of his desk.

From Bruce Sinclair:When Cally gets up from the table after eating, John Ross is looking straight ahead but when they switched shots a half second later and she's standing behind his chair he's looking to his left. I might, however know why this shot was spliced: When Cally is standing up she missed John Ross' cheek by about one inch with her magnificent chest. He was probably looking that way in the first cut and was in complete shock! I know if a Cally had almost touched me with those when I was his age I wouldn't have been able to even take a breath for about 2 minutes!! Not your fault, John Ross...

From Nancy: I could swear that when Tracy entered that pooltable scene with Bobby, the bottom of her dress was black. When they left, the whole dress was blue. Is this correct, or was I imagining it? Actually, I think that the black color comes from the hem of her boa.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Ahhhh, nothing more refreshing than a Lucy-free episode. Notice that there is no mention of WHY she's not there. No subtle "Lucy's gone away for a week" from Ellie. She's just... gone. Sweet. Kick ass, dude.

- MOVIE ANALOGY ALERT! MOVIE ANALOGY ALERT! Lockwood with the whole "our relationship is only in the first act". Sheesh. You could almost make a Movie Analogy Award for the remainder of the season (along with the gaudy Lockwood sweater award). I'll think about the sweater award. If I remember correctly he dumps them altogether very soon.

- When Cally and John Ross are going to do batting practice, why wouldn't Christopher be the fielder? This makes no sense. Or are they going to play Raoul and Teresa in the outfield? Put Teresa in right. She must have a gun for an arm.

- A noticeable increase in Dallas product placement. Today, Tommy's Harley Davidson logo is clearly visible during his scene with O'Reilly. Didn't notice, but I'm certain you're right about the product placement.

- It's too bad Cally doesn't like Christopher. It must be because he's adopted... LOL!

- Is it me or was that whole "first break" in the pool thing a big sexual innuendo? It was. And quite disturbing. Sounds like something petulant teenagers would say.

- Carter and Tommy where the same size suit??? Maybe if Tommy stuffs all his coke down the shirt. That's absolutely preposterous. Agreed.

- What a lame hissy fit by Lockwood. It was just so pathetic. Not to mention uncalled for... Weak. I can only think of one way to exposit upon just how lame this really was: Ian McShane, I can say without a shadow of a doubt that even VICTORIA PRINCIPAL can throw better hissy fits than you. As a matter of fact, even GEORGE KENNEDY has had better moments.

- The new McSween (Ratagan?) seems like a pretty decent replacement (although I doubt Sly will call him Uncle Ratty...) I doubt that too. Ratagan is okay, but there was just something about McSween...something really cool...can't put my finger on it.

AHN Jason's corner:

- There is a continuity cut when Sue Ellen is talking to Don in her first scene.. Her left hand is on his shoulder then the camera turns to him as he says  "Sue Ellen, we just met.." and her hand is gone.

- Ellie claims that she didn't want Clayton to just hang around the house after he sold his businesses...  yet I can only remember her saying just the opposite... She always seemed to want him around... Yes! Something bothered me about that too, but Ellie seems to flip-flip on this every week. Actually, wait..wasn't it Clayton's idea to sit around and be a bum? Until the lovely Laurel convinced him not to. But then she left and he changed his mind again.

- I don't know which of April's birthday parties were lamer..  the one where she talked to herself or the one with that REALLY tacky one man band and Bobby and Cliff doing some sort of dance....  I felt uncomfortable even watching this....  At least when she was alone, she had some sort of dignity... HEY! I liked the one-man band! That came right out of the blue! The dancing was rather disturbing, especially Cliff's. I liked this part because it signalled the turning of the tide for Tracey [how's that for alliteration] and the beginning of April and Bobby's road to romance.

AHN Val's corner:

- It seems so out of character for Cally to be so insensitive toward Christopher. She and John Ross were going on at breakfast about how they were gonna spend the day practicing for Little League. I know she wants to concentrate on getting in good with John Ross, but Cally really should have sensed Christopher's pain, and invited him to join them. As Kyle points out, it's because Christopher's adopted.

- Also at breakfast, Cally mentioned that that had "little black things" (caviar) for their wedding morning breakfast. If they had caviar for breakfast, then the rest of the meal must have also been pretty fancy. The family also ate in the kitchen that morning. Personally, if I were to be eating a gourmet breakfast that included caviar, I think I'd be eating in the formal dining room instead of the kitchen.

- Miss Ellie spoke very fondly of the charm bracelet that Jordan Lee gave her. She also spoke of additional charms given to her by Seth Stone, Andy Bradley, and Jock. Jock I can understand, but how did those other oil men know about Miss Ellie's charm bracelet? Also, it seems strange that those men would celebrate their career feats my buying bracelet charms for MISS ELLIE!!!! Hopefully, they also celebrated those occasions by buying nice gifts for their own wives. Somehow I doubt that Seth Stone's wife appreciates any gift that doesn't fit in one of her body orifices. As for Ellie...well, I guess she got around back then. Wonder why Digger didn't give her one.

- April had only 9 candles on her birthday cake. Well, she certainly does act her age.... Oh, Val. Now that's just mean! :)

- Carter answered his house phone "McKay" instead of just "hello". I could understand him answering the phone this way at the office, but not at home. Maybe it's a special business line or something. It is weird, though.

- Instead of typing paper, Don Lockwood uses 3-hole notebook paper in his typewriter. Also, why is he even using a typewriter? There's a computer in plain sight on his desk. I'll bet you anything he can't even turn it on.

AHN Rob's corner:

- We know Tommy McKay's mic was clear as a bell in that board room; but it couldn't have been so clear that JR could hear the conversation through the mic, a cell phone, AND his office phone!  Even the Ewings didn't have technology that advanced in the year of our Lord 1989. What is this? Mission Impossible? I hadn't thought of that. Good points.

- O.K., Bobby essentially doesn't want JR working at Ewing Oil because of his underhanded schemes. So how does JR think he's going to convince Bobby to let him back in?  By using an UNDERHANDED SCHEME!  I declare, that boy hasn't thought straight since Sue Ellen pumped those slugs in him... Well now that you mention it - I'd say you're half right. This isn't exactly underhanded. The way through which JR got wind of the deal is underhanded, but the deal itself is fairly straightforward.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Why is Sue Ellen wearing a ring on her wedding/engagement ring finger? Because she's married in real life and forgot to take it off.

- Mark my words, yesterday Callie says she wants to learn about the oil business, in a week she'll be CEO of a major oil company. That's all the time it takes in Dallas even if you never made it past eighth grade at the Haleyville public school. I like the sound of "Cally Oil"...it sure would pleasure me to see such a company be established. Would take some gumption, I reckon.

- Even though she only appeared briefly yesterday, Sly was yummy looking. Face-flattering hair style. Figure flattering dress. Sly is always yummy.

- Jordan Lee keeps coming up with these double-entendre's. Yesterday it was the "ugly end". Today he gives Miss Ellie an ocean liner charm for herbracelet.  A hint to take a cruise or a portent that like the Titanic, Dallas will be sinking fast over the next few seasons? Probably.

- Bad editing by TNN or plot gap? Tommy is left by his partner at the airport in what appears to be a compromising situation for him with the South American drug dealers. His far more experienced partner fears for his own life in this situation and flees. The next thing we see is a cheerful Tommy back at home trying to figure out how to get more money. Perhaps the South Americans were unable to get their chain saws through airport customs? Was than an airport or a hotel or something? Couldn't tell. It was sort of neat how Gowron tanked on him.

---

Episode 300: Three Hundred

Bonehead Dialogue Award: none.

Angelica Award: April's leopard jacket again.

- JR claims that there was never a time when he and Bobby were equal partners in running the company. Uh, that's not exactly true. After the battle for Ewing Oil ended, up till the time that Ewing Oil was dissolved [except, of course, for that Barnes woman's dream], Bobby and JR were equal partners in almost every sense that mattered.

- It's been well established that April lives in a high-rise building, right? So why the heck does she have an "8" on her door? Shouldn't it be 908 or 1008 or penthouse 8?

- It's possible that this was done deliberately to illustrate how drunk JR was supposed to be, but he misquotes Jock, who said "keep your FRIENDS close and your ENEMIES closer." JR said it the other way around.

- JR claims that the Weststar deal is for five years. During the meetings, it was clearly indicated that a ten year commitment was desired.

From Elad Benari:

- Did anyone else notice that every time we saw J.R. and Bobby in the elevator, there were more I-owe-you's on the wall? I don't know if they did that on purpose but I thought it was ridiculous. Bobby WAS going a little overboard with that. It was designed to be funny. I'd say it worked on an immature level.

- I thought Bobby gave in to J.R. rather easily. That was very uncharacteristic of him. Very. But the whole point of this scene, in my mind, was to illustrate that sibling rivalry, as far as the Ewings go, never changes. Bobby and JR have always fought over toys...it's just that now the toys are more expensive.

- Another Bobby problem: He said that Tracey is going to have to deal with the fact that he's going against Weststar. I thought Bobby really liked Tracey. He's certainly shrugging her off easily. All of a sudden he really doesn't give a damn about her. Ah! You noticed. Tracey is slowly on her way out.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Have JR and Phyllis EVER spoken before today's episode? I really don't think they have... Once in a while they do. He asks her if Bobby's in or something like that. Little more than small talk. Also, they talked a few times between the time Bobby died and Pam moved in to Ewing Oil.

- Any idea who was waiting for the elevator as JR got off it today? The guy in the carolina blue jacket. He sure didn't look like someone affiliated with the oil business. No he didn't! Very bizarre.

- Why would Sly leave if she knew that she was waiting for a call back from Geology? This makes no sense. Oh yes it does! How else could Phyllis have found out? Wink, wink.

- Product Placement of the Day: April and Tommy flashing the Coke trademark at the arcade. Don't forget the Sunlight dishwashing liquid in the kitchen during Cally's scene.

- Any reason why Ray wouldn't send the wine to Southfork?? Classic plot contrivance (but a good one). YES! Excellent! Especially since he probably doesn't know Ewing Oil's NEW ADDRESS. What a great case of classic plot trickery!

- Is it me, or does it never occur to JR and Bobby that the reason the elevator shut down was BECAUSE it was going to after 5? JR says that and then they sort of shrug it off, as if to say "what are the odds, the power going off TWICE!!" Hard to tell.

- I couldn't believe how funny it was when, after Bobby denies him the wine, JR gets all bitter and says "well this is the kind of thing I don't forget" and then crosses his arms. Not sure if it was there for laughs, but it struck me as exceedingly humourous. I think...no, I KNOW that the whole reason for this scene was to juxtapose the images of "adult" brothers fighting over Ewing Oil with "child" brothers fighting over toys. Just to show you that the more things change, the more they stay the same. Bobby realizes that he and JR will always be fighting over toys...just more expensive ones as their lives continue.

- I know they were drunk, but after the second commercial break, the camera zooms out from the elevator, for IOU's can be seen on the wall: two for wine bottles ($2500 and $1500) and two for corkscrews (both $1000). The thing is, JR already has a bottle when Bob puts up that first CS IOU. That means (gasp!) that JR has rented 3 corksrews for the price of one! Never drink and deal, I guess... No, he's rented the corkscrew three times, at a $ 1000 a pop - right? He rented it; then gave it back; then bought another bottle and had to rent it again...and so on. I think so.

- Is Patrick Duffy wearing a medic alert bracelet? Either that or an ID bracelet (not likely). I noticed too! Definitely medic alert.

- Come on, Bob. Who doesn't have more moves than the Mavs? [and I checked BTW, they sucked in 1988-89 too, 38-44, missing the playoffs]. Yes, but in 1989 they signed a whole bunch of free agents and things were really looking up. They had a lot of injuries so it didn't really help, but Dallas was talking conference finals that year.

- Shouldn't the message service answer "Ewing Oil Answering Service" to avoid any confusion? Or is this too logical?? Definitely too logical. But in the real world, it happens this way. Doctors offices do this all the time. You call, you talk, and then they tell you its an answering service and make you feel like an idiot for giving a total stranger all that information.

- I really don't see Bobby using the word "avarice". Why not just money-hungry? It seemed a little strange.

AHN Jason's corner:

- I found the whole premise of Sly, Jackie and Phyllis going home after lunch strange...   I mean it helps the plot to have them out of the office.. but it appears that the power was cut off much later in the afternoon than the time they left for lunch (and the day)...  I also found it stupid for Sly and Phyllis to know each other's password....  I mean who are they trying to keep secrets from if not each other's boss...  Kendall? Jackie... like Jackie would know how to use a computer... True enough. Unfortunately, this happens more often than you think. Secretaries often share passwords because they do each other's work once in a while. I suppose at Ewing Oil this would be rare, though.

- I also noticed the JR and Bobby did not even close or lock the doors to their offices when they left for the day...  They even stated later on that there would be no one (security or otherwise) in the building..  very unwise move...  and what it the point of an emergency phone if no one is there to answer it...  I know the show was facing tough budget cuts.. but Ewing Oil should be able to afford an extra as a guard now and then... Yes. I hadn't considered the emergency phone not working. Those things should work even if there's an earthquake, right?

- For a rich girl, April has a really poorly constructed door...  looked like formica quality "wood"

- Would it really only take 7 digits to call Dallas from Braddock?  I dunno b/c i am not from this part of the world.. An excellent question.

- Why does JR shout in the elevator if he knows no one is there? Hoping against hope. Same reason he kept trying to start the car during his escape from Haleyville even though he knew it was out of gas.

- The whole concept of "dying of thirst" and quenching it with wine is ludicrious....   Alcohol robs your body of water... it would be the worst thing you could do... True enough.

- This may be a real world nit.. but why doesn't someone invent a ladder or something to climb up to the roof of elevator compartments?  I mean I always seem to see a character 'trapped in an elevator' who climbs out to the top..  If the top is able to be opened, why don't they have ladder to get up there..  so if you needed to you could... An interesting thought. Now that you mention it, while I was downtown today, I happened to be in an elevator with a service guy...if I see him again, I'll ask him.

AHN Val's corner:

-As the IOU's ran down the elevator wall, the amounts seemed to get higher. This tells me that Bobby raised the price on each successive bottle of wine that JR "bought" from him. However. the drunker JR got, the better his signature seemed to get. Really? I sort of thought it was the other way around.

-Amazing, Bobby and JR--drinking all that wine--manage to carry on an intelligent conversation. They seem only mildly drunk and quite lucid. Also, neither of them had to throw up, or pass out. I am certain, however, that they had to relieve themselves. The bladder can only hold so much. So I wonder if....or how.... On second thought, I don't think I want to know. In the empty wine bottles. Satisfied?

-When Tommy forced himself on April, she screamed...quite loudly, I might add. Then after April locked herself in the apartment, Tommy kicked the door down and did some yelling. Again, quite loudly. So I wonder: Where on earth were the neighbors? I would have thought someone would have called the police, or at least emerged from an ajoining apartment and complain about the noise. Well, it's April's building, right? Tough call.

-The next morning, when the elevator resumed operation, Bobby left the elevator without first retrieving his IOU's from the wall. I could understand him leaving the crate and empty wine bottles for the janitors to clean up. But he also left his coat and briefcase behind. Those things could get stolen. Mainly, though, he should have collected his IOUs. JR owed him a good chunk of change: $6,500+ by my count. Although, these are all moot points since the elevator door read the script and stayed open and waiting at the Ewing Oil offices. Yes, I noticed this too.

AHN Mike's corner:

- I see Sue Ellen is wearing men's ties again, April's leopard skin jacket is back along with Tommy' grey dress shirt. And wasn't that a really unflattering nightgown on Callie? It looked like a maternity night gown and made her look huge. There's just more of her to love.

- I'd love to get a job like Sly's. She tells Phyllis she's going to "grab lunch and then head on home" Yeah, and I was at my client's place until 9:30. Die, secretaries, die!

- If somebody ratted out a fellow Mafia member like Phyllis did to Sly, Phyllis would end up dead in a dumpster with a dead rat sticking out of her mouth. Seems like a very unfriendly thing to do...you're right.

- I guess everything IS big in Texas, especially the bladders of the Ewing brothers. Imagine drinking a case of wine and not having to pee in the elevator at least once.

- Can't April find one date who isn't interested in having her invest in his company? She must have "sucker" tattoed in day-glo letter across her forehead. She's got something tattooed somewhere, that's for sure.

---

Episode 301: April Showers

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [nominated by Jake]

>April: "Tommy did it."
>Bobby: "Tommy McKay?"
>NO, Bobby, Tommy Farlow.

Angelica Award: Tracey's silver dress. Nominated by Jason

Cally's 'reckon' meter: 1.

- It's funny how sometimes you see a nit and then rethink it, and then it turns into a different nit. I was going to question why Tommy answers his home phone by saying "Tommy McKay", but then I figured he might be using his home phone number as a front for his "business". But then I thought about it again...is this the same business through which the bad dudes from South America are trying to hunt him down? Perhaps, Tommy, you might not want to tell everybody who calls exactly who you are.

- So, Sue Ellen...got a hankering for California, huh? Interesting. Especially since, a few weeks ago, you told Bruce Harvey that you did NOT want to get a studio in Hollywood because you didn't want to be away from John Ross. Has something changed? Is he no longer as important?

- And, of course, Tommy's sudden urge to pull a Kristin and fly away is documented below.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- The fact that they're already casting big name stars (I think Jack Nicholson's name was bandied about) without a script is borderline ridiculous. Is there even a treatment for them to read? I don't think so. Given that NOBODY is to read the script before Don is finished, I'd say that's a pretty good bet. Side note: can you imagine Nicholson saying "Is that a fact?"

- What ARE those reports that Bobby, JR, and Cliff keep looking at? It obviously relates to the Westar-Europe thing but where in the world did they get it? Did Tommy stuff it up his ten-sizes-too-big suit? That is an interesting possibility. Hadn't thought of that...

- Do hotel gift shops usually sell porn? I don't think so. Usually not cheap porn. Playboy and Penthouse and what not, they definitely have, but certainly not anything like "Boudoir".

- This whole pornographic slant as of late (alright, mostly today) is somewhat creepy. Why do JR and Ratagan always meet at the strip club? Why is Tommy reading porn in a gift shop? Why does JR pick it up afterwards?
Finally, why does Ratagan go back to the strip club to PHONE JR? Very strange. The last one is totally ridiculous. Unless there was a cut and he met someone there without our knowing.

- Why, why, why does Ewing Oil have to buy up other companies in secrecy? I think JR just LIKES to do this. "OK, we'll go out for lunch, but let's set up a DUMMY RESTAURANT to fool everyone else... and then we'll just eat at the strip club". I don't think that they have to be so hush hush about acquiring other companies. This IS Texas. There might be tax reasons for this...but obviously, the way they're talking, they're more concerned about keeping it a secret from their business rivals. I don't get it. The only thing that makes sense to me is that if word gets around that Ewing Oil is buying up all sorts of companies, it might invite curiosity, and someone might find out that Ewing Oil was after the deal.

- Although Bobby eventually did lay the smack down, Tommy got in entirely too many shots. Weak... Yeah, well..they had to make it interesting. If Tommy didn't put up some offense, it would have been totally weak. This way, it's just a little weak. I just wish Bobby had given him a Stone Cold Stunner. That would have been cool.

AHN Jason's corner:

- The strip club patrons seem to be a bit more enthused than the other day.  Some are actually acknowloging the dancers.. And some women [not the employed ones] are walking around like it's a park. What gives?

- Did anyone catch the in joke of Cally's painting?  She is painting a picture of the back drop of Southfork, which is a painting itself.. LOL! Good one.

- Judging by the designs of her new outfits, I would have to say that Cally's fashion expert is none other than Angelica Nero..  Now wouldn't that be a fun plot twist..   We can even call her Brenda Goldberg from Queens....
I told you, man! I told you! Seriously! Wait a minute, though...it was Jake who didn't believe that she was Brenda Goldberg, not you.

- I found it out of character for the angry and desperate Tommy to answer his father's phone and offer to take a message...  I mean he didn't KNOW that the caller would have useful info when he picked the phone up... Very true.

- Tommy's girlie mag looks very well thumbed. Yes, it does. Spooky. It looks very unappetizing.

- JR seems to look at this same magazine upside down..I guess it depends on the centerfold layout. Guess so.

- I found it strange that Cally, who is taking charm lessons, would not say please when she asks for champagne from the waitress. Well, she's not taking lessons, is she? I thought she just spoke to a charm school director. Or maybe she's only on Lesson 1. Please and thank you is probably Lesson 3.

- Why didn't April try to run when Tommy was going berserk in her house?  I know why she COULDN'T escape (b/c of the plot and the sympathy we are supposed to have for her) but they should have tried to have her run and Tommy grab her.. I think this was for Val's benefit, so she could diabolically laugh at April's stupidity here. Serves her right for dumping the Ramboski.

- Boy, April should buy new doors by the bulk,  That is two broken-in doors in two days. I can just imagine what her superintendent is thinking. "Boy, you own the building and you think you can bash in doors whenever you feel like it. Rich folks."

- Did Tommy jump off her balcony?   I think it would have been better and more realistic if he "barged right past" Bobby....  Also Bobby seemed to take his time getting to the McKay house..  April told him who it was during what looked to be night time, yet he comes by the McKays' in the mid morning.... Yes, Tommy jumped off of her HIGH-RISE balcony. And I guess Bobby was just waiting in order to channel the power of Hulkamania.

- Tracey talks to Tommy about considering going to Vienna with them...  She even impplied that they got a passport for him. Would the government really issue one to a recently paroled ex-con?   After all they wouldn't give him an import license.....

AHN Jake's corner:

- Why did J.R. pay to use the strip club's house phone?  He gave the woman behind the bar some bills?  Wouldn't it be cheaper -- and more private -- to use the payphone? I suppose you're right. JR obviously appreciates hard-working women though [snicker].

- Sue Ellen presses her intercom and says, "Bruce, come in here."  Was Bruce just waiting around outside?  I doubt that.  He's a producer.  It seems to me when he arrived, he would come straight into the room.  And if Sue Ellen wanted her secretary to tell her when he was here, why didn't she tell me? And Sue Ellen didn't talk to her secretary, but to Bruce.  Odd. Maybe she now has a direct line to Bruce. Don't know.

- They made it seem like Bobby telling Cliff J.R. was once again a full partner was a such a big deal!  I know it is a big deal but they made it seem like it was the end of the world.  They made Cliff seem more intimidating than J.R. That's just how I read the scene. Cliff yells, "You did what?"  Even though he yells, how come we didn't hear Bobby?  He's in the office to.  Well, in actually, Patrick Duffy really didn't say anything. And why did it happen so quick?  It seemed like right after Bobby walked in, Cliff was yelling.  Wouldn't you think Bobby would tell Cliff about the Weststar thing before telling him about J.R.? What a wishy washy guy he is.

- How could Tommy be looking at that nude magazine?  The last time I went into a store, they had Playboy all wrapped up in plastic. Wouldn't Tommy have to tear off the plastic? Jason noticed that it looked VERY well thumbed. Odd.

- The guy from Vienna says he's Scandanavian.  Is Austrian the same thing as Scandanavian?  I don't think so.  So wouldn't he be Austrian?  Why wouldn't they just make him Austrian?  I just found it weird. Well, HE's not Austrian. His bosses are Austrian. The real reason is so Cally can sound funny when she says the word "Scandinavian".

- That Scandanavian guy gave too much information away?  Why would he say all that?   He doesn't seem the type.  I just thought he gave too much away at first.   A little convenient. More than a little.

- How did Tommy get out of April's apartment?  Through a fire escape? Would she have one?  Just because she can a balcony?  From the outside shot of the building, I don't see any fire escape.

AHN Mike's corner:

-My theory about the strip club meetings is it's a ratings ploy plain and simple to keep male viewers coming back as the quality of episodes and the ratings were slipping. It would work for me if I were five years younger.

- Once again, Tommy's grey dress shirt is back.

- Nice continuity touch: April's espresso machine is in her apartment and she makes a cup. Fortunately, the one-man band has apparently moved on to other venues. Hey! I like the one-man band.

- In what may be a first for this bourbon and branch man, JR was drinking a glass of beer at the bar when Callie was dazzling the Austrian/Scandanavian (surely this is an oxymoron). During this conversation, Callie shows absolutely no improvement from her language lessons. I think that's deliberate. Hellstrom is Scandinavian and his BOSSES are Austrian.

- Re: April's apartment: First, her building must hire it's security people from the same firm that supplies Ewing oil. Tommy keeps getting past them and barging right in. Surely, by now, April should have told them not to let him up. You'd think she would have learned after the mob guys made her a few visits and Tommy kicked down the door. Or she would have hired some security. She's more of a Ewing than she thinks.

- Speaking of Tommy, he's a rocker. Did you noticed the zebra-striped electric guitar in the corner of his room. I guess the Dallas writers figured drug use/dealing and electric guitars go together.

- We can all be grateful that despite being on location in Malibu the Dallas writers saw the wisdom in not putting Ian McShane in a Ramboski-like Speedo. Thank you, writers! Thank you!

---

Episode 302: And Away We Go

Bonehead Dialogue Award:

>April: "Can we put my past relationship behind us?"
>Bobby: "Are you referring to your and J.R.'s relationship?"
NO, Bobby, she's referring to her relationship with Jack.

Angelica Award: Gustav Hellstrom with the totally ridiculous-looking ten-gallon hat. His head is totally wrong for it.

The Carter McKay instant tantrum meter: 1. In the scene with Tracey.

- Someone needs to tell me what the point of the opening scene was. Why would Jordan Lee come all the way to Ewing Oil, make small talk with Cliff and then with JR, and THEN say that he decided to sell out to Weststar? He could have just told Cliff...or better yet, he could have just called.

- The ridiculousness of Sue Ellen calling Southfork cannot be overemphasized. She called the ranch to talk to Lucy? Frankly, if I was looking for Lucy, Southfork would be the LAST place I would call.

- Hey, wait, there's EVEN MORE lameness here. The casting of Mitch Cooper requires Lucy's expert opinion? What in tarnation does MITCH have to do with a movie about JR's life with Sue Ellen? JR and Mitch spoke twice, maybe? How ridiculous. I daresay that the Dallas producers spent less time and effort casting Mitch that Don and Sue Ellen seem to have done.

- And finally, I'm curious as to why Lucy allows herself to be introduced as a "Cooper" rather than a Ewing. The only reason I can think of is so that she's not immediately associated as one of Sue Ellen's family members...but is it really that big a deal?

- I never really got the chance to say too many nice things about Afton, so I'll take this opportunity. Her song today at the club was actually halfway decent.

- And I would be totally remiss if I didn't comment about Bobby's conversation with April. He says that the real reason he didn't start a relationship with her last season was because he wasn't able to make an emotional commitment to ANYONE. Oh, so Kay Lloyd isn't someone? Or was that just sex?

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Did you notice that the Hollywood, CA sign at the bottom of the screen today? I think the letters of HOLLYWOOD were done in the same style as the big sign in the hills. Cool (and strange). Yes, I did notice that. Don't know why.

- I loved how Sue Ellen invited Lucy to CA and she just said I'll be there and hung up. Geez Lucy, where in California (OK, probably Hollywood) but where is Sue Ellen and company? This was just silly. Good one. It would have been great if she went to San Francisco or something and got lost...or how about Knots Landing?

- The whole JR-setup thing was just soooo phony (with a capital P). It was cool when he did this to Driscoll's wife wayyyy back when, but now it's just lame. It was sooooo fake. The guy didn't even hit his head! And if he did, it was only after he hit his back on the stage. Very weak. Yeah, but old Gus seemed to buy it. What a LAMO. And even Cally fell for it.

- Water does NOT equal Perrier. Yet that's what April serves Bob when he asks for some. I know that DALLAS is very uppity, but sometimes you just want water. It would have been odd if she went to the kitchen tap. I don't know...

- I found it odd that the first thing that came to April's mind when Bobby said Europe (and he DIDN'T say where, I don't think, in Europe), the first thing she could come up with was a German babe. Now, I'm part German, but the frauleins aren't exactly the cream of the European crop. What about a Scandavian lass? Although April does mention a French woman later. He didn't say where in Europe. Interesting side note: contrary to popular belief, Scandinavian women on average have SMALLER chests than other European women.

- Cliff's changed a lot, but I DON'T think he's changed that much. Blowing off a huge deal to hang with Afton? Basically letting JR re-assert himself as a force. This seems slightly inconsistent with his character. Frankly (like you said) he's just dull these days). Ah, but there is a VERY important reason why the bookers made him do this. You'll see tomorrow.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Cliffy claimed that "there was no other woman"  when Afton left him... actually there were two before she left.. Marilee and Mandy, who spent the night with Cliff when Bobby was shot Well, he didn't really have a RELATIONSHIP will Marilee, and he didn't even know about Mandy at the time...but I see your point.

- Tracey looked like Jackie in her good-bye scene with Bobby. A little bit. But the lips give it away.

- I think it would have been humorous to see Sue Ellen played by her secretary Kelly..    Call me crazy but I could almost see a family-like resemblance.... You're crazy. :)

- Where is Kelly anyways?  I am surprised Linda Gray did not have her written in to help with the movie sub-plot... Tough call...I would imagine that Kelly decided to pursue other activities [like start a family or something].

AHN Jake's corner:

- Why did they label Audrey Landers at the beginning of the episode?  I know it was probably in her contract, but it would have surprised us more.  I guess they figure people just don't care anymore. It has nothing to do with how we feel or whether it's a surprise. Say it with me: CONTRACT. If Audrey's contract says that Larry Hagman has to dance an Irish jig in the background of her scenes, then Larry had better buy a leprechaun suit.

- Sue Ellen calls up Southfork.  Lucy asks "how's casting?"  How would Lucy even know they were casting?  I doubt Sue Ellen talks to her on a regular basis, if at all.  How would she know? She read the script.

- Why hasn't April pressed charges yet?  Someone said something about quieting down the police, but how could they do that?  If April wants charges pressed, they should be pressed?  Who's not gonna believe her in court?  I doubt that the police would just go away. McKay must have some friends on the force.

- J.R. dances?  We've seen him dance before, okay, but not this type of dancing.   I haven't anyway. This is new. Good to see, though.

- How long has that food been sitting in April's apartment?  Did Bobby order it, put it there, and then go pick up his little doll?  It would be cold and disgusting! Maybe it's Vichysoisse or something that's supposed to be eaten cold.

- I admit, that scene where Sue Ellen thinks Don is cheating on her is pretty lame.   How could Sue Ellen not know?  I mean, why would he have a mistress in L.A?   For when he comes down there?  Sue Ellen would have to be pretty stupid.   It was funny, though.

- And it was very convenient that Don didn't say "Thank you" after the Sue Ellen actress's reading? Normally, that's what would have been said.  But then Sue Ellen would know it was a reading...and that couldn't happen. I thought he did say something very quietly...not too sure.

- Wouldn't the people in that bar be wondering why they weren't cleared out of the building after someone died?  They should have been moved out right away.  They just went on like everything was normal.  I would think something was up. Obviously it was. I think that Cally was on Candid Camera or something.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Why is it so hard for me to believe that Bobby cleaned up April's house and cooked lunch also?  Does  Bobby even KNOW HOW to do these things...? Well, maybe the Bob-man likes April a little more than he's willing to admit.

- Afton is told she's the best act the night club has had in years.  They apparently don't ask for much. What did she do?  Play a record and mouth the words?  You could almost hear the scratches in the record as she was "singing"... Are you sure about that? Audrey Landers is a pretty good singer in real life.

- Bobby seemed awfully crushed when Tracy told him she was leaving Dallas to find Tommy.   Earlier in the episode, he sounded as if he not only EXPECTED the end, but didn't care one way or the other. He should make up his mind... Good call. I don't care one way or the other and neither should he.

- What?  No big-name actors to play Mitch or Sue Ellen...?  Must have been some budget cuts... Funny how art imitates itself.

- April only figures out that Bobby tore Tommy apart only after Bobby said that he "talked to him."  Well gee, April... Shouldn't the shiner have given it away? Just like Pam, April ain't too great on the uptake sometimes.

- ...And speaking of which, Bobby's black eye miraculously heals by the next scene, while April gets to sport the "Bozo the Clown" look for the entire episode.   Strange...

- Did anyone notice that Charlie Sheen as Rick Vaughn impression Afton gave for Cliff near the end of the episode?  Hilarious!  The only thing missing was an updated version of "Wild Thing" playing in the background... You'll have to forgive me...I don't remember the details of "Major League". Been a while.

---

Episode 303: Yellow Brick Road

Angelica Award:   Chick's black/white checked used car salesman sportcoat appears to match Bunny's frumpy midwestern housewife stretch slacks.

- Carter McKay, as usual, seems kind of lame in this episode. He tells the Harvards that he wants to determine "what the Ewings are up to". Carter, what COULD they be up to, other than your European deal? Unless you really believe this crap about the honeymooning.

- When Cliff asks the young lady what her name is, she responds with her full name, including the middle one. Is this normal? Normally, when you ask a child his or her name, you get a very quiet response consisting only of the first name.

- Let's take a closer look at the deal with Pamela Rebecca here. Obviously Cliff is under the impression that he is the girl's father. Let's go with this assumption for a moment, without confirming or denying it. Afton Cooper left Dallas at the beginning of the 84-85 season, right after Bobby was shot. It's now the end of the 1988/89 season. So let's say, for sake of argument, that Afton left in April of 1984. Let's also say that she was about two months pregnant or so, because she wasn't really showing...that would mean the Pammy was conceived around February of 1984. So she was born around the end of 1984. That would mean that she just turned four years old a few months ago. Does this girl look like a four-year old to you? I would say that she's at least five or six.

AHN Jason's corner:

- It seemed to me that the stewardesses seem to get off the flight and leave the terminal before the passengers...  seems unlikely in real life..
- How did the German guy know what JR and Bobby looked like when he met them at the airport? He must have read the script.

- I got a kick out of Ellie worrying that Clayton isn't around much..  'So unlike him"...   Sure...  the longest running Lucy Award winner is so seldom AWOL... I've said before that I pity the poor writer who gets stuck doing Clayton storylines.

- I found it rather dangerous for JR to let his naive young bride to go off with two strangers.. I also found it stupid for him to give her all that cash right in front of them.. I mean they could have been kidnappers..

- Cally says that Chick had her purse for "a little while". Actually he only had it for maybe three or four seconds..

- HMM   Bobby gets an invite marked with an A...  gee wonder who that could have been from..   pAm,  kAy, tAmmy, trAcey, jennA,...  no wait... April.  yeah that's it.. Well, it could have been Afton or Angelica. [Just kidding, of course]

AHN Kyle's corner:

- I thought that today's episode was rather well edited, they did a good job of jumping from Austria back to Texas. The Austrian scenery was really cool. I just really like the whole castle aspect of it. When we went to England, I just had a blast...

AHN Rob's corner:

- When the Ewings landed in Vienna, Cally marvels at how the Europeans were dressed.   There was one problem: They were dressed like ordinary Americans!  I would have loved for a total stranger to stop by and say "why yes, Cally!  We actually HAVE fashion sense...!" I thought there was something weird about this comment.

- The "What the Hell Was That?!?!" Files reopened: Teresa is in the kitchen cooking breakfast when John Ross and Christopher comes out of nowhere and dig their grubby little hands into a serving platter.  And NO ONE SAID ANYTHING!!!  Man, if I EVER did that when I was their age, my mom would not hesitate to check me into l' Hotel de
Smackdowne` And a lame-assed excuse (like John Ross' "I'm starving") would only have doubled my misery. I guess Theresa is just happy to get some screen time.

- Dumb Question #28: When JR gives Cally money for shopping, he says its a "few shilling."  Meanwhile, the couple's eyes widen as if he'd dropped a billion-dollar check on her.  Maybe I'm wrong, but isn't the value of a shilling less than a U.S. dollar? I believe you're right. This was a bit weird.

- That whole purse-snatching bit was so lame, and sooo fake!  You mean to tell me that on a crowded street, NO ONE stepped in to try to help catch that crook?  That doesn't even happen in Manhattan... I suppose it's possible that few people on the street understood English so perhaps didn't realize what was going on.

- Dumb Question #'s 29 & 30: How the hell did April know where to find Bobby?  I really don't remember him telling her despite several opportunities.  And how did McKay know where the Ewings were for that matter...? They may have checked with the airlines to see what flight the Ewings had taken. Borderline stalking on April's part.

- Oooh look!  April's bruises have miraculously healed, also!  Hasn't it only been a day or two since she last spoke to Bobby through that Raging Bull mask?   ("...you didn't get me down, Ray...!"  O.K., I'll stop with the movie references.  Sue Ellen and Lockwood must be rubbing off on me...) I understand. And this was very fast. Must have been a really nice makeup job.

- By the way... Was Clayton EVER taken to the hospital?  The man DOES have a slight concussion and memory loss, doesn't he?  I guess Dallas Memorial Hospital has finally called in the Ewing tab... It would appear so. Hadn't thought of that. Of course, the real world reason is to conserve money and avoid having to use another set.

- Dumb Question #31: Exactly what time of day was it when Bobby told JR about April?   For some reason, I got the impression that it was morning, but Bobby is drinking wine at that point.  I don't think that's done even in France is it?  It could have been lunch time, but then I would have trouble believing there are casinos (like the one McKay was spying from) open at that hour... Europe's a pretty wild place - some of this kind of stuff is non-stop. Don't know for sure.

- O.K., the Ewings don't really want McKay to know what they're doing in Europe.  So when McKay asks, JR tells him he and Cally are honeymooning. Not bad, JR; nor is it that inaccurate.  But then Bobby says he's keeping them company.  Nice cover, Bob... Very nice. If April hadn't been there it would have been totally stupid.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Since when does Cliff play the piano? Ever since Afton would be impressed.

- When was the last time Dallas went on location overseas? Seems like it was when Pam and Sue Ellen went to Hong Kong. I think that sounds right.

- Did you notice all that food Teresa cooked for breakfast when they only people at home were Miss Ellie and the two boys who never eat their breakfasts in the first place? She could have fed an army! Maybe she realized the parents weren't around to shoo the kids away to school.

- Was that another new sheriff for Braddock county? Seems like since Barry Corbin left they get a different one every year. Same for Ewing family doctors. I didn't recognize the one who ministered to Clayton. Apparently this was the same Sheriff with a beard, according to the closing credits. The doctor was definitely different.

- And speaking of Clayton, the amnesia angle is so lame it's worthy of WCW. I know they were paying Keel and BBG and they had to do something with them, but is this the best they could come up with? Yeesh. At least give him amnesia and have him think he's Wes Parmalee or Jock.

- I just noticed that Don is wearing a pinky ring. Since pinky rings are de riguer for mafia types, perhaps Sue Ellen sees a bit of Nick in Don. Possible. I don't know what else she sees in him.

- Once again Ellie refers to Dusty as Clayton's "son". Perhaps refering to him as "stepson" brings back painful memories of that ride in his sister's (and Dusty's mother's) car trunk. Yeah. This is forgivable.

- How did April get those two huge furcoats over to Europe? It would have taken up an entire suitcase for each. Were they two different coats? Maybe she bought them in Austria.

- Looks like Larry Hagman is wearing a rug in the European scenes.

- The Austrian casino has wrap around scenic picture windows. In the U.S. casinos are designed so you can't see outside. They want you focused on gambling and shrink wrapped into that world with no distractions. Interesting point.

- OK, Bobby is in "Europe". He's got some extra time on his hands with nothing to do but babysit JR and Callie. He doesn't know yet that April is on her way. Shouldn't he be thinking about going to see his son Lucas and his brother Ray (not to mention Jenna), whom he hasn't seen in a long time? I guess not, since the producers don't want to pay Kanaly and Presley. Truer words were never spoken...especially that last sentence.

---

Episode 304: The Sound of Money

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Analise]

>Afton:  "An engagement ring?"
No Afton, it's a gee i like your hair, ring.

Angelica Award: Bunny's day-glow green ensemble. Pointed out by Val.

I'll leave it to the AHNs today, since my nits come out in the commentary.

From Bill M:

- I noticed a strange nit at the beginning of this episode. Usually, I just fast-forward through the opening credits et. al.,but yesterday I didn't and I noticed that in the "Also Starring" credits "McShane" was spelled "M-C-S-A-H-N-E".  I guess the show's budget didn't allow for proofreaders.   If you still have it on tape, take a look if you have a chance and tell me that I'm not going crazy. Dan Johnson confirms this is the case.

From Elad Benari:

-What is up with Don's leather jacket? He wears it all the time. Even indoors when they were filming the movie, he was still wearing that blasted jacket! If he's trying to look cool, it's NOT working. Heartily agreed. I guess it's like a security blanket for him or something.

- Sue Ellen mentions Bobby, Ray and Clayton in her conversation with Don, saying that they know J.R., but she neglects to mention Lucy! Lucy also knows J.R. very well, and I was under the impression that she thought Lucy very important to the production. After all, Sue Ellen did invite Lucy to assist in casting. Odd that she wouldn't mention her at this point. Actually it's not...because if she did, the producers would have to PAY Charlene to appear.

- Maybe it's just me, but after Bobby and Cliff talked on the phone and Bobby put the phone down, it looked like he didn't put the phone down properly. Maybe from where I was sitting it looked like it, but one end of the receiver seemed to have not been properly put down. It didn't look very secure, but it was probably okay.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- "Von Trapp shut"??? Sigh... Let's not go there.

- Don't the boys usually call Clayton, Clayton? I don't really remember them saying Grandpa (seems to me JR would flip if he heard John Ross say this). Maybe a little plot contrivance here? This happened ONCE before. Only once, in Episode 266.

- Isn't it customary for people to hit their glasses against the other person's in a toast? I found it odd that Cliff and Afton didn't. So did I.

- Mannnn, what is up with the Halleyville (Honky Tonk) music? It's still following the Ewings around. It is grossly out of place in the Austrian setting. It's Cally's theme. Somebody must really like that guitar. That's okay because I LIKE Cally.

- Everybody does this but.... "Tomorrow morning, 9 AM sharp" is awfully redundant. Why not just "tomorrow morning at nine"? Because then it wouldn't sound "European".

AHN Val's corner:

- When Bobby was on the phone with Cliff, April knocked and asked if he was "decent". Obviously, April thought Bobby was in some state of undress. Yet, he appeared to be in an office somewhere. So, why would Bobby be changing clothes there? It's supposed to be his hotel room, I think. But it definitely looks like an office.

- Pamela Rebecca referred to her nanny as "Nanny". Not Mrs. Smith, Jones, or Johnson; not even a first name. And how is it that Afton can afford a nanny? She's a lounge singer!!! Hardly big dollar stuff. Yeah, she did inherit a nice chunk of change from Cliff's mom, but if memory serves, she spent most of that wad on a house for her mother, and cars for the entire family. I suppose she could have gotten a hefty settlement from her husband of a few months...... I don't remember how Afton's settlement shook out. Since, as you would concur, she's smarter than April, I would imagine she did pretty well. And she's definitely as skanky as April when she wants to be.

- Another point: Afton is a lounge singer that works at night. This means that her days are more or less free. So, why is Pamela Rebecca being entertained by her nanny? Afton should be the one spending quality time with that child! Hey...yeah! What is she doing? Wait...isn't is possible that she headed to Nashville or some other place to sing? Yeah, maybe...but then again, wasn't she only in Dallas for a few weeks? Doesn't make sense.

AHN Rob's corner:

- In the first scene with Bobby and April, yet another movie cross reference.  This time it's ‘The Sound of Music.'  Ugh!

- I guess Cliff borrowed JR's secretary while he was gone... No, I think it's still Jackie. Whoever it was allowed Afton to waltz into his office.

- I see McKay doesn't do his homework.  Why would the Ewings want to sell the same company they spent the past year trying to get back?  Dumb...

- Of course we know the real reason for this, but if it's cold enough to wear trench coats and furs, why the HELL would the Ewings even WANT to eat outside? I would be too busy shivering to enjoy my meal... I don't understand that either.

- And another thing... How did Brundin even know where to find the Ewings in the first place?  It appeared to me as if he showed up unannounced... This is somewhat strange. I think in the end it makes sense somehow.

- Gee... Do you think all the english the woman at the equestrian exhibit knew was "can't buy them?"  She answered JR directly when he asked if the horses were for sale, but then needed an interpreter when Bobby asked to ride one of the horses himself.  Weird... Yeah...I thought there was something funny about that.

- Does Sue Ellen REALLY think Miss Ellie would sell out her son just to get this precious film made?  If JR was the only one getting embarrassed, maybe; but wouldn't the ENTIRE Ewing name be tarnished by this?  Hell, it's not even THAT good of a film... Well, that goes without saying, of course. This is iffy.

- WAIT A MINUTE!!!  If McKay had a reputation for ruthlessness that stretched out to Europe (as a TROUBLESHOOTER for Westar, no less...), then why hadn't Bobby and JR ever heard of him before the Southfork Range War? Ah, retrograde analysis! Excellent! This is my favorite kind of nit...the changed premise. History is rewritten to suit the current need.

- If Pamela Rebecca's nanny was under strict orders not to let Cliff near her, why the hell did she roll that ball directly to him?  He wasn't but ten feet away, and she HAD to notice him... I noticed that. She's pathetic.

AHN Analise's corner:

- Now I may not know Texas, but I certainly know Salzburg, where my family is originally from.  There are so many nits, I am going nuts! Wow! Now this is a treat. We've got a ringer!

- Where did April and Bobby get those horses?  There are no stables where you can rent horses and ride out in the wild blue yonder.  I know the area!  It bugs me! I'm sure that the horses were imported.

- How did Bobby bring his stetson to Europe.  He didn't wear it on the plane and it certainly would have gotten smooshed in a suitcase.  Did he happen to bring a hat box?

- And where did Bobby get that fur-lined cowboy jacket? Don't think they make them in Dallas due to the heat.  Did he actually go shopping?

- Why wasn't Afton announced?  Oh yeah, inept help. Pay Jackie? Nuh-uh, say the producers.

- Hello April, weinerschnitzel is not pronounced weenersnitzal.  UGH!!! It's pronounced (veenershnitzel).  Sorry, it bugged me. Hey, that's what this is all about. If we just let it slide, we'd be non-nitpickers.

- Oh that Carter McKay.  Now he is dressed like an Austrian.  How does he know to wear a fedora like that.  Must be a chameleon. Maybe he's getting style lessons from Rolf.

- When McKay meets Brundin, he is in an overcoat and gloves. Brundin is just wearing a suit, no coat.  Hmm, must be used to sub zero temps. I guess so. Some people are.

- Why doesn't Brundin's butler have an Austrian accent? And did you notice that Brundin lost his accent?? Rolf's butler is obviously an import too. Didn't notice that he lost his accent too.

- Why is there snow in the side of Brundin's house but not in his yard??

- Hey, even Bobby knows good German with a good accent when he orders 4 beers!  Not a nit, but I am impressed. Score one for the cast.

- C'mon Bobby and JR--are they that stupid about the Lippinzonners?  They can't be bought and they can't be ridden!  It's a known fact! I didn't know. I guess I'm not that cultured.

- Knock it off with the sentimentality, Sue Ellen.  It looks fake. Agreed. I am SO sick of that.

- Bobby's hotel room looks like an empty office when he talks on the phone with Cliff.

- Notice how Cally put her plate of food on the buffet table when JR and she went to see McKay.  How disgusting! I did notice that but didn't think anything of it...until now. You're right.

-Cliff, you stalker!   Stay away from Pamela Rebecca. The nanny referred to Afton as Mrs. Cooper.  Uh no, not quite! I totally missed the last one. Good call.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Ok, so Pamela is supposedly 5 years old.  That would mean that she was born in 1983 not 1984 since the Dream Season didn't count. I know there's still a nit here.

- Debbie has no pen and paper to write down Cliff and Afton's order.. This could be hard if they ordered a special request. Must have read the script. Or, as I suspect, the OBC has a very limited menu.

- Sue Ellen claims that Ellie never knew about Kristin and JR but in the 10th season, Ellie tells Sue Ellen that Chris will need her more than ever (b/c Pam has left) because of her relationship to Chris..  aka being his biological aunt.. Ah! I thought someone would bring this up. Not quite. I remember this too. Sue Ellen indicated that she was Christopher's aunt because Kristin was his mother. But if I understood things correctly, Ellie and Clayton were only told that he was Jeff Farraday's son. They didn't know about JR's affair with Kristin. Since it didn't directly effect Christopher's parentage, they all decided to keep it a secret.

- Clayton claims to have lost 20 years of his life, yet he talks of Amy like she is still alive in his mind.   This is 1989..  Was Amy still alive in 1969?  I forget my Farlow history... I will have to look this over myself...let's see. End of Season 6...hold on...hmm. No details about time. I'll review the episode and see if I can find some clues. Actually, maybe that episode where Clayton told Sue Ellen about the whole thing...I'll see....ah! Here we go. When Clayton tells Sue Ellen the story, he mentions that Dusty was away at a rodeo. So Dusty must have been at least 16 or so. It's a matter of conjecture, but it could be possible.

- Boy, did that nanny goof. She claims that Afton had specific instructions not to let Cliff see Pamela, yet she let him get a good 10-15 seconds of conversation in before she interupts them. She also doesn't know how to roll a ball to a child. Jackie is more qualified to be a secretary than she is as a nanny/guardian.

AHN Mike's corner:

- When did Dallas switch from being a soap opera to a travelogue? Not that I have anything aginst seeing Europe, just not on Dallas though. I wholeheartedly agree. I had the exact same sentiment at the beginning of the show and was tempted to make a "Great Castles of Europe" crack.

- How many fur coats did April bring to Europe? I count at least three. I can't tell whether they're different or not.

- How silly did McKay look in that bowler hat? Did you notice he not only can't walk in a straight line but he kind of wobbles from side to side as he walks? Didn't notice but doesn't surprise me.

- The destruction of the JR character continues, as now he's a tired old man who has to feign sleep in order to avoid more sex with his young wife (who is getting quite porky I might add. Must be that rich Austrian food and the beer). I haven't noticed the extra pounds on her. Personally, I'm prepared to cut Cally a LOT of slack.

- Callie's memory is definitely short term. She tells JR they haven't danced since her wedding night. But they danced at the C&W bar when they set up Hellstrom.

---

Episode 305: Great Texas Waltz

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Rob]

>April: "Somehow, I suspect you planned this meeting..."
After McKay pretty much spelled out that he had...

Angelica Award: Don Lockwood's lame suit and tie thinner than Kate Moss. Nominated by Kyle, Val, and Mike.

- This one is not a nit...yet. But we'll have to watch it. JR claims he knew Vanessa "long before" he met Sue Ellen. Well, he and Sue Ellen met in that 1967 beauty pageant and were married in 1970. Keep it on the back burner as you watch the next dozen episodes or so.

- When April pours herself a drink in her hotel room before she gets her first taste of Boboski, the sound track is out of sync. The "glug-glug-glug" sound of pouring starts and ends too early.

- And speaking of the Bob-man: I once referred to him as a boyscout because he was always prepared. Well, today his merit badges strike again. When he comes to give his new honey some lovin', he brings over a tape deck/radio which almost instantly starts playing saxophone-laden mood music. My question is this: where is this music coming from? A local radio station? I find it hard to believe that Vienna has any stations which play American easy-listening tunes. So it must have been a tape...but why would Bobby have brought a tape from Dallas, or [even less likely] purchased one in Vienna? Was he EXPECTING foreplay?

- Mike started this "thread" yesterday, but I feel obligated to continue it, given the disgusting displays of affection we saw today. I don't need a Poll of the Week or a babe survey to tell me that I'm not alone in putting Vanessa Beaumont at the same level as Mavis Anderson and Mrs. Scottfield on the totempole. What exactly attracts JR to Vanessa? And why in the world is Bobby IMPRESSED by JR's attraction to her? This seems so ridiculously patronizing.

- And yet again, we are reminded that the "ten-year" European deal has been cut to five years. What gives?

AHN Todd reminds me of his very first nit: it had to do with JR talking to Vanessa Beaumont. He says "oh Vienna, I've missed you."  Of course he means to say Vanessa.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Cliff has what looks like a really recent pic of Afton (with red hair) that he gives the PI..  but it doens't look like a publicity
shot, so where did he get it? The propmaster strikes again!

- Don and Sue Ellen seem to be dressed in rather heavy dark clothes when they go to pick up John Ross...  seems kinda uncomfortable to wear in hot Dallas.. Agreed. It seemed out of place, even for a trip to the Oil Baron's Club.

- Ellie seems to have lightened her hair.. I never noticed the dark roots before today.. Nor did I. I didn't notice them today either.

- It seems to me that the Oil guy that greets JR and company at the ball seems to walk right into the dancers as he crosses the hall to greet Carter.  Seems kinda of dangerous.. he could have crashed into them..

- Oh my god, Theresa makes small talk again...  guess they needed to give lines to someone at Southfork when Cliff went to pick up the boys.. and since none of the Ewings (except possibly Lucy) are home, the hired help gets the lines.. Someone has to, I guess. My educated guess about this is that Roseanna Christiansen is on a fixed contract right now.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Seems like the Ewing boys only have two switches: jerk mode and normal mode. Looks like it's John Ross' turn to be in Jerk mode and Christopher's turn to be in normal mode (although I think John Ross got to be the jerk LAST time). Not that Lockwood isn't a dud... I hear you loud and clear.

- Again the terms of the Austrian crude oil deal are messed with. First it was ten years, then five... Today Brundin says that he'll buy their crude from Westar and Ewing for the next years, which could be interpreted both ways... What gives? I noticed the time switcheroo. The second point will be moot tomorrow.

AHN Val's corner:

- At the Ball, Cally mentioned something to JR about there being a disco in the other room. WHY???? Now, I like disco as much as the next guy (probably more so) but if I were at a formal affair in such a romantic setting as that was, I don't think I'd be anxious to "do the Hustle". I agree. But it's a good way to get way to get Cally out of the way.

- Sheree Wilson must have gotten breast implants, or something. Lately, she's been wearing dresses that make her look like she has a chest. First at JR and Cally's wedding, and today at the Spring Ball. I remember someone on the newsgroup asking this, and it is quite possible.

- Where were SE, Don, and John Ross eating? The Oil Baron's Club? The waitresses wore much more modest uniforms today--not the red halter dresses they usually wear. They must have read the script, and knew that a child would be dining there today. In fact, this is reminiscent of several years ago when Sue Ellen, JR, and Peter Richards were dining at the OBC. JR has just informed Peter that he was the key to getting him off the drug rap. Well, the restaurant was just teeming with waiters (NOT waitresses) just waiting to show Peatie the door. WAITERS!!! The OBC had never employed waiters before or since that night. It certainly looked like the OBC today. But I remember the scene with Peter and I'm almost positive that that was NOT the OBC.

AHN Rob's corner:

- I had a problem with the private eye Cliff hired saying he was "unreasonably" expensive.  Why would he say that?  If he's THAT expensive, and knows it, why be that expensive?  If greed is what's driving him, then that's a REASON, isn't it? Excellent, though grungy,  nit.

- Last time I checked, JR and Bobby didn't trust the ‘tourists' they keep running into.  Yet they still trust Cally and April with them alone?  CALLY AND APRIL?!   What made it so ironic was that April appeared to be the smarter of the two... Now THAT is an interesting spin.

- This may not necessarily be a nit, but I always had trouble with the concept of some stranger cutting in on a couple's dance.  If that EVER happened to me and my wife, the offending buttinsky would get punched in the eye.  That's just all there is to it... I hear you. Especially if your wife looks like Cally. [Even if she doesn't, I'm sure she's lovely.]

- O.K., I let the Ewings' sudden waltzing ability slide because I understand they may have taken lessons somewhere.  But JR's wine-tasting prowess was a little over the top, wasn't it?  The man took ONE SIP and immediately identified the wine Vanessa gave him as that from the the same case he bought her over TWENTY YEARS ago!  That must be one hell of a finishing school the Ewings go to: Wine tasting, waltzing, German, bomb-making... Aw hell, forget it...

AHN Mike's corner:

- Lockwood is suddenly taller than Sue Ellen in the opening scenes. Somebody must have finally noticed how dumb it looked for her to be taller. Probably McShane himself.

- Just our luck, Lockwood finally sends the leather coat out for dry cleaning and he ends up wearing what can only be described as a cowboy undertaker's suit. That is an outstanding description!

- By the way, in the lunch scene, it appears Ian McShane is having a bad rug day, as the hairpeice he wears in the front is much askew. I too was surprised at the modest outfits worn in this scene by the OBC waitresses. Was it a western theme day? Is that why they took John Ross there? It would also explain Don's odd wardrobe choice. I have no idea what the situation was here. Perhaps it's not the real OBC, just a great imitation.

- JR's conversation with Vanessa while they waltzed was entirely overdubbed and not synched up well. I don't understand one of the AHN's criticizing Vanessa's looks and comparing her to Mavis Anderson. For a woman in her 40's, she looks pretty damn good and JR ain't exactly the good looking stud he used to be. Maybe I'm not objective here because I remember what a total babe Gayle Hunnicutt used to be when she was young. Actually, it was me who commented on this. Perhaps I was a bit hasty, and now that you mention it, I do remember Gayle in an episode of "Get Smart" in which she looked quite good. I guess my point is this: if you're in bed with Cally every night, what could you POSSIBLY see in Vanessa? And perhaps JR is just being sentimental, but Bobby?

- My wife noticed that Linda Grey directed this episode and that it looked like she found a way to take advantage of the European shoot despite the fact that Sue Ellen never left the states during the entire European trip. I believe you're right. Hence the fake OBC.

- The writers must have had trouble filling the alotted time for this episode. The April alone and drinking and the ensuing love scenes went on forever to no point. And what about that ENDLESS waltz? It was ridiculous!

- It must have been a slow crime day in San Angelo if the sheriff has nothing better to do than drive Miss Ellie around looking for Clayton. And why is Clayton wearing a jacket and tie at the cemetary? Amy doesn't care how he's dressed. As Allen Iverson would say, these are good questions...

- Afton looked yummy in that nidriff-baring tight top. She's way too good for that loser Cliff. And speaking of Cliff, since when is John Ross so fond of Cliff? He acted like Cliff was his favorite uncle. This is totally new. Maybe he has latent feelings for Cliff which he doesn't show when his father is around.

- Proof JR is getting too old for sex: he tells Vanessa he won't make love to her but that the blood is pounding in every part of his body. If it was pounding in the right part of his body, he wouldn't have to beg off. I found that line odd too...it's a shame they do this to good ole JR.

- The big business meeting with the consortium stretches the bounds of credibility. There's no way anybody is going to bring two competing firms into the same room in front of a couple dozen board members and allow them to bid against one another face to face. True enough. That should be evidence enough to the Ewing boys that something is up. [Of course, by now it should be evident that something IS up.]

- Promise me we won't see Chick and Bunny again. Everytime they show up, I keep hoping Hughes will show up in a helicoptor and strafe them with machine gun fire. Me too. I'm almost positive that Chick and Bunny are gone. I know they don't appear in the cliffhanger episode; but unfortunately, during the last series run I missed Episode 306, so I can't say for sure. it would really stretch the imagination if they were granted Russian visas while wearing those clothes. And I totally agree that I would love to shut them in a room with Fred Hughes.

---

Episode 306: Mission to Moscow

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Jason]

> Ellie to Lucy: Do you remember when your grandfather Jock died?
Like Lucy has any other grandfathers that she ever met?

Angelica Award: Sue Ellen's broad-shouldered dress. It looked like it had smashed birds all over it. Nominated by Val.

- In the first Southfork scene, Clayton calls Christopher by his name, and does the same with Lucy. Huh? Lucy hasn't been around since he bumped his head, and no one's mentioned her name yet, so how does he know?

- I've asked Analise and she hasn't had a chance to respond yet, but I'll throw this out: when JR and Cally are walking around Vienna, they go by an arch which has an embossment written in the Cyrillic alphabet. Since the Cyrillic alphabet is not used in Austria, where did this arch come from?

- Isn't it interesting how today John Ross decides to call Clayton by his first name, rather than "Grandpa"? I tell you, that boy...

- The recreation of that scene leading up to Sue Ellen's car accident was great for a chuckle. I think everyone laughed at the "Molly Woodward" thing, but what about the fake Miss Ellie? She was totally pathetic. Made Donna Reed look good.

- And finally, here's one I've been saving, because I figured someone would bring it up, either on the site or on the show itself. Cliff is convinced that he's little Pamela's father, right? After all, the evidence would certainly suggest so...she's about the right age; she's been tested for neurofibromatosis; Afton is very secretive and defensive about it...all well and good.
But there's a problem...a rather serious one, Cliffy. What about the urgery-say on your enis-pay? The one that fixes it so that you can't have kids? Isn't that a rather hefty mark in the "no" column for you? What surprises me is that no one has even mentioned it at this point. If Afton wants to shut Cliff up, shouldn't she just come out and remind him about the vasectomy, and then that's that?

From Alett:

- The apparent dubbing of the Russian oil men's voices struck me as odd. A cost savings move - hire Russian actors and then not give them any screen credit? I'm still trying to figure this one out. The only explanation is that the only condition under which the crew was allowed to film in Moscow was that guys with political connections be allowed to have guest spots. "Sure, Mr. Hagman, you can visit Lenin's Tomb...as long as my brother is on your show." I'm sure the whole thing was very delicately negotiated - otherwise, it would have been a simple matter to simply bring in two actors to fake bad Russian accents.

- The late night / very early morning conversation between Miss Ellie and Lucy seemed unnecessary, but I did like the reaction shots of Lucy. That struck me as some of Charlene's best acting. I wonder if it was because she was really thinking of Jim Davis. It would be nice to think so. I'm not too sure whether or not I'm impressed, though - she seemed to have the same look for about three straight minutes.

From Dan Johnson: I was quite surprised when JR told Carter "we're going to kick your ass" in today's episode.   (Surprised, not offended).  Apparently this was OK to say on Network televison in 1989, no?  I guess my timeline must be blurred but I would have guessed that this wasn't allowed on Network television in 1989. Can you shed any light on this for me?   I only ask because I don't remember this kind of language in any other episode of Dallas and it seems quite out of character for the show. It is quite rare, to be sure...the producers got a bit more lax with this as time went on. Back in the early seasons, you'll notice that no one even went so far as to say "whore" or "bitch". It was always "tramp", as in, "Sue Ellen, you're a drunk, a tramp, and an unfit mother." Things have changed. I remember Mandy calling Sue Ellen a bitch in 1987. This sort of language has been lightly spread throughout the series.

AHN Jason's corner:

- Was it just me or did there appear to only have 2 commercial breaks during the main plot.  Usually there are 3. No, there were three all right. The first was rather short and abrupt.

- Ian Mcshane's name is misspelled again... Yup. I noticed this time.

- Oh my god..They finally paid to have Charlene have some dialogue.. Of course that means Theresa can't be around, so Ellie has to cook. Convenient.

- Horrible dubbing in the Moscow scenes. The lip smacking in the scenes with Cliff and Afton were pretty annoying too.

- Why didn't the Russian guys send someone who spoke English to see JR and Bobby?   And how did they know where they were going to be? Well, the Russian guys DO speak English. It's plain as day! [snicker] The second question is a good one.

- Just a note.. Lucy looks a lot younger today for some reason. Yes she does.

- Notice how when the camera shows the photo album, they cut off Pam's head..  Nice touch... Very nice. I knew they would do this.

- I would have loved to have seen more of Sue Ellen's movie...say, we could cast Donna Reed as the fake Ms Ellie (too bad she was dead at this time), Margaret Micheals as the fake Pam, Pamela Anderson as the fake Lucy,   Bridget Fonda as the fake Donna.....etc.. etc.... I'm all for the first two. Pam Anderson as Lucy....that's actually not so much of stretch! But I like Bridget Fonda too much to stick her as Donna.

- Did anyone notice the hedges outside of Sue Ellen's movie studio?  in the form of one star... how appropriate.. Could represent the lone star of Texas.

- Bobby and JR are such hypocrites to critize Mckay for taking the deal for the money and not being patriotic when they both got a better deal as compensation for backing off... True...although I don't think anything is ever mentioned about this Russian thing ever again.

- Did anyone notice that Cally refers to Vanessa as beautiful too?   Really trying to brainwash the audience into thinking she is
breathtaking..... I am SO sick of this. Mike is trying to convince me that Gayle Hunnicutt is a babe for her age. Well, maybe she is, and I know she was quite a dish when she was younger. But to have a gorgeous young woman like Cathy Podewell trying to sell Gayle as a hot dish is just pathetic. I'm half expecting her to appear with an entourage of men around her, like Madonna in the "Material Girl" video.

AHN Kyle's corner:

- Is it customary for a singer to spend soooo much time in one city (ie. Afton in Dallas)? She talks of New York and Chicago like she's on a tour or something, but she's been in Dallas a long freaking time. Plot contrivance... Very much so.

- It seemed weird that it said Red Square, Moscow. Kind of like saying Skydome, Toronto. Whatever happened to 'city, country' bylines? I'm sure the lack of use of the words "Soviet Union" were also because of government orders/requests.

- Hmmm. That stage for the film looks an awful lot like Southfork...almost identical... No! Wait, it IS the Southfork set! You'd expect them to do that but it still feels like cheating. All they have to do is back the cameras up ten feet. Something just bugs me about this... For some reason, I have no response to this. Probably because it's true.

- Again, very Mission Impossible-esque scenes. That one where the car pulls up bears a striking ressemblance to a scene in MI. Almost TOO coincidental...

- I noticed that JR and Bobby have both black AND tan trenchcoats on their trip. Now they can clearly afford to have two different trenchcoats, but to take both on a trip seems unlikely. Those suckers are a pain to pack (very bulky). Why have two, anyways? "Oh, that's my SPRING trenchcoat". Good call.

- Where did Cliff hire his detective from? Maybe the same agency where Swellen used to get hers. The whole point of being a private eye is to keep things (gasp!) PRIVATE. I think this might be explained tomorrow, but I'm not sure. My guess is that Afton asked to be informed if someone made inquiries at the lab.

- Product placement of the day: American Airlines gets the elusive still shot slot.

AHN Analise's corner:

- So Lucy was here as a sounding board for Ellie? She still acts like a kid!

- Doesn't anyone ever teach John Ross and Christopher never to run in the kitchen?? This would require the presence of PARENTS, wouldn't it?

- I think calling Braddock Medical Center because of a water burn is nuts!  Puhleeze! Yes, I completely concur.

- When we first see JR and Bobby on Red Square there are no people, when they meet the Russians, all of a sudden background people show up.  How convenient.

- This is weird, but I agreed with McKay's speech about the international market place.   JR and Bobby were lame to drop a billion dollar deal. The JR who orchestrated those South east Asia leases wouldn't have done that! From an economic standpoint, I totally agree. I guess this is what you meant in your opening statement. Of course, the "global economy" thing was a very new concept back in 1989, because the Wall had not collapsed yet. Nowadays we take it for granted, but back then it was very much an "us against them" mentality in the marketplace. Of course, you know more about that than I ever will.

AHN Val's corner:

- Bobby has the same hairstyle as Eddie Munster.

- Why does Miss Ellie have a EWING 1 license plate on her VW? First of all, she's a Farlow now--has been for a few years. Second, that license plate was on Jock's Lincoln. I would have thought that Ewings would have opted to retire that plate after Jock died. That's an interesting spin on it...hadn't thought of that before.

- Afton is singing at the same club where brother Mitch used to park cars. Even the same Fiat convertible is seen driving away from the valet stand. Seriously? Wow! That's a good one.

- Gee whiz, how many coats did JR and Bobby pack. They seemed to have a coat for every occasion during this whole European Expedition? I can almost see that from April and Cally, but men are, by nature, very minimalist packers.

- Vanessa has weird teeth. They ALL look like fangs. (Happy, Ahmer? I now have some one else to pick on!!!) Very happy.

AHN Rob's corner:

- Everyone is so surprised that Clayton -- despite having not seen her since his accident -- knows who Sue Ellen is.  I don't think they should be.  Hadn't he been looking at a FAMILY PHOTO ALBUM not five minutes earlier?  I'm sure at least one of her pictures turned up... Well, he recognized LUCY before looking at the album. I thought that was impressive.

- Why is it so hard for the Brothers Ewing -- especially JR -- to believe that  OPEC could possibly be using European oil companies  as fronts?  That sounds like the type of thing that goes on in Dallas all the time.  Dummy corporations, anyone? I didn't find it so surprising. This was kind of silly.

- Lucy tells Miss Ellie that she's always able to handle anything. I'm not so sure about that.  Isn't this the same  woman who -- in the face of adversity -- usually goes to pieces and runs off to Europe or something?  Out of ten cliffhangers so far, she's been around for, what?, three of them?  Nice way to ‘handle' things, Ellie.  Now Ahmer, I know you're going to point out the many Smackdowns she's handed out over the years; and believe me, I agree with you on this. But think about it: How many of those smackdowns came two or three episodes too late? Preach on, brother Rob! I heartily agree with you all the way. I was going to let this one go because to Lucy, Ellie is the "woman of steel". Of course, we the viewers know differently because we actually WATCH the show, unlike Lucy who just hangs around the fringes. As for the smackdowns: always a day or two late. But never a dollar short.

- Not only is Wednesday Professional Secretaries Day, but apparently it's also Pick on the Ewing Matriarch Day.  Now Miss Ellie just spilled hot soup, or molten lava, whatever the hell it was all over her arm -- and she's worried about Clayton remembering where the first aid kit is?  Then she takes the same burnt arm and wraps it around her beloved Ox.  Strange... Hey, that last point is great!

AHN Mike's corner:

- Fashion note: Lucy's blue outfit with the Dallas Cowboy defensive tackle shoulder pads. These were undoubtedly the biggest set of shoulder pads ever worn by a female Dallas character, and that covers considerable territory. I know why they did it. It was a diversionary and optical illusion tactic to cover how chubby Lucy has gotten. Last season she was speatcularly thin yet endowed (remember that scene with Callie in the Southfork exercise room?). This season she's been porky. She also had a new straight hairstyle, eschewing the 1940's look from earlier in the season. Vanessa's pulls up the rear in that really ugly black/white jacket she wore at the end.

- Bobby offers to buy April ANOTHER fur coat in Russia. Just what she needs, one for every day of the week.

- Sue Ellen answers Don by saying "Nor I." This is the second time somebody used this phrase. People do not talk like this in real life.

- Did you catch the look of revulsion from Sue Ellen when Don's agent put his hands on her person? I suspect that whole scen with the cliche agent character was a big inside joke.

- I'm so glad to see that the "loser" Cliff Barnes character is back, screwing up a good thing at every turn due to his stupidity and self-destructive tendencies.

---

Episode 307: The Reel Life

Bonehead Dialogue Award: [courtesy of Jason]

> Ellie to Lucy: Do you remember when your grandfather Jock died?
Like Lucy has any other grandfathers that she ever met?

Angelica Award: Lucy's red leather dress with matching Polaroid. Nominated by Val and Jason.

- I understand that April's a bit frazzled right now, but she definitely should think twice about allowing Bobby to drive her to Southfork. What if she needs her car for some reason?

- When Bobby and April arrive at Southfork for dinner, we see everyone at their usual places, which results in having four people [JR, Cally, Lucy, and John Ross] sitting on one side of the table and one person [Christopher] on the other side. I really don't get this; is Ellie so neurotic about the dinner table that she insists that everyone sit in his or her assigned seat, come hell or high water? Would it have hastened the coming of Armageddon if Lucy had moved to the other side of the table and sat with Christopher?   She could have been the one to move when Bobby and April arrived...oh, but wait. Then we couldn't have seen Christopher feel uncomfortable about having to "make room" for April at the dinner table, just as he may have to "make room" for his father's new girlfriend in his life.

- After today, I think I understand perfectly why the producers have never asked Barbara Bel Geddes to say the word "dude". She sounds so lame when she does.

- Did someone say lame? Oh, yeah, I did. Well, even more lame than that is the whole concept of a fake Afton. Memo to the writers: if you guys can't come up with plotlines that don't require the use of stand-ins for guest stars, just close up the shop.

From Cliff Folke:  Sue Ellen tells JR that her movie "it's just a rough cut...no sound effects..."  and yet we hear the cattle calling and the cowboys whistling.  Aren't those "sound effects"?

AHN Kyle's corner:

- How do Bobby and JR come up with the 40% number (that corresponds to how much Westar business they will steal)? This seems fairly arbitrary. From my business classes, I can tell you that is very difficult to project customer defection rates. I'm sure it is. Sounds like a nice round figure but I don't know how they could come up with this.

- What's the deal with McKay's picture of Tommy? He's not even looking at the camera! Who takes these pictures? I almost think it was a spy (or papparazzi) shot. I agree with you. Totally bizarre.

- Here comes the forecast: A Christopher cold front is coming in... this means that John Ross will soon be heating up. More to come. You are absolutely correct. You'll want a dime for everything that comes between Bobby and April over the next few weeks, because you'd be rich.

- Hmmmm. This JR movie sure seems to have been shot rather quickly. I don't even think that they had started filming until after the guys left for Europe (not sure about that). Guess Linda Gray just couldn't wait to get the hell out (and who can blame her right now?). I agree on all counts.

- What a lackluster kiss from Lockwood after Swellen agrees to move away with him. It's not like we really needed any more evidence... but Don really is a dud. With a capital D.

- How exactly was the film shot in secrecy? Did everyone have to sign something in their contract that said they weren't allowed to talk about it? In terms of movie gossip, nothing is sacred. I find it hard to believe that JR wouldn't have been tipped off at some point. A little contrived... Well, they WERE in Europe...but I see your point.

- I know that Swellen funded the movie so the studio might not be too upset about the movie not being released, but come on... This was supposed to be a blockbuster (according to that veritable font of wisdom: Bruce Harvey). There's got to be some sort of resentment. I think even Bruce Harvey, after seeing the rough cut, thought twice.

- Is THAT really the ending (of the movie)??? Sue Ellen leaving JR?? OOOOOOO!!! What about her shooting him (twice)?? Oh wait... wouldn't want to include that. What a lame ending to a lame looking movie. Truer words were never spoken [since yesterday]. :)

- Take that first sentence from the previous nit and put it right here---> Is that the ending (of the season)??? Just...awful. I refuse to even acknowledge that as a cliffhanger (because it wasn't). Almost any other episode in the season (excluding Cally's "Dallas here we come" finale) would have made a better ending. Soooo upsetting (and I even KNEW it was coming). I told you. I told everybody. This is "Night Court in its fifth season lame".

AHN Val's corner:

- Christopher was obviously shocked and disturbed by the abrupt discovery of Bobby and April's new relationship. I don't think that Bobby had a chance to fill him in, but the way Chris learned about it--at the Southfork dinner table, in front of the WHOLE family--would be, to say the least, humiliating for a little boy.  Definitely. This was very sudden - but on the other hand, Bobby and April's romance was very sudden, not to mention on a different continent..

- What did Van Buren use to hit Cliff over the head? It looked like the insole of a shoe! Cliff must have a really soft head if Van Buren was able to knock him out cold with that thing! It looks like a "slapjack" - I believe it is the toughened insole of a shoe. It's a time-honored foreign object of doom in professional wrestling.

AHN Jason's corner:

- They finally got Ian McShane's name spelled right. Just in time for him to leave.

- April's alarm clock seems to be facing away from the bed. It's the point of an alarm clock to wake you up and you see the time. Actually, I do this myself. I position so that I can easily hit the snooze button without being bothered by the details of time.

- Just a note...  Ellie says that Jock died over 7 years ago..  That means that they are counting the Dream Season again. Yes they are. If Pamela Rebecca is 5, then the Dream Season must have "happened".

- Just a note.. It is nice to see the Dallas producers shelling out a few bucks and bringing in Sly, Phyllis, Kendall, Jackie, Debbie and Dora Mae for window dressing for this episode... and the WHOLE Mainline cast was in it..  wow.. almost like the good old days. Almost. I guess they splurged for this one, given that they knew they were about to dump Linda Gray's fat [but well-deserved] salary.

- JR tells Bobby that he finally found a girl that JR approves of..  I thought JR really liked Bobby with Jenna.  Heck he begged her to stay at Southfork post-dream. How quickly we forget.

AHN Mike's corner:

- Product plug: American Airlines again.

- Angelica Award: Definitely Lucy's red "ho" outfit with the matching camera (to take picture of her johns for future blackmail purposes?). But there were other notable fashion offenses. How about Sue Ellen's lemon colored suit with the brooch that looked like Chiquita Banana and the back that looked like it had been slashed by Freddy Krueger? How about Sue Ellen's purple pie tin earrings in another scene?

- April's white outfit at Southfork with the indescribably weird jacket. Or April's ugly fringed top later on.

- What were those shiney, decorative plastic things Don wore at the tips of  his shirt collar? And lastly, a tip of the hat to Van Buren in his restaurant scene with Cliff with his shirt collar completely askew in what can only be described as "drunk chic".  By the way, I think that was a standard blackjack he clobbered Cliff with, but wouldn't it have been neat if he also took out the Sheik's plastic knife and carved up Cliff's forehead while he was unconscious? That would have been a mark-out moment! Either way, I found this scene more entertaining than anything ever perpetrated by the nWo jobbers.

- Finally, Sue Ellen repeated an outfit: the high waisted blue shirt with the white top that flopped over like a bib. Even the earrings were the same. I suspect this scene and the one she wore it in a few episodes earlier were shot at the same time to save money. I suspect you're right.

- Dumb dialogue: Don says "I guess I'd better cut straight to the chase." and then launches into his long and stupid cowboy hat analogy and other meaningless chatter before actually getting to the point about five pages of dialogue later. Excellent.

- Sue Ellen says she's leaving John Ross with JR becuase it's time "to be getting on with my life." Sure, why let a little thing like a son get in the way of your gallivanting around Europe and living in sin with Don?

- By the way, in this episode, Don is again shorter than Sue Ellen. He probably had to agree to this in order to get his name spelled right in the credits. LOL!

- Dumb and Dumber: OK, we know April is too dumb to hire security at her apartment. But is she so dumb she doesn't understand she can change to an unlisted phone number? Obviously she is. Good call.

- Why is it I think the secretaries weren't that glad to see the Ewing boys back? With Cliff preoccupied with Afton and daughter, my guess is not a damn thing got done at the office and that the average day was in late, early to lunch and shopping and home by 3PM. I suspect you're right. But with what they put up with under normal circumstances, I think they deserve it. Sly, at least, took the time to get her hair done.

- JR's hyperbole: he describes McKay as "the 600 pound gorilla in Dallas." I know everything is bigger in Texas, but McKay isn't a pound over 400! I'd say he's 403.

- And why is it that when McKay picks up his children's pictures music is turned on. Tracy gets light violins. Tommy gets the heavy cellos. And speaking of music, the last scene's music was awful.

- Hypocrite award: Miss Ellie questions April acting on impulse to go to Europe. How many times has she or she and Clayton taken off for parts unknown at the drop of a hat?

- If I were Bruce Harvey and Don Lockwood, I'd be suing Sue Ellen for not releasing the movie. More to the point, as tempermental as Don is about his work and with the sweat he put into this movie, wouldn't Sue Ellen's killing it drive a wedge into their romance? He threatened to quit and dump her earlier simply because she read a page of draft script! Bruce I agree with, but Don's money is simply tied to writing and producing. He probably doesn't have a stake in the actual release of the film. For that matter, Bruce may not either, though he would bitch and moan about it.

- Somebody has a sense of humor: the actor who played JR in the movie was wearing the same kind of mismatched color bad rug that Hagman wore in the earlier seasons. Didn't notice but that is funny.

- If people went to a movie that opened with an interminable scene of a herd of cattle, they be stampeding for the exits before scene two ever made the screen. I thought so too. Only in Texas would that work. Must be a REALLY rough cut.